Is Higher Ego Power Damaging Your Relationships?
Lots of research has shown that a very important influence on wellness and the quality of our lives involves the relationships we experience. Relationships with our parents, children, spouse/partner, friends, co-workers, as well as with ourselves are a barometer as to how well things are going in our life –or not. The more our ego energy is imbalanced, the greater the chance that what we manifest within relationships is unhelpful and unhealthy—but often we don’t know it. The worse things are going in your relationships—which a person often fails to recognize—the “louder” is ego’s voice in your being. For those with higher ego power the control of others is at the center of their relationships. They enjoy controlling the thoughts, emotions, and behaviors of others, particularly those closest to them, while resisting any influence from others. Frequently, they use manipulation, exploitation, and abuse—physical or psychological—to establish this control. Their needs come first and they bring self-absorption and narcissism into their relationships, which is destructive to them. The following is an excerpt from The Two Voices Within: Balancing the Energies of Ego and Spirit to Enhance Your Life in which the impact of ego’s voice and higher ego power on relationships is presented.
Through your power, I am helping you to dominate, control, or know more than others. You are to believe that listening to others is not necessary; that listening to others, thinking what they think, or doing what they do would be weakness, an experience that is foreign to you. Others cannot really know more than you do. Your way is right and doesn’t need to be challenged or changed—their does. Changing yourself would be foolishness and a sign of weakness. You can mistreat people when necessary, know that you are better than them, underestimate them where needed, insist on doing things the best or right way – which is your way – and be overly confident.
You must stay independent from those who are closest to you, be they your spouse or partner, children, siblings, or parents. They cannot know as much as you do or influence you. That would be weakness. You must not communicate, compromise, or show compassion, since that would signal weakness to them. You need to do most of the thinking in the relationships with the people who are closest to you, so everyone can be protected by your wisdom. I help you to insist on your partner becoming as much like you as possible in his or her approach to things, so your partner can be a better person—you.
You are to love yourself more than anyone else, someone others can love even more than they love themselves, and someone who is more important than everyone else. Recognize that all criticism of you is destructive, only intended to weaken you. You must know that you are entitled to and deserve all of the love that others can give to you, love that you can use to further empower yourself.
If the content from this excerpt resonates, you can read further in The Two Voices Within to see if you are living any of the roles we discuss linked to higher ego power energy (Dictator, Rebel, Narcissist, Ultra-Competitor, Control Freak, Exploiter, Independent, or Bully). It is when we are living these roles some or most of the time that we are being most destructive to others and ultimately ourselves. Complementary material for those who would like to heal and bring their higher ego power into balance can be found in Ego Therapy: A Method for Healing Your Whole Self (Chapters 6 and 12) and EgoSpiritualism: Awakening to Your Human and Divine Self (Chapter 7).
Higher ego power often has a profound negative impact upon relationships with family, friends, co-workers, authority figures, etc. Rather than sharing control, these individuals seek to impose it upon others while resisting influence from others—even when it is positive and constructive. This undermines the use of important tools often used to “grow” relationships such as communication, compromise, compassion, and creativity. The cumulative impact of treating people as if they are “egoless”, are hollow, empty, and distant relationships with one’s spouse/partner, children, “friends”, and co-workers.
Dr. Nickolas Martin is a licensed psychologist who has worked in clinical, university, public school and private practice settings as a therapist, diagnostician, educator and consultant for 35 years. He authored Ego Therapy: A Method for Healing Your Whole Self and co-authored with Rev. Linda M. Martin, EgoSpiritualism: Awakening to Your Human and Divine Self and The Two Voices Within: Balancing the Energies of Ego and Spirit to Enhance Your Life.