When my life started to “fall apart” eight years ago I wouldn’t have guessed I would end up here. Here…a place of acceptance and realization that maybe I’m not supposed to discover my “higher purpose”…that maybe success isn’t defined by money, power or status…that maybe my higher purpose is to just be a bridge from one form of humanity to the next…to hold space, to teach, to support, to guide and to survive. Maybe I’m part of building a bridge that supports others in their journey from one way of being into the next.
Eight years ago a series of events started to unfold despite my attempts to try to stop or control the process. My marriage started to come apart, then after that I lost my business, then my retirement, my savings, my home and even my ambition. I am comfortable in stating that I have the ability to have prevented such an unraveling and I tried to engage that ability. But, my soul had decided otherwise. And, as I’ve come to learn, the soul always has the ultimate say.
So, here I sit, wondering which way to turn, what to do and who to engage with to “improve” my situation. I live dollar to dollar, day to day and trust without a doubt that I will always have the bare essentials. I think the worst thing about my situation is having the “I’m ‘supposed’ to be like this…to have this…to do this…to dream this” thoughts that plague my mind and color the perception of my current reality. The fact is I am exactly where I’m supposed to be at this moment like it or not.
So what now? What do I do? Where do I go from here? How do I define my value in a culture that expects me to acquire and achieve in order to “deserve” that value? Who am I when I know I can’t go back to the “tried and true” but don’t yet have a path to lead me to a new way of being? I have visions of what could be for the future, but I know it’s just not time for those visions to come into being. So what is one to do when in this world of “between”?
The only answer I can come up with is to build a bridge...to be a bridge. In so doing, I’m suspended between what lies behind me and what lies ahead. I’m just building something upon which others can walk and be supported while moving forward on their own journeys. I don’t have to prove myself. I don’t have to acquire things or have the “right” job. I don’t even have to have a goal or dream or even write a best seller. I just have to be of support and to help build systems of support for living during one of the most significant times in the history of our evolution as human beings.
To me, that doesn’t sound half bad.