In our relationships, be they sexual. loving, intimate, familial, parental, in partnership, with significant others, with friends, acquaintances, clients, co-workers, bosses, and on and on. how do we value our own worth and our gifts?
We interact with so many people on a daily, weekly, monthly, yearly, etc.. basis. Each have had a significant impact on our lives and we on theirs.
My question is how often do you take the time to understand and appreciate them for what they give you or you for what you give them. Often? Never? somewhere in between...
We are a tribal, a social, an inter-active species. Once upon a time we had pretty severely restricted roles and our group of intimates or even casual acquaintances were limited by our caste, our tribe, our social situation. All that has changed, or so we'd like to believe, and we now have to learn to distinguish and recognize which of these relationships serve us and how or whether we are serving them.
Many of us give away all of our gifts, our talents, our soul and more without any sense or desire of receiving in return. We do this to please or serve or perhaps impress others and this often feels very depleting. We all know selfless givers even if we are not one ourselves.
Are you a person who would give up hours of time to help a friend in need?
Are you a person who volunteers their time for several worthy causes?
Are you a person who will listen for hours to others and never share about yourself?
Are you a person who takes from others without feeling any need to reciprocate?
Are you a person who feels entitled and feels that things are owed them?
Where are you in this continuum, between these extremes?
How do we value our time, our gifts, our ability to take care of others? Some people give and some take, particularly in our culture, where people often are not conscious of their motives on one end or the other of this spectrum. In our culture, Narcissism is rampant and is more likely a false sense of value due to poor self-esteem?
My question is this, how can we best and most appropriately value ourselves and our contributions?
How can we feel that we are valued and that we are giving enough without over-giving?
Although, I'm not sure there are ready made answers to any of these questions, I do believe we all need to have a clear sense of our own self worth and value our time and our contributions.
This is especially important in our sexual relationships where we often do things that we later feel were not in our best interest, especially when we are not on equal footing. We can give in to someone who we may not feel attracted to because we feel they can give us something we need or want, a new car, a house, security, money, a job..etc
In Quodoushka this is considered a North Relationship between un-equal pairs. It can often lead to terrible resentment, and can completely destabilize a relationship if it is not addressed.
Look at your relationships, take the time to assess if you feel heard, seen, understood, cared about, and if you are hearing, seeing, valuing the other. Take the time to talk with people, set appropriate boundaries, let them know you value your time, your gifts, your body and these are not to be taken for granted.
Let me know what you discover about yourself!
For more on these issues check out my website: www.pamelaastarte.com