You can be yourself

You are safe

You are liked for who you are

You are enough

You are free to be you

You are valuable

How often have you wanted to hear these words or even offer them to those you desire to have a close relationship with? Deep down at some point we all do.  Then there is the part of sincerely believing these words yourself, from the inside out.

Emotional intimacy is the ultimate in trust, honesty and communication in relationships. May it be with your friends, family, beloved/partner, work colleagues – it is where you get to know someone so deeply and in turn they get to know you just as deep.

Early in my relationships I was afraid people wouldn't like me for who I am. I held all my wants and needs in and during intimate conversation just sat there silent while the person conversing with me sat there confused, hurt and irritated by my stubborn and closed off reaction. All because I was afraid what I would say would offend them in some way causing them to dislike me. In truth, people who were close to me did like me but, I often pushed them away from an authentic relationship.

Throughout my adult life I've unlearned what I thought emotional intimacy is and relearned how to reveal myself and embody it. It’s not an easy process… you will experience pain, releasing, and denial. Although, with that you will encounter joy, acceptance, support, trust and love if you open yourself up and allow it.

If you want more emotional intimacy in your life there is always time to take responsibility and create fluency.

Here are some of the lessons I have learned along the way.

Lesson #1: Do your own inner work…Knowing yourself is always the first step

This may seem redundant, like you have heard it a million times. But, it’s important! You are an interesting and complex being and rarely are you boring.

If you expect others to share their authentic feelings, wants and needs with you, you better be able to as well. One of my emotional intimacy mentors suggests developing a daily practice for building self-awareness and learning more about you. During this daily practice, ask yourself questions like: What am I doing? How can I flow gracefully? What do I like and/or not like? Be radically honest with yourself. Track what comes up and pay attention to it.

Lesson #2: Connect with your natural environment, yourself and others

I use yoga, walks in nature, acrobatic partner yoga and slackline yoga as my daily self-reflection practices. To really connect with what is going on I track sensations in my body.

When in your natural environment or with others you want to be close to first practice noticing sensations in your body when situations occur that you feel closed off or completely open to. Then, connect what emotion arises to that sensation. Finally, watch how you react to that emotion.

This is your life, you can choose to tell and live your story how you. Remember that the best way to be with someone is to be with yourself first.

Lesson #3: Communication Check-In

How do you communicate with others? Having a regular check-in with someone is a great way to build trust about what is going on in each other’s lives. Communication check-in’s gives you a place to be heard and to tell the truth (with no judgment). It also gives you space to be supported and validated. Sometimes you need someone to tell you why you are struggling or to recognize when you shine.

I’ve shared a partner acrobatic yoga practice with my fiancée for the last three years. Prior to our partnership, we worked with others regularly and had great success. That is until we started doing it together. This is a practice of connection and communication. Our connection was so deep in so many ways we assumed it would be just as deep in this practice which, it was not.

We had to start at the beginning and pay attention to what was happening individually with our thoughts and emotions. Then, communicate our wants and needs like an adult in a mature, kind way to one another.

We made a promise to regularly check in to communicate our internal stuff as well as tell each other what observations in the other person we saw when it came to our successes, struggles and challenges. Through this our practice has flourished and we have developed trust in all aspects of our lives and are connected at a deeper level than I ever thought possible.

Lesson #4: Trust yourself and one another

You reveal your secrets to those you trust. You repair wounds when trust affords safety and offers love.

Due to my fiances citizenship status in the United States we recently decided to travel and find a new home internationally. Due to this circumstance originally being manifested from a place of power and position (the government) we were scared, embarrassed and hurt.

At first we kept these fears inside and felt like victims. We broke up for a short period because we did not allow ourselves to communicate this internal dialogue we were having and our fears became us. Taking some personal times for ourselves during this breakup allowed us to identify what each of us was scared of.  This was extremely empowering as the situation then became one of hope, excitement and possibilities.

Once we identified those fears within ourselves we were able to create trust and support by sharing and discussing them aloud with one another resulting in the unexpected side effect of healing. From then on, we made a commitment to ALWAYS voice our fears with one another, no matter how scary or painful to admit. The sooner we get it out in the open, the better. In return we promise to not judge ourselves or each other.

I encourage you to start voicing your fears. Many of us live in a world where your thoughts encourage you to pretend everything is perfect, ignore inadequacies, or see your fears as a sign of weakness. Start letting those fears out and see what happens, you may be surprised by how your relationships transform!

Emotionally intimacy is a never ending challenge in life because you are constantly changing as you age, grow, find new activities, make new friends, and go different places. Just when you think you have it figured out a new dynamic comes into play and mixes it all up.

The good news is though; emotional intimacy is like a muscle. The more you exercise it through experiences and life lessons the stronger it will get and the more you are able to be exactly WHAT and WHO you are at any time and with anyone you desire to reveal yourself to.

Question: What is holding you back from having the emotional intimacy in your life you desire?

Views: 43

Replies to This Discussion

Hi, Kendra - It was nice to read your submission, which could be great as a Personal Growth or Relationship article. Here is some initial feedback regarding your discussion piece. First, the length, without your bio, is pushing the upper limit size-wise. In reviewing or editing, you may wish to watch your use of the "I" and "You" statements and other personal references throughout. 

