As we already know, the psychology of human behavior is complex. There are different stages that we can calculate when trying to figure out a human profile –
- 1. The baggage we come with (karma)
- 2. The education we get (family)
- 3. Personal life experience
As either professional psychologists or simple interested observers of a person suffering from a violent attitude, we need not apply a treatment or just say `that person is obviously crazy`, but we should go directly to the causes -> why is he/she aggressive? What are the causes?
And when answering to these questions, the most important way of analyzing it is by relating to the 3 stages mentioned above. Why? Because the answers are right there and the healing is directly related to some specific events that occurred at some point during one or more stages in life.
Understanding and accepting negative experiences as a karmic balance both in childhood life as well as in adult life, is the pointing start in healing. And violence or aggressiveness stay as base that forms our miserable life -> aggressiveness comes from frustrations, fears and disappointment.
Negative experiences are made for us to grow as spiritual individuals, to erase violence of any kind and never take revenge on life including the persons around us. At some point in our adult life, we need to release this heavy baggage and take the content to a higher level of understanding.
Easier said than done, wonderful words and advices, but in fact, being aggressive/violent is a result of a personal trauma which is hard to handle right. Whether we talk about incest, early childhood beating, over-protective parental behavior, verbal aggressiveness, addictions of any kind, false encouragement, indifference or abandonment, we relate to fear and anger that conclude in aggressive behavior and often lead to mental disorder.
As an adult you find yourself in situations that you cannot understand, wondering why life seems unfair to you, or you find yourself in your parents` shoes applying the same educational methods because `this how I learnt from my parents, as a child`. But is it right? We hardly ask ourselves this question, but we leave us carried away by our negative perception.
No matter the trauma you`ve been dealing with as a child (mostly), as an adult you ought to learn how to practice self-observation, ask some questions and try in finding some answers.
In fact, being aggressive is just a normal reaction of self-conservation, it is a defense in the face of that danger we once lived, continuing to live it, blame and punish the ones around us for our trauma. We develop and maintain aggressiveness in different ways -> physical (when always willing to be open for a fight or hurting our family members), verbal (when being obstinate)or in simple gestures noticed in everyday activities that we are not aware of.
When applying a self-observation, when really getting to see ourselves in the mirror and when accepting that we need help, the first thing that comes out is `how I can heal myself?` `Before getting help from an external factor, am I able to try actually doing something that may respond to my negative behavior?`
Here are some 11 healers for calming your spirit –>
1. 1. Take a short walk! -> Spend time outdoors! Nature is our best healer. Whenever we feel heaviness on our shoulders and we tend to argue with someone, take a few minutes for a walk. Even if we are in the big polluted city and don`t have a park nearby or mountains or sea or plenty of nature in front of our eyes, it`s good to just take a walk until you feel you released that tension. It really works!
2. 2. Sports!! -> Just go for a run or take one hour to the gym and you`ll get rid of that bunch of negative thoughts that you may have gathered. Intense physical activity is what it takes for your brain to calm down because all your tension and potential aggressive behavior is being released from your body by doing some cardio, tae bo or dance. Also, jogging outdoors might be the best as is quite arduous for most of us. Plus, nature comes with an addition of calmness.
3. 3. Meditate! - > whenever you feel tension, had a hard conversation or a major altercation, take a moment in the other room and breath. Breath slowly from all your being and try to relax that irritated mind by focusing only on your deep breathing. A chill out music on the background will just do the thing for 15 minutes to half an hour. And if you own a garden, do not expect anything else, just pose yourself in the middle of it for a while.
4. 4. Take long walks! -> I was talking about short walks in case of an urgent need. But when dealing with a much more than just a moment of tension, make time and have long walks, maybe trips to the mountains, heading through the next city on foot for a day or admiring the coast when at the seaside. Long walks are known to be best healers when aggressiveness pressures you for one reason or another. Due to this physical consumption, the effort, new sightseeing and faces, `swallowing the roads` will instantly calm your mind and bad intentions.
5. 5. Gardening -> passionate or not, you may try some gardening. It`s healing your soul and clearing your mind. Get dirty for a good reason!
6. 6. Crafting/Repairing/House work -> when in pressure, try engaging in some house working from cleaning, repairing or reconditioning stuff to crafting new objects, decorations etc. You`ll be surprised to discover your talents and skills. And again, get dirty for a good cause!
7. 7. Listen to music! -> you would probably think about some classics as Beethoven or Ravel or chill out music as said before. I am not going to say `no` to those. But be surprised and find out that when you experience some angry state, you may want to listen to some good old-school hip-hop. Having a frustration/grudge near to become aggressive means you maybe want to address not nice words to someone or you are blaming yourself for whatever. Listening to rap/hip-hop of good quality will release your desire of `getting even`. Justice is made!
8. 8. Talk to a trustful person! -> we feel we want to let it out because otherwise we are going crazy -> so call a friend and ask for help, advice, expose your problem and get listened. It`s comforting and you`ll learn that asking for help/advice is nothing to be ashamed of.
9. 9. Dedicate your time to a person (in need)! -> you can definitely expose yourself to a friend and ask to be heard, but you can also become a listener. Have you ever thought about letting go or get over some destructive feelings or thoughts only by being a good listener for a person in need? You`ll be surprised by the fact that you can find answers and heal yourself only by listening to your friends` problems. Don`t ever say `no` to a person in need that wants to be heard, just listen, observe and share experience or give advice and you might be the key for your own issues. Is that rule called `I advice everyone about what to do in life and my own life is a mess`. I am sure most of us have been there. Well, you may start practicing self-curing by giving advice to others if you feel good about it.
10. 10. Write/Draw! -> a negative vibe can be also `attacked` by writing or drawing. Write whatever it comes to your mind – verses, drama, simple words, write a letter to your beloved that you want to speak to so much but you don`t have the courage to, draw your thoughts, your solutions or your desires. It is an excellent exercise of release and creativity! Find the artist in you!
11. 11. Practice assertiveness! -> when having an argument with someone, you tend to address unpleasant words, have a bad attitude or stressing on body language. Practicing assertiveness (sustain your point of view in a polite and civilized way by bringing strong arguments that can properly stand for your statement) is a way of getting aware about your true intentions and pass them on so they can be truly understood. Make courage and express your feelings and opinions to the ones you need them to understand! Dialogue/communication is everything in any kind of healthy relationship! And it will always save relationships from misunderstandings.
These 11 possible healers are, of course, just a few and they meant to be practiced by anyone and everyone, with or without problems! They represent preventions for possible negative experiences and they heal the ones already installed.
Feel free to add as many as you can find according to your personal experiences!
I am an upholder of comparative knowledge, a Romanian philologist, writer and stage performer, self-taught individual in sustainable fashion design (recycling-stands for the environmental protection as well as against hyper-consumption) and contemporary psychology and human behavior.
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