Ever been so busy worrying about if your life is happening the way you’d like it to that you forget to live your life they way you’d like to? I’ve done this countless times. It truly is a lesson in futility, because the more you worry that things may not be happening the way you’d like, they aren’t.
This past month has been one in trying to be in the moment for me. I have particularly been paying close attention to how I feel. I never realized how much time I spend trying to control my future. “Is it happening?” “Will everything be ok?” “What am I not doing?” “What am I doing wrong?” Aaaaaagh. These crazy thoughts may seem like I am focused on creating my perfect future, but really they are only distracting me from having an enjoyable life. Every moment I spend in anxiety, worry, trying, or doubting is a moment spent in pain – not joy.
I have begun to adopt a practice of every morning, not allowing myself to get out of bed until I can feel grateful for things in my life and excited about the day ahead. Sometimes I don’t get up for another half hour, but I always get there. The truth is, I want to feel grateful and excited about my day. I believe everyone does. So how do we get out of the routine of this self-imposed suffering and into the routine of self-imposed joy?
I could go on and on, but the major theme with all of this is to dare to feel love and joy instead of judgment. Feel joy for your day instead of judging it before it happens. Feel love for your neighbor instead of judging them for their annoying behaviour. Feel love for yourself instead of tearing yourself apart because you should have known better. What good does all the judging, hating, and ridicule do for you? Nothing, other than satisfy the ego’s need to be right about how things should be. But if you don’t feel good, it’s not right. Feel love. It always will feel right and good. Trust me.
I am not perfect and I in no way am in a loving state every moment of my day, nor should you think you must be. But every moment I add in love is a moment not spent feeling something undesirable. Every moment I allow to be in light heartedness and kindness is a moment I feel the light heartedness and kindness.
Here’s the kicker: Feeling good comes from within. No one can give it to you. You may think others can by acting just the way you want them to, but let’s face it, that’s never going to happen, nor should it. If it did, then how would you have to act to make sure everyone around you feels good? Feeling good is not about controlling others actions around you. It is about controlling your reactions to others around you, realizing you do have a choice in how you feel about something.
My wish is for us to truly understand this otherwise we continue to remain victim to the lie we have all lived: that others define who we are, our value, and our worth. But they don’t. They never have. We do. It’s an inside job, as much as we may hate to admit that our suffering is self-imposed. It is. Our joy is self-imposed too. Which are you going to inflict upon yourself?
I have defined myself in a fairly harsh way much of my life. I have changed much of that now through the kindness and love I wrote about earlier. I admit it takes practice, but it does deliver immediate results. Give yourself a break, cut yourself some slack, and laugh at how life can be! What do you have to lose except worry, hate, and some righteousness? Trust me, they just weigh you down. Let the love allow you to soar. You may find that you can even fly!