As a psychic medium I help clients work through many different challenges that occur in their lives, but the one most frequently addressed is the loss of a relationship.   Whether the breakup is expected, or it blindsides us on a Sunday morning, the results are the same.  There are few things as painful as losing someone who we have trusted, loved and been vulnerable with, especially if there is betrayal and deception that comes to light during the breakup.  

So how do we keep our sanity during this painful transition?  How do we pick up the pieces of our lives that have been so very interwoven with another, often for many many years.  We may not even know who we are without that other person.  Loss is loss and grief is grief, and once it’s over, we can be left with all the stages of grief to deal with like denial, anger, depression, bargaining and acceptance.  And unfortunately for anyone who has dealt with this, these stages do not follow any order, but jump from one to the other on a daily basis for months, sometimes even years if not properly dealt with.

Everyone is going to process grief and loss differently, so first of all, allow yourself to feel the emotions.  Keeping in mind of course, that your emotions are not who you are, they are simply what you feel at any given time.  Emotions ebb, they flow, they come, they go.  Repressing these emotions will just have them bubble up at a later date and can also cause another relationship like the old one to occur again.  So use this time to feel and reflect and learn from the experience.  

Stop communication with the ex!  Just stop!  (If there are children this is a bit tricky, but less communication is better in the long run.)  Actions speak FAR louder than any words your ex may tell you, so if they are not back with you, that means they don’t want you.  It may sound harsh, but it’s true!  Don’t waste your time, emotions and energy thinking things may work out.  If they do eventually, they will do so on their own accord, but if you do not sever all things with them, or spend time stalking them on social media and such, you are not allowing yourself to move forward.  Block them, take them out of your contacts if you can, cut all the cords that you are able.   You may also want to do some research on techniques for “cutting cords.” 

Remember, this has very little to do with you and everything to do with your ex.  Like  Don Miguel Ruiz explains in his book The Four Agreements, “Nothing others do is because of you, it is simply a projection of their own reality.”  Whether people love us or hate us has nothing to do with us and everything to do with them.  I am not saying it doesn’t take two to tango, but there is much more to a breakup than this.

Physically clean out ALL remnants of your ex from your living space, or as much as you can.  Clean, wash walls with white vinegar if you have to, move furniture around, sage everything; whatever it takes to remove the other person’s energy from your space.   Get rid of photos, or at least store them away for a time.  You are recreating who you are, so start with the basics like your living space.

Move your body, get out of the house, keep busy in healthy and positive ways.  Join the gym, find some meetup groups that focus on things like pottery, jewelry making, a book club, or whatever it is that you enjoy.  This is YOUR TIME to make new habits, learn from past mistakes and step into this new and improved person you are becoming!  Don’t look back because you’re not going that way!   

You may notice your mind ruminating, like a broken record, playing over and over again, but the sooner you cut those cords, it will help to control the mind chatter.  Replace your thoughts with all that you are grateful for and other positive things. When the negative talk enters your mind, nip it in the bud with the simple technique of saying “cancel, cancel, delete, delete” or “only good will come from this experience.”

Also, do not be afraid to seek professional help, whether from a talk therapist, hypnosis therapist, energy healer, acupuncturist, and other healing modalities.  Many of our bad break ups teach us the most, so use this time to dig deep within, in a constructive way, so you heal, learn and evolve into a better version of yourself.

You will love again.  You will heal.  Be patient and understanding with yourself, utilize loved ones for support, allow your emotions to flow through you and then release them.  Never forget that you are a spiritual being having a human experience and all of these experiences are taking place so you can learn.  You are not your pain.  You are not your emotions.  Use this time to focus on loving who you are, learning more about yourself, and embracing all the beautiful new and exciting adventures they lie ahead of you.  You a re FREE.  Embrace it!

Susan Schueler is a professional psychic medium who lives in Venice Beach California with her two dogs and magical cat Merkaba.   She does live Mediumship and Psychic Demonstrations, private readings and small group readings in both New York and California.  She also does private readings around the world with the aid of Skype.  Susan loves to teach and help other people heal, and therefore hosts several on-going, in person development circles, and also many on-line video conference courses and workshops, teaching both adults and young people how to use their intuition and mediumistic abilities.  Prior to being a full time Psychic Medium, Susan was a high school teacher for almost 25 years and is certified in both NY State and California in Secondary Education. 

