Book Review: That Which Doesn't Kill Us: How One Couple Became Stronger at the Broken Places

By Marcia Naomi Berger, author of Marriage Meetings for Lasting Love

I know the authors, so I’m writing from firsthand experience about their most recent book. They are master teachers, gifted writers, and two of loveliest and the most authentic people…

Joan and Frank were married for 30 years. He was a career diplomat, and Joan faithfully followed him to his many posts around the world, being a supportive wife and mother of their three children. She made deep friendships and started projects wherever they lived. When they returned to the United States, their children grown, Joan decided…

Relationships don’t start with a high level of trust. Trust must be built day-by-day, when two people demonstrate trustworthiness through their words and actions. Trust is developed conversation by conversation, by working through conflicts and demonstrating kindness, generosity, and…

Couples that thrive are skilled in the art of attentive listening (also known as committed listening). They allow themselves to be penetrated by each other’s words and feelings. They don’t simply receive information, but allow themselves to be informed by it, and may even change their behavior accordingly.…

“Life is a succession of moments. To live each one is to succeed.”~Corita Kent

If you buy a raffle ticket, it may say “You must be present to win”…

“Happiness is when what you think, that you say, and what you do are in harmony.” MahatmaGandhi

If we find ourselves thinking about the "I" word, maybe it's because we’ve been…

Rosie and Wes married when they were both very young. Rosie had been a “Daddy’s girl,” always doted on and indulged by a father who treated her as if she could do no wrong. Wes adored her and did everything he could to try to make her happy. Unfortunately, Rosie was never quite satisfied with Wes’s offerings. She was often cold, aloof, and…

We don’t serve the needs of our children when we neglect our relationship to attend to them. It can sometimes feel as if there is a competition for attention between our partner and our kids. When we realize that the well-being of the children is directly related to the well-being of our marriage, we…

As a little girl, Dulce witnessed and felt the pain caused by anger, and she adopted a strategy of compliance to protect herself from strong emotions. She had negative experiences in her past from when she revealed her feelings and needs. She was shamed and blamed for expressing herself. When she attempted to be authentic, she was ridiculed for being overly sensitive,…

Many believe that-long term relationships eventually become boring. This myth can be hazardous to your relationship because it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. That can lead to a belief that when there are moments of diminished feelings of attraction, desire, or sexual excitement (all of which occur from time to time even in the best relationships) that the…

“For one human being to love another, that is perhaps the most difficult of all our tasks; the ultimate, the last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but preparation.”    –   Rainer Maria Rilke

It’s mysterious that a process as natural and universal as…

“Happiness is like a butterfly, when pursued is always beyond our grasp. But if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you.” Nathaniel Hawthorne

Linda:  And the same can be said about love. If it pursued with excessive vigor or desperation, it will elude us. Sit quietly, and…

Conscious living requires us to make assessments. We assess risk level, cost benefits, and appropriateness of behaviors in specific situations. We have to make certain judgment calls every day. We make judgments in our relationships too, but we sometimes forget that they are personal, temporary evaluations, instead viewing them as objectively. Being…

A Story of Heaven and Hell                                       

Heaven and hell are set up the same way. In each place people sit at large rectangular banquet tables. The tables are beautifully set and have every imaginable delicacy. All the diners in both settings have…

Conscious living requires us to make assessments. We assess risk level, cost benefits, and appropriateness of behaviors in specific situations. We have to make certain judgment calls every day. We make judgments in our relationships too, but we sometimes forget that they are personal, temporary evaluations, instead viewing them as objectively. Being judgmental in a…

A Story of Heaven and Hell                                       

Heaven and hell are set up the same way. In each place people sit at large rectangular banquet tables. The tables are beautifully set and have every imaginable delicacy. All the diners in both settings have large wooden paddles strapped to their hands which can’t be removed.…

There once lived a tailor name Zumbach who had a reputation for making the finest of clothing. He used only the best fabrics and he was especially known for his impeccable suits. One day a man named Sam walked into his shop and plopped down a large bundle of money in front of the famous…

Empathy is defined as “the psychological identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another.” Empathy results from understanding another deeply. When we look at the world from our partner’s point of view, we begin to bridge the gap of understanding between us. When we are emotionally activated by tension,…

There is a story about an old Chinese farmer who lived in ancient times. He was the envy of his rather small village, because unlike most of the other farmers, he possessed a horse. One day, however, his horse ran away and his neighbors who soon heard of his misfortune were quick to offer him words of consolation. “What a shame that you’ve lost your horse; how…

To the degree that old unhealed wounds and unmet needs are carried into adulthood, we will see our partner as having the power, even the responsibility to rescue us from this pain by providing us finally, with the quality of love that we never received. What we desire from this person is love that is healing, affirming, all encompassing, unconditionally accepting and…