You have met Mr or Mrs Right. For the first few weeks things are going swimmingly well. Ok, there are a few little niggles but you let it slide. Why? Well, it’s early days and you do not want to ruin this perfect bubble of romantic bliss. But as the weeks progress, you both settle into the relationship. Those “little niggles” that you let slide have now become big niggles and they are really upsetting you. Where did it all go wrong? The answer is simple: You did not stick to your love boundaries.
It’s likely that many of you have not yet begun to consider what your boundaries are in love, believing the age old saying “love has no boundaries”. There may be a variety of other reasons why you may not have set your boundaries in love, the most common being that: “He/she will think that I am bossy or controlling.” Setting boundaries is not about being bossy or controlling. But it is about empowering yourself, modelling to the other person how it is that you would like to be treated. In this light setting your own personal boundaries can be one of your most valuable assets in your relationship.
To understand the importance of love boundaries it may be helpful to consider the following scenario. Let’s say you are going on your first date with Mr/Mrs Right. They are late to meet you, leaving you waiting in the cold and rain. You tell him off in a jokey way, not wanting to ruin the evening. But by date 3 he/she is still leaving you waiting, as they arrive 20 minutes late for what should have been a romantic dinner. Before you know it you are 6 months into the relationship and you are still waiting. This time you are waiting for he/she to decide if they are ready to commit and you end up in tears from all the waiting. Before long you are making excuses for their behaviour until it all becomes too much and you decide to call in a day. You move on to the next one but somehow history seems to repeat itself. They too leave you waiting; waiting by the phone for them to call, waiting for them to make a decision about they want……. STOP! What you have here is a relationship habit; A habit that you will keep repeating until you take responsibility and start setting clear boundaries for your romantic partnerships.
The good news is that relationship habits, those scenarios that you keep finding yourself in, are the best place to start when beginning the process of setting relationship boundaries. In identifying them you have to be honest and take a reflective look at past romantic partnerships to see where it has all gone wrong in the past. Being able to do this requires courage but once you have done it, you empower yourself to take responsibility for your actions, happiness and relationships. In doing this you also begin to recognise and accept that YOU are responsible for your happiness, nobody else. You begin to realise that you do not have to put up with any old crap and that you deserve to be happy in love.
Having boundaries is the easy bit. Sticking to your boundaries; well, that’s the hard bit and believe me once you have told the Universe what your boundaries are they will send potential partners, to test those boundaries. To test YOU! With this in mind it is important that you stick to those boundaries. No excuses about the other person being the first amazing guy/woman that you have met in ages. There is no time for excuses when setting and working within your own set of personal love boundaries. You have got to stick to the boundaries! Here are 3 reasons why it’s important to have boundaries and stick to them:
It creates balance in your relationship
When you let your boundaries slip you are effectively allowing yourself to dance to the other person’s tune. You are doing things to keep the other person happy at the expense of your own happiness. Is this a balanced relationship? No, it’s not! It’s an unbalanced relationship with the spotlight firmly centred upon the happiness of one person and it’s not you. When you have boundaries you give balance to your relationship allowing both parties to enjoy the relationship as you both get what you want from one another.
You show the other person how you deserve to be treated
All too often us women think that the man knows how we want to be treated and, if he doesn’t, then he bloody well should. But that’s not the case because one size fits all relationships don’t exist. We are all different. What works for one woman is a distraction and annoyance for another. When we have boundaries and learn to say ‘No!’ we send a clear message about what we will and will not put up with. In doing this we are showing the other person how it is we want and deserve to be treated.
When you know what you want and refuse to settle for anything less you feel empowered. What happens when you feel empowered? Well, you feel great and that energy radiates outward, touching every person you come into contact with. It is when you are in this state of mind and powerful place in your life that you attract great things and people into your life. Under the law of attraction: like attracts like. Positive, happy and loving people want to be around people who resonate at the same energy level. It is this type of partner and relationship that you want in your life, something very much unlike what you have had before.
In essence, setting personal boundaries in love is like running your own VIP club. There are certain boundaries that cannot be crossed and it’s up to you to eject those that choose to cross the boundaries. When you first start setting your boundaries in love it will be tricky, you may even find yourself reverting to old ways. However, once you get started you will feel more empowered and from empowerment comes a sense of positive upliftment, as well as a greater sense of self love. You know what happens when feel positive and live your life from a place a love, don’t you? That’s right you attract more of the same into your life. So, what have you got to lose? Start setting and applying those love boundaries today!
Chanel is a Psychic, Angel/Tarot card reader and Angelic Reiki Healer specialising in the areas of love and relationships, as well as spiritual healing and chakra cleansing. To find out more about Chanel and her work please visit: http://chanelpsychichealer.blogspot.co.uk