my first article, please comment!

Have you ever thought why parents-children issue is so popular in psychological theories? Or why we often marry partners who is so similar by character t( and sometimes even by appearance)  to our parents? No less than its popular in theories its so much popular in cabinets of psychoanalytic and much more popular in friend-to-friend conversations. There are some explanations such they are first people who we contact with in our life so that is why they are  important. Its true, practical  psychologists with more than 15 years experience I can confirm that  lot of behavioral, mental and emotional habits we develop early childhood by strong influence of our parental environment. But it cant be final core explanation, because we still can ask one more question- why then this particular people are our parents? 

From spiritual point of view nothing is accidentally in our life. Everything what happens with us is perfect plan that our soul made before we were born in our body in this life time. And this plan has as main purpose our main lessons, which our should ha to learn. This lessons always lead to main goal- to make our soul overcome negative traits and become better. A lot of research about reincarnation confirm it and we can consider it as a very high possibility. So taking that into account we can see that we chose by our self who would  be our parents and in which family and circumstances we would be born. 
But again, how do we choose them? Will it be best and most comfortable people for us? Will it be someone who will give the most support for us? What is the criteria? Its all about our "individual developmental plan" - they are people (actually souls) who can best of all to help us learn our main lessons. They are ones who will best triggers for our fears, negative reactions, who will be best players in our game of life and who will best creators for our spiritual environment. Its all about making your life purposeful and meaningful from spiritual point of view. For example, if your main life lesson is to set clear boundaries , you most probably will have as a parents who treat you with some level of abuse, push you towards their interests, not supporting yours, always telling you what to do and what to wear, and etc. So its all for letting us to take this challenge in early childhood, set boundaries,  learn lesson, to go in our spiritual development one step up and become better. But what happens in most of the cases? First, when we are born we don't remember what we planned (this is actually the funniest moment in this quest of life), so we start either let them to break our boundaries, or we start blaming, or complaining ( very often it lasts till late adulthood), and then as soon as we have chance to un away from them into marriage, we do it! And, voila, we have season 2 in our movie- our partner is treating us the same way! Why? Because our soul thought in advance and created plan B for the case if we don't learn lesson with parents and asked another  soul of potential partner to come and take over this duties and continue work. So if we learn it with partner- we get bonus! Happy family life and one more exam passed in our list of marks:) if not? We go to new marriage and another ( and actually some people has more than 5 trials :), or we have our boss with the same style, or we have best friend who is treating us this way our our kids somehow start repeating out parents pattern. And the longer we keep our self from changing ourselves, the more people around us start reminding us about this initial lesson. 
So, what can we do?
1. Ask yourself, what is the most important challenges in communication with my parents now or was in childhood? What was the most difficult for me to do? What was bothering me the most in their behavior?  Identify what they pushed you to learn? What could you do differently to change it?
2. Reflect on your relationships with people around you. Do u see the same pattern? What if you try now that new behavior ? Will it change situation? Is there any chance that this challenging people are souls who are reminding you about lesson and helping you to learn it?
3. If you practice meditation, you can do simple but very useful one. Close your eyes, breath deeply preparing yourself for meditation and imagine yourself in front of your parents. Look at them, into eyes, smile them and ask respectfully: "dear father, what was the lesson you tried to teach me?" - listen answer. "Dear mother, what was the lesson your soul tried to teach me?" - listen answer. Whatever appears in your mind, listen it. You can reflect on that and analyze it later on. Then after you heard what they told you or what appeared in your mind, look at them with the smile, bow with respect and gratitude and say Thank you.
This practice helped a lot of my clients to see differently relationship with parents and identify life lessons. You can practice it several times and just meet them in your mind with bow, smile and gratitude can help you grow spiritually, because by accepting  their role in your spiritual growth you can see big picture of your life and become aware of your life lessons.

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Julie Am on June 16, 2014 at 4:57pm

Hi Elena,

First of all, I love the content of this article and the energy behind it.  This is a very important message in that every relationship, good or bad, is a learning experience.  Looking for the lessons to be learned particularly in the parent/child relationship can clear up so much in the way of patterns and perspectives carried on through life.

Perhaps, though, I can offer some helpful tips in your delivery of this beautiful and healing message.  There is a bit of an issue with readability.  If you were perhaps to break up some of the long sentences and paragraphs, it would make the article much more reader-friendly.  And, there are a few grammar issues that can be very easily cleaned up. 

Other than that, this is a wonderful article on a topic that will provide so many with the healing and direction they seek.  Thank you so much for sharing this with the world.

Many Blessings,

Julie

Permalink Reply by Trevor Taylor on June 17, 2014 at 3:42am

Hi Elena, thank you for posting this. I agree with Julie in her advice. What I would like to add is that you will need to look at grammar issues.  You leave out alot of 'a's', eg from 'spiritual point of view' should read from 'a spiritual point of view'. This happens alot in you narrative. And, also, singular, plural issues, eg 'why we often marry partners who is so similar should read 'who are so similar'. And as Julie says, Paragraph structure is so essential for a good article.  Steer away from the first person - articles need to be written in the third person. And don't forget to add a brief BIO. You do have potential to write good articles for the magazine, but the issues identified by Julie, and by me, are essential for a good, readable article. Well, having said that, wishing you good luck with your writings. Trevor

Permalink Reply by Elena Makarova on June 21, 2014 at 2:07pm

Dear Julie and Trevor,

thank you very much for your feedback!

English is still my challenge and I will think what I can do to prevent such mistakes in the future.

I will work on my style and your specific comments are very important! So happy to be part of that community. 

What do you think, should I edit this article to have more chanes to have it posted or should I write new one?

Warm regards!

Elena

Permalink Reply by Trevor Taylor on June 22, 2014 at 3:12am

Hi Elena. Whichever you feel comfortable with, re-working this article or starting afresh with a new article. Remember to write a clear introductory paragraph that introduces the reader to your message (main article content) and a conclusion that neatly summarises what you are saying in the article, and at the same time reinforces the message of your article. And include a brief BIO, please, at the end. Good luck with your writings, Trevor

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