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Comment by Susan Schueler on November 7, 2018 at 7:56am

Moving Forward With Grace After a Breakup

As a psychic medium I help clients work through many different challenges that occur in their lives, but the one most frequently addressed is the loss of a relationship.   Whether the breakup is expected, or it blindsides a person on a Sunday morning, the results are the same.  There are few things as painful as losing someone who has been trusted, loved, and vulnerable with; especially if there is betrayal and deception that comes to light during the breakup.  

So how do people keep sane during this painful transition?  How does one pick up the pieces of his or her life, especially after having been so interwoven with another, often for many years.  Many people do not even know who they are without his or her significant other.  Loss is loss and grief is grief, and once it’s over, a person can be left with all the stages of grief to deal with like denial, anger, depression, bargaining and acceptance.  And unfortunately for anyone who has dealt with this, these stages do not follow any order, but jump from one to the other on a daily basis for months, sometimes even years if not properly dealt with.

Everyone is going to process grief and loss differently, so first of all, an individual must allow him or her self to feel all of the many emotions.  Keeping in mind of course, that emotions are not who a person is, they are simply what someone feels at any given time.  Emotions ebb, they flow, they come, they go.  Repressing these emotions will just have them bubble up at a later date and can also cause another relationship like the old one to occur again.  So use this time to feel and reflect and learn from the experience.  

Stop communication with the ex!  Just stop!  (If there are children this is a bit tricky, but less communication is better in the long run.)  Actions speak FAR louder than any words someone’s ex may tell them, so if they are not back with the person, it means they don’t want them.  It may sound harsh, but it’s true!  A grieving person should not waste his or her time, emotions and energy hoping things may work out.  If they do eventually, they will do so on their own accord, but if communication is not severed with the ex, or one is spending time stalking them on social media and such, it will be impossible to move forward.  Block them, take them out of any contacts, and cut all cords.   There is a lot of helpful information on the internet for “cutting cords.” 

Like  Don Miguel Ruiz explains in his book The Four Agreements, “Nothing others do is because of you, it is simply a projection of their own reality.”  Whether people love or hate others has nothing to do with the other person, and everything to do with them.  

Physically clean out ALL remnants of the other person from all living spaces, or as much as possible.  Clean, wash walls with white vinegar, move or buy new furniture, sage everything; whatever it takes to remove the other person’s energy.   Get rid of photos, or at least store them away for a time.  Individuals need to recreate who they are, so start with the basics like living spaces.

It’s important for a grieving person to move his or her body, get out of the house, and keep busy in healthy and positive ways.  Join the gym, find some meetup groups that focus on things like pottery, jewelry making, a book club, or whatever it is that one enjoys.  This is the time to make new habits, learn from past mistakes and step into this new and improved person!  Don’t look back because you’re not going that way!   

There may be times when the mind ruminates, like a broken record, playing over and over again, but the sooner a person cuts those cords, the sooner the mind chatter will slow down.  One should replace these thoughts with all that he or she is grateful for, or other positive mantras and things. When negative talk enters the mind, nip it in the bud with the simple technique of saying “cancel, cancel, delete, delete” or “only good will come from this experience.”

Also, do not be afraid to seek professional help, whether from a talk therapist, hypnotherapist, energy healer, acupuncturist, and other healing modalities.  Many of life’s bad break ups teach individuals the most, so use this time to dig deep within, in a constructive way, so one heals, learns and evolves into a better version of his or her self.

Those with broken hearts will love again.  They will heal.  Be patient and understanding with feelings, utilize loved ones for support, allow emotions to flow through and then release them.  Never forget that humans are simply spiritual beings currently having a human experience and all of these situations are taking place so learning may be achieved.  The pain a person feels is not what defines them.  Use this time to focus on loving self, while embracing all the beautiful new and exciting adventures that lie ahead.  Being now free, embrace this new found power and delve into the beauty of the soul, and all the new possibilities ahead!  Be FREE!  Be love!  Be powerful!

Susan is a psychic medium living in Venice Beach California with her two dogs and magical cat Merkaba.   She does live demonstrations, private readings and teaching around the country.   Prior to being a full time Psychic Medium, Susan was a teacher for almost 25 years and is certified in both NY State and California.  Susan may be reached at: MediumSusan.com.

Comment by Leigh Burton on November 6, 2018 at 3:00pm

Hi there.  Great piece.  This is definitely something people need to hear.

I would like to submit to publishing for the magazine.  Before I can do that, can you be sure that it meets the following requirements?

1) Abstract at the beginning with a word count of approximately 60 words

2) Bio at the end approximately 60 words, with a link to where readers may be able to follow you

3) Keep submission between 600 and 1000 words

4) Submissions are to be sent to publishing in third person style

I hope you will respond.  It was a great write.

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