Everyone praises the value of love. This article challenges the the popular culture's emphasis on love as being loved, or at least receiving love in reciprocation for the love one gives. It explains that real love takes us beyond self-centeredness and motivates us to connect meaningfully with another. Loving is really more about relationship partners giving of themselves and making sacrifices for each other, so as to keep their relationship… Continue
Added by Marcia Naomi Berger on September 6, 2017 at 6:00am —
While it can feel safer to avoid expressing our true selves in a relationship, this is a risky strategy for anyone who wants to connect meaningfully. Acting pleasant and agreeable when we don't feel that way might help us get along superficially. But hiding our true feelings and needs from a partner causes distance and resentment. If we're basically compatible, by showing her or him who we really are we create a more satisfying… Continue
Added by Marcia Naomi Berger on July 30, 2017 at 11:30am —
As a therapist, I see a common self-defeating pattern…
Added by Marcia Naomi Berger on July 20, 2017 at 6:33pm —
Many single men and women fear that marriage will crush their separate identity. This need not happen. A good marriage supports both interdependence and independence. We all depend on others in life for many things. Marriage is simply one way this interdependence happens. Yet we all want to have enough independence to feel alive, vital, and fully human. This…
Added by Marcia Naomi Berger on May 7, 2017 at 11:00am —
“Marriages are forms of super friendship”
— John F. Helliwell, Senior Fellow of the Canadian Institute for Advanced Research
Some marriages begin with love at first sight. Usually, but not always, they fail after the initial buzz wears off. Others begin with a friendship that grows into love. This kind of marriage is more likely to succeed in the long run.… Continue
Added by Marcia Naomi Berger on April 30, 2017 at 11:00am —
Many people think that if a marriage is basically healthy all issues get resolved. Yet according to psychologist and author John Gottman’s research, 69 percent of problems in marriage do not get solved.1]
His good news is that in good marriages many problems can be managed. Gottman states that couples can live with unresolvable conflicts about perpetual issues in their relationship if the issues are not deal… Continue
Added by Marcia Naomi Berger on January 15, 2017 at 11:00am —
Did you know that most Americans pray daily? According to a Pew Research Center survey, 55% of Americans say they pray every day. Another 21% say they pray weekly or monthly. Even many who are not religiously affiliated say they pray daily.
Many people who grew up with no experience around prayer can learn from mentors and role models who seemed to excel at it. Their deep faith can be contagious so others can become more comfortable with… Continue
Added by Marcia Naomi Berger on January 11, 2017 at 11:00am —
Have you heard that marriage gets boring after a while? This is only true when things get too familiar and predictable. Granted, we like routines and it’s nice to know that we can count on our spouse being there when we go to bed and wake up. But this doesn’t mean that after you realize he’s (or she’s) the one that the fun has to end.
It means to notice when it’s time to add excitement to your marriage. When an activity you used to enjoy on your own or as a couple no longer… Continue
Added by Marcia Naomi Berger on September 18, 2016 at 10:30am —
“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken, quipped Oscar Wilde.
You’ve probably heard it’s best to be yourself. Sounds easy, doesn’t it?
Yet many of us, wanting to please someone with whom we are in a close relationship—or with whom we may hope to be--forget to follow this advice and end up in relationships that are less than fulfilling.
In Dating and Marriage, Know Yourself
Ideally, you’ll make sure that you know who you really are before marrying. You’ll be… Continue
Added by Marcia Naomi Berger on September 11, 2016 at 11:30am —
Amazing and true, yes, you can virtually guarantee a lasting happy marriage, if you've chosen a compatible partner in the first place.
Before marrying--or after if you’re already married--why not try out what could be the best way to keep your relationship on track as you journey through life together?
Regardless of life’s ups and downs, the two of you can continue to enjoy romance, romance, intimacy, and teamwork. You’ll deal with issues constructively and usually arrive at… Continue
Added by Marcia Naomi Berger on August 3, 2016 at 5:30am —
No problem.” “No worries.” We hear these responses from sales clerks, food servers, and others after we thank them for doing their job. Also from friends, family members, and acquaintances.
