The Hall of Lucid Allusion

Why does my soul give up,

Faint,

Whenever You are finally in view~

   In view,

Yet only in my visions…

The separation between my conscious view,

And You~

Who always speaks,

Always seeing,

Always guiding,

Pointing~

It’s so hard for self-hatred,

Not to strangle my heart~

Sadness is my covering~

I am angry,

I am locked in glass,

A glass prison~

Where I cannot hear my own screams.

I can feel you here now,

Hear you softly… “No”,

You try to calm me,

So near,

But you seem so far away,

Through halls of mirrors,

Of past illusions,

Windows of allusions,

A labyrinth of water,

With memories burning bright,

Living in this lucid nightmare,

Another night.

Trapped in a limited mind,

Fighting craven battles,

Never won,

Never lost,

Never worth the time,

Always forgetting,

Your hand~ outstretched,

Towards mine,

   All this time~

As soon as You stop this dizzy train,

The illusions,

Delusions,

In my wicked head,

My cursed thought~

And I truly see You,

As You are,

In these halls of allusion,

I faint,

I fall,

I sleep,

I dream,

Of ships and sails,

Of wrecks and seas,

Of fires and miseries,

Of traitors and screams,

Then after years of turmoil,

Torture,

Lies and lullabies,

I awake,

Into this dull, dying world,

All over again,

Trying to find You all over…again.

When I am awake,

My spirit is trying to free itself,

When I sleep,

My mind awakens worlds,

   That time forgot~

But no worlds,

Realms,

Or souls,

Are ever awake~

Only glimpsing the truth~

Between sleep and awake~

In these halls of lucid allusion.

Where one day,

Someday,

I will take hold of that hand,

And pray you pull me,

Into eternal truth,

Forevermore. 

©Angel Ward 2013