Vito Mucci is a shaman with a background in therapeutic psychology. Having survived PTSD/Bipolar 2 Disorder and Addiction, he has written a text book on Consciousness to share the many lessons and tools he gathered while deeply embedded in the struggle to process anxiety and recover joy. He lives happily with the love of his life and his stepchildren in New York State.
Why is making a friend of pain one of the single most important things we do in life? Because the more we open our hearts, he more life can hurt. That is the essence of vulnerability.
If we don't make friends with pain we're not going to be able to open our hearts consistently. We may do it here and there, but when we get to the big-event opportunities? The ones that determine how deep our relationships go and how intimate we can be? We're not going to be able to show up when it really matters, because "when it really matters" and "when it's most difficult" are the same moments.
May seem like we can err on the side of caution sometimes (goodness knows we can't always control how impulsively frightened we may become), protecting ourselves from certain situations with our lovers to keep the peace. But the need for protection ends up transferring as something we don't want it to. The refusal to be a part of the messy process with the people we love, because we're uncomfortable, makes a jarring noise.
The need for safety?
The need for caution?
The need for safe distance?
It translates as rejection to those we love. "I am not willing to fully feel this! You're not worth it!"
If we pull back our genuine expression to keep our risks at a minimum it is like withdrawing into a hiding place. When it's a lover that we shy away from? A friend? A child? Our pulling back can create deep harm and division.
When we look our Primary Relationship, we must know there will be a moment when “protecting ourselves” and “loving them fully/being there for them” will be at odds, and we hope that they will never doubt which I will choose.
If we're protecting ourselves from the possibility of hurting them or from creating conflict, that means we will be capable of lying to them and denying ourselves our needs, as well as denying them an opportunity to fulfill theirs. Whether it's by working out karma or trauma, whether it's exorcising demons or exercising fantasy, we are not giving them an opportunity to realize their full potential as sovereign beings if we are hesitant or unsure about what we're willing to risk.
When it's our children? Are we going to allow ourselves to be present for their daily struggles growing into adults, or become cut off because we cannot control them? If we would rather tell our children that their pain isn;t a big deal because we are unwilling to be present for their pain, we are telling them that the discomfort at their failures is so powerful that we'd rather not even participate in their reality.
We don't just do this by being present to allow the hurt. We do this by savouring the opportunity to feel it. We do this by looking forward to the pain in the same way an honorable knight would look forward to spilling his blood for his king. If we are not looking forward to it? If we have not formed a deep relationship with the presence of risk and pain? There's going to be a situation that we run from.
“You're the one who is supposed to hurt me.” … we should say it to our mates.
“You're the ones who are supposed to frustrate me and make me lose my mind.” … we should say it to our kids.
And I follow it up with “That is my honor in this life and I take it with great joy.” … we should say it to both.
“I came here for all of this, and I welcome every experience that can be offered, and I will do my best to resonate with everything I am given an opportunity to experience.” … We should say this in our minds to Life almost every day. It's better than a mantra, it's a motivational directive to be fully present … to fully embody the human opportunity in this temporary mortal form. It is a "Held Ideal" we can commit to.
We can set the example. We can open fully and look forward to embracing the whole of what life has to offer. We can process the pain and grow strong. We can Validate the Opportunity, Embody the Resonance, Embrace the Connections. This calling for Presence comes from honoring the love we feel for those we share our lives with, and saying "Yes, I am willing to feel everything regardless of how comfortable it is" is not just affirming our commitment to their journey ... it is also affirming our commitment to honoring the desires of our own heart. It makes us parents to ourselves and parents to those we love. That allows us to help parent the world through this evolution of consciousness.