How Do You See Yourself?
The Divine Eyes of a Grandparent
As human beings we like to think we have certain amount of autonomy in the way we perceive ourselves and certainly, that is true. Yet we go through life with social benchmarks that make thinking of ourselves, for ourselves, sometimes difficult. If we really delve into the nitty gritty of self evaluation, esteem and impression, it may get tangled in forums like the following.
Through whose eyes do you most see yourself?
Your co workers?
Your significant other?
Let’s break this down.
Your valued co workers or colleagues:
You spend most of your day with them, you share stories, help one another, network with and motivate them and can even have similar values and backgrounds. You have similar work ethic, strive for similar successes and respect and value each other’s opinions about many social tenets and even look to one another for how to work, behave or present.
So how do they see you? The see you as valuable, intelligent, problem solving, mentoring, successful, and a force to be reckoned with. Indeed.
But at times they can also see you as incompetent, pushy, hypocritical, phony, lucky, frightening or annoying.
Ah, friendship. Your friends are handpicked by you! They have the same interests, laugh at the same things, value your family and other friends, respect you, go to you for advice, party with you, and network for you and are happy in your company.
So how do they see you? They see you as loving and fun, spiritually uplifting and safe. You are an escape from reality for them, their therapist and confidant. They take financial, fashion and social advice from you. They think you’re stylish and successful. They strive to have similar qualities as you do and you help them to love themselves more and appreciate who they are as individuals.
But at times they can also see you as bitchy, hypocritical, jealous, phony, distant, disrespectful, bossy, selfish and incompetent.
Your significant other:
Your loved one is wonderful. They treat you well, respect you, think you are the answer to all their prayers, want to build a life with you or are in the process of building one, value your opinion above all others, make love to you, are there for you when you need them and vice versa, encourage you, uplift you and make you feel whole. Too many, this relationship is the most important, successful and happy one any human being can have, and I happen to agree with that assumption, especially if you lucked out with a real keeper.
So how do they see you?
A soul mate, twin flame, beautiful, wonderful, kind, smart, endearing, passionate, interesting, safe, spiritual, fun, someone to start a family with and every other amazing characteristic a person can hold. After all, you picked each other for these reasons.
But at times they can also see you as difficult, jealous, narcissistic, unsupportive, demanding or rude.
They are your pride and joy. Your children are what you were put on the earth for, your namesake and your genetic code lived on! You have given them everything that you could and still do, they love you and come to you for advice. They respect you, honor you and are happy to be around you. They will take care of you when you need it. They’ve done things to show you they value you, they’ve respected your wishes, done as you’ve asked, told people about you, succeeded in life and as a human being so they can make you prouder than you already are. They turned out happy and content, mostly due to you. They begin to act like you and appreciate doing so, they even begin to look like you and say the same things you used to say, enjoy similar hobbies and their appreciation for you only becomes more evident as they get older.
So how do they see you?
They see you as teachers, role models, authority figures, kind and loving, special, unique, proud, respectable, hard working, intelligent, spiritual teachers, doctors, therapists, friends, helpers and more. You are their rock.
But at times they can also see you as pushy, bossy, demanding, disappointed, threatening, wrong, misleading, selfish or unloving.
Some have been blessed with good and decent, even wonderful parents. For the sake of this article, let’s say you fall into this category.
They are supportive and kind and encouraging. They worry about you as no one else does; they are proud of you and hold you in high esteem. They love and care for you and want only the best for you unselfishly and hopefully.
So how does your parent see you? As a success, as a loving and grateful person, beautiful, handsome, they are proud of you, you are an accomplishment, a blessing and an amalgam of all of the beautiful characteristics they passed on to you.
But at times they can also see you as a pain in the rump, a failure, annoying, disappointing, a reminder of their mistakes, ungrateful or of an amalgam of unfavorable characteristics that they passed onto you. To your parents, you are yin and yang, good and bad, right and wrong.
So where does that leave us?
Some would say, with great conviction, “None of the above!” We should see ourselves through our own eyes, through spiritual eyes, through divine eyes, the eyes of God! Ok, but what frame of reference do we have to know what those eyes see? Some say, signs, intuition, miracles and faith. All of that is valid, but sometimes we need a more concrete and obvious forum through which to make these references.
As a spiritual worker, of course I say to you, look to God, look to your higher power, look to the divinity in yourself.
But is there a more tangible place to derive this information. I think there is.
Through the eyes of a grandparent.
If you were among the blessed to experience this, the day you were born a grandparent held you, looked into your half mooned eyes and just stared at you, speechless and with a happiness they did not know existed beyond the veil of divine light. They saw themselves, their own children and their ancestors. As parents, all the “mistakes” they thought they made vanished as you smiled back at them and you and your divine presence erased the fear and the doubt that they may have once had. They looked at you and saw a divinity that they had never imagined, even with their own children. You represented success, love, continuity, ancestry, newness, hope and gratitude.
Even as you grew into the mess of an adolescent and struggling adult that you are now, nothing you could have ever done could have damaged those emotions they felt on that day, not 10, 20 or a thousand years later. They helped you with your homework just like your parents did. They taught you about real life. They never judged you or demanded anything from you. They were your therapists just like your friends were, they valued your intelligence just like your co workers, they were proud of you, they respected you and they thought you were the greatest thing that ever could have happened to them, just like your parents do. You were their reason for living, a manifestation of the divine and of faith that life was indeed beautiful, lived well and worthy of gratitude.
So how do they see you?
Look at an old picture of them holding you or laughing with you and see how they are looking at you. What would your life be like if you saw yourself through the eyes of a grandparent? What if you could see yourself the way they saw you? What if you saw yourself as a miracle, a beacon of hope, evidence of the divine? Could you handle it? Many would say no. Look to your grandparents, their legacy and their memory and take a minute to ask them how. I guarantee their answer will surprise you.
By Cori Savenelli
Hi, Cori - I admire your article; however, I wonder whether readers who may not (or no longer) have their grandparents in their lives will relate to it. Also, there are many "you" references throughout. In treating it from a slightly different person-angle, we may enjoy the gist of what you seek to convey, while actively making the reader feel more involved in the process.
Let me know if there are any questions, and send a message when you have revised it. Also, please provide a bio paragraph at the end. Thanks ~ Blessings!