That said, if you would be willing to rework some of the statements made in it that may help. For example, you wrote, "I use yoga, walks in nature, acrobatic partner yoga and slackline yoga as my daily self-reflection practices. To really connect with what is going on I track sensations in my body."

A possible revision could be: The use of yoga, nature walks, acrobatic partner yoga, and slackline yoga as part of one's daily self-reflection practice(s), can help connect our sense of awareness with various physical sensations that occur in the body.

It presents the more factual essence of what yoga can do for us all, and presents it without "as much" reference to (y)our own personal experience. As the writer of the words, the reader ingests the comments as your experience, which is why we are here to offer and share our knowledge and understanding.

Again, please keep an eye on size, and be sure your bio paragraph (60 words or less, with at least one external contact link) is included. Please feel free to message me when you feel your revision is ready. Thank you and enjoy your day. ~ Blessings! :)

Thanks so much for your feedback Kathy.  I've reworked the piece including the suggestions you offered.  Would love to hear any further insight you may have.  Thank you, Kendra

Connecting At A Deeper Level

You can be yourself
You are safe
You are not judged
You are liked for who you are
You are enough
You are free to be you
You are valuable

How often do we desire to hear these words from those we love? Deep down at some point we all want to hear them. Then there is the part of sincerely believing the words on an internal level.

Emotional intimacy is the ultimate in trust, honesty and communication in relationships. May it be with friends, family, beloved/partner, and work colleagues – it is an exchange of knowing each other at the deepest level possible.

Taking the time to unlearn harmful emotional intimacy may it be fear of speaking one’s wants and needs, feeling unloved and unimportant, not being liked or feeling like less than enough and relearning how to healthfully reveal the self and embody it is a venture worth taking.

It’s not an easy process… it includes pain, releasing, and denial. Although, with that comes joy, acceptance, support, trust and love.

There is always time to take responsibility and create fluency in emotional intimacy in one’s life.

Here are some lessons learned along the way.

Lesson #1: Do the inner work…Knowing self is always the first step

This may seem redundant, like it’s been said a million times. But, it’s important! Humans are interesting and complex beings and rarely are we boring.

To expect others to share their authentic feelings, wants and needs its essential to have that skill as well.

Developing a daily practice for building self-awareness allows this inner work and growth to happen. Ask questions like: What am I doing? How can I flow gracefully? What do I like and/or not like? Be radically honest. Track what comes up and pay attention to it.

Lesson #2: Connect with the natural environment, self and others

Using yoga, walks in nature, partner acrobatic yoga and slackline yoga are all examples of self-reflection practices to connect with what is going on physically by tracking sensations in the body.

Practice noticing sensations when situations occur in a daily natural environment or with others and notice the body’s response.

Then, connect what emotion arises to that sensation. Finally, watch the reaction that comes from that emotion.

This is your life, there is the choice to tell and live your story as desired. Remember that the best way to be with someone is to be with yourself first.

Lesson #3: Communication Check-In

Having a regular check-in with someone is a great way to build trust about what is going on in each other’s lives. Communication check-in’s gives a place to be heard and to tell the truth (with no judgment). It also gives space to be supported and validated. Sometimes we need someone to tell us why we are struggling or to recognize when we shine.

Sharing a partner acrobatic yoga practice with another individual is a practice of deep connection and authentic communication.

This practice teaches to pay attention to what is happening internally with thoughts and emotions then; externally being able to communicate wants and needs like an adult in a mature, kind way to one another.

Regularly checking in while participating in this helps to communicate personal stuff as well as tell each other what observations in the other person were revealed when it came to successes, struggles and challenges. With sensitivity and kindness partner acrobatic yoga allows relationships to flourish and develop trust in all aspects of life.

Lesson #4: Trust one’s self and one another

One reveals their secrets to those they trust. Wounds are repaired when trust affords safety and offers love.

At times circumstances in life manifest from a place of power and position on an external level feeling like there is no control over it. Certainly it tests the depth of relationships in life often resulting in fear, embarrassment and hurt along the way.

In these challenging situations fears may be kept inside between those it involves and the role of victim starts to occur because instead of communicating these fears they are kept inside and often become the relationship itself.

Taking personal time to identify each person’s fear can be extremely empowering in shifting these difficult situations to one of hope, excitement and possibilities. Once the fears are identified within the building of trust and support occurs by sharing and discussing the fears aloud with one another.

Committing to ALWAYS voicing fears with one another with no judgment, no matter how scary or painful to admit results in deeper trust, healing and understanding for everyone involved.

Emotionally intimacy is a never ending challenge in life due to constant changes such as age, growth, finding new activities, making new friends, and going different places. Just when life seems figured out a new dynamic comes into play and mixes it all up.

The good news is though; emotional intimacy is like a muscle. The more its exercised through experiences and life lessons the stronger it will get and the more one is able to be exactly WHAT and WHO they are at any time and with anyone they desire to connect to on a deeper level.

Question: What is holding you back from having the emotional intimacy in your life you desire?

Biography:

Kendra Charts teaches multiple forms of Yoga. She strengthens connections for those desiring growth, confidence, and deeper relationships with each other and the world around us. Originally from the United States, today she and her partner explore the planet and work with students through private coaching, retreats and workshops. She writes weekly at www.morethandreaming.com.

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