I now clearly see how my addictive behaviors were simply an escape from feelings I was afraid to face. Little did I know that within those feelings (which seemed huge and terrifying) that insights wisdom and freedom lay a small step away; on the other side of facing, and having them. But the oppressive fear and pain of keeping them at bay kept me running helter skelter from having those feelings. The more I ran from those feelings the more lonely and empty I felt, the more I needed to ‘medicate’ myself by escaping my pain with substances, people and things. When you’re in the escaping pain (addictive) mindset anything/one can be an addiction.
Addiction becomes a way to balance our psychic pain through false pleasure (self destructive) balanced with the after effects of remorse and recrimination. Then once your in it, the brain adapts and hard wires the behavior, swinging you into a neural groove, automatic pilot, reflex, to reach for pleasure, only to hit a wall of pain; pleasure/ pain, less pleasure/more pain, eventually climaxing into all pain. It’s a slippery slope and because of the progressiveness of this dis-ease only a higher power, one beyond our current conception of what we can perceive is needed to propel us into a healthy reality.
When I think of how it was! Uggh! just such a tough trap to fall into!
My recovery was fast and spontaneous. When I entered my first 12 step meeting where I experienced a room filled with women and men revealing symptoms just like mine. I saw I wasn’t alone. I also realize now that reaching out to others sharing and proclaiming my experience was my ‘higher power’ experience.
After finding recovery, I had to explore the phenomenon of relapse that line between addiction and recovery, I knew I would never fall back into it but I had to dance on the edge for a while. I realize now why. It was my master plan to learn to fully recognize the telltale signs of recovery and addiction. So as to fully know and understand it with the intention of finding forgiveness and compassion for myself and an action plan with tools so as to never fall back into that vortex of pain.
The funny thing is the pain and fear was all an illusion. What created that illusion was thoughts. Thoughts that were created from impressions, lessons and messages I learned, perceived, and reacted to mostly unconsciously.
That's the tricky part! The unconscious, which works like a computer that is turned on 24/7 collecting data. The conscious mind is so busy listening to messages (thoughts) from the brain it barely notices what the unconscious is picking up. In the end the conscious mind controls only 5% of our behavior thoughts and actions. The rest is from that huge well of unconscious data collection.
Thus we come to the purpose of this message. The power of meditation. Where we learn to still and quiet the mind. Not easy in the beginning, but rewards come quickly once you the alpha state envelops you and the treasures begin to reveal themselves to you. A power opens beyond your current conceptions and capacities, that are obviously failing you. It isn’t by doing anything. We are human beings not human doings as current culture has taught us. By learning to simply be (in meditation) we learn who we really are and tap into the resources of the universe.
Come meditate and find recovery.
Here’s one to practice right now, or tonight, when you get a moment:
Sit up tall either cross-legged or in a chair with your feet flat on the floor. What's important is to keep your spine straight and upright not touching a wall or the back of the chair.
If you can, cover your whole body with a silk or wool cloth which will keep energy calm and prevent disturbances.
Take the tip of the tongue and roll it back creating an emptiness in the mouth.
Close and roll your eyes up toward your brow point.
Just start to follow the breath, deep breath, inhaling and exhaling.
As you inhale mentally chant the word "so".
As you exhale, mentally chant the word "hum"
So Hum means "I am that I am"
Continue to mentally chant the mantra and this will help with the fragmentation of the mind.
You will become more focused, calm and have a deeper access to consciousness.
When you finish your meditation invoke and state your intention, commitment or prayer.
This could be anything like, maintain recovery or find deeper honesty or feel the divine or contribute to others or whatever calls to you to intend and express.
Do this practice for 30 minutes each morning and evening.
"Remember, when we are talking about meditation, we have to realize meditation is something that happens to you so you are simply creating an environment where it can just happen to you." --Anand Mehrortra
Shanti Om xo Deb Caruana firstname.lastname@example.org