When our boundaries are crossed, we suffer to varying degrees due to what feels like an act of disrespect. When our boundaries are violated, it is because someone wants to tell us how to live or what to do.
Not knowing what boundaries are is something which often happens when we are young, but it can also manifest later in life.
Too often we grow up not being able to say “No” or “Stop” when treated poorly. We are taught to consider the opinions of others and, for the most part don’t want to hurt another person’s feelings by shutting them down. It makes us uncomfortable. The conundrum is that we need to be able to work through that discomfort in order to have our boundaries respected.
Boundaries are the space where we end, and other people begin. When we have good boundaries, we know what feels good, and what feels bad. We use those feelings to decide to allow one person to get close while keeping another at a distance.
If someone makes us feel uncomfortable, a line that has been crossed and we can do one of two things. We can assert our need for respect or, we can choose to suffer the consequences of not guarding our space.
It is important to create healthy boundaries so that we can live our lives safely. Without them we could easily find ourselves in abusive situations. This includes not only our physical space but the space within which we communicate. Communication is often the most common misinterpreted form of disrespect and it can happen in any situation.
In order to have our boundaries respected, there must be consequences if people violate them. It is critical that we follow through. If we do not, some people will repeatedly violate our space until we put a stop to it. If we want change, we must be willing to pay the price, even if we feel uncomfortable.
In the early stages it is likely to be uncomfortable, though as through practice, stating and enforcing our boundaries will become easier over time. The result is we will feel better and our lives will improve.
Here are 7 benefits of defining our boundaries:
Setting healthy boundaries is essential to create the life we want for ourselves. Boundaries are the barrier that protects us from others taking away our personal power. Over time, having good boundaries will foster better relationships, greater respect and more happiness between ourselves and others. We will become a role model to those around us and others will be able to learn from our example.
Nathan Segal has 20 years of writing experience.
He has written for many publications, including: CE Tips (Consumer Electronics), Smart Computing, Streaming Media World, HTML Goodies, Windows Expert, CIO, The Corel Corporation, and WebReference.
Nathan served as an Associate Editor at WebReference for 5 years, managing and editing the work of several technical writers.
He is also a dedicated spiritual teacher with 40 years of experience. In recent years he began working with people who suffer from self-sabotage and dissociative amnesia. He helps people release limiting beliefs which allows them to live a full and productive life.