What’s wrong with this?
The unconscious does not recognize a negative
What’s wrong is that the unconscious does not recognize a negative. To prove this point, try this experiment: Imagine yourself being told right now, “Don’t think of a… Continue
Added by Marcia Naomi Berger on June 22, 2016 at 8:20pm —
The Boys in the Boat is an enormously popular, wonderful book. It also contains a message for success in marriage.
What do you think a great marriage looks like? Spouses enjoying being together, basically in harmony for a lifetime?
Or does “happily married” sound to you like an impossible dream?
Cynicism about marriage is common these days. Fairytales that finish with “and they lived happily ever after” don’t mention a key ingredient in marriage. Nor do… Continue
Added by Marcia Naomi Berger on May 1, 2016 at 6:30am —
Disagreeing is challenging for many. How we express disagreement can harm or enhance a relationship, depending on how we do it.
How do you handle a difference of opinion with your spouse or others? Do you express yourself truthfully and respectfully? Become angry or defensive? Or do you try to keep the peace with silence or by changing the subject?
Virginia Satir, a social worker and founder of the family therapy movement, specified five… Continue
Added by Marcia Naomi Berger on April 18, 2016 at 9:00am —
Many people think that if a marriage is basically healthy all issues get resolved. Yet according to psychologist and author John Gottman’s research, 69 percent of problems in marriage do not get solved.
His good news is that in good marriages many problems can be managed.… Continue
Added by Marcia Naomi Berger on March 20, 2016 at 9:00am —
Money can be a sensitive topic in dating and marriage. Often cited as a cause of divorce, a conflict about money is usually a symptom of something else. Often the real issue is a lack of constructive communication by partners about what’s important to each of them.
Depending on who you are, talking about money with a partner may be taboo, acceptable, or somewhere in between. In many cultures and families, it is not okay to talk about money. In others, it’s fine to speak openly about… Continue
Added by Marcia Naomi Berger on March 17, 2016 at 2:15pm —
Many people think that if a marriage is basically healthy all issues get resolved. Yet according to psychologist and author John Gottman’s research, 69 percent of problems in marriage do not get solved
His good news is that in good marriages many problems can be managed. Gottman states that couples can live with unresolvable conflicts about perpetual issues in their relationship if the issues… Continue
Added by Marcia Naomi Berger on February 18, 2016 at 4:46pm —
Do you think marriage has to become boring after a while? That's a myth. You can add excitement to your relationship--by branching out from your "same old same old," familiar, predictable actions.
Granted, we like routines. It's nice to know we can count on our spouse being there when we go to bed and wake up. But this doesn't mean that after realizing he's (or she's) the one that the fun has to end.
It means to notice when it's time to add excitement to your marriage.… Continue
Added by Marcia Naomi Berger on January 20, 2016 at 8:30am —
When it comes to a potentially romantic relationship, chemistry is a loaded word. Does one of these beliefs pop into your mind when you hear it?
- For a good relationship, chemistry needs to be there right away.
- Chemistry might not be felt initially but can develop later.
- Love at first sight, or a variation of this, predicts a good long term relationship.
- Chemistry can come and go, depending on other factors.
- Chemistry is not essential for a…
Added by Marcia Naomi Berger on January 13, 2016 at 8:30am —
If you’ve been telling yourself for a very long time that you want to get married, but for one reason or another it hasn’t happened, chances are that part of you wants to get married and part of you is resisting the idea.
When Carolyn, a dear friend and coworker of Shari’s told her decades ago that she, Shari, was ambivalent about marrying, she didn’t believe her. How could she have thought that? Shari… Continue
Added by Marcia Naomi Berger on January 9, 2016 at 10:48pm —
Most New Year's resolutions sound wonderful. But you know what happens: They're out the window before February. The best way to keep your promise is to start small.
Although I'm about to suggest some resolutions to enrich your relationship, I recommend that you commit to just one, after first selecting carefully. You want to promise to do something that is doable now.
Accept the Truth
Be honest with yourself. You or… Continue
Added by Marcia Naomi Berger on December 31, 2015 at 8:30pm —