Courageous Loving, By Rémi Thivierge MSW RCSW RMFT and Jill Miller MA

Are you ready to be in a wonderful relationship?  Whether to improve your current one or looking for a fabulous new one?  One of the great secrets about creating the relationship you truly desire - one that supports your growth, helps you heal, and gives you companionship in service and love - is that it's an inside job.


One of the aspects of this is that we have sub-personalities that don't always cooperate with our highest goal.  Sub-personalities are the parts of us that we don't always have full control over because they're partly unconscious.  They run on old unconscious beliefs that don't always fit our current reality.


Think of the woman who's looking for a relationship, but doesn't trust men at all because her father mistreated her.   She's done lots of healing work on this and thinks her issues are fully resolved.  However, her inner child is still devastated and unhealed by the old trauma.  As a result, she's terrified of getting into a new relationship even though she's consciously yearning to find a mate.


Think of the male who's learned to avoid expressing his feelings because it was not ok for him to express his tender feelings as a child.  His mom believed that he was supposed to always be strong because he was male.  As a result, his inner male never grew up to be able to express his feelings constructively.


Think of the woman who idealizes her husband who died some years ago, and thinks no one will ever be good enough to replace him. She thinks she's healed all that but she's looking down on her husband of three years because he's not her first husband's ghost.  Her inner female is still married to her first husband, though he's been dead for fifteen years.


One of the issues to consider is that we have lifetimes of experience with many of the people we work with, with our friends, and certainly with our spouses, children, and other family members.  Think of people you're similar to - we have a lot in common with many of them because we're very closely connected as souls.   We've been each other's mother, father, spouse, and child - often many times. 


The result of being similar to these people is that we can really relate to each other.  However, there are old karmic debts to pay.  With one person, they'll work wonderfully with us at the beginning.  However, as an example, they can later sabotage our financial success because we created financial difficulties for each other over previous lifetimes. 


We may trust each other a great deal, for example because the other person was our mom a previous lifetime.  And then we experience a difficulty, and the unresolved negative karma between us comes to the surface.  Now our distrust really goes up because of what the other person did to us seventeen lifetimes ago.  Of course, we're not conscious at all of the cause of our feelings, and label it as something else. 


Think of the woman who's jealous.  Her husband cheated on her some lifetimes ago, and she still doesn't trust him as a result.


All of these relationships will work poorly, unless the issues are resolved.  These are old beliefs that are held by our sub-personalities that we may or may not be conscious of.  They're out of date and are driven by old unconscious programs that we're often unaware of.


We have old outmoded beliefs like that regarding the spiritual path as well.  For example, we may believe that getting closer to God / Spirit is dangerous, that we're unworthy, or that God can't be trusted because we died each and every lifetime, among other reasons.  We work really hard to evolve but, because of these unresolved issues, we do it in such a way that we guarantee that we'll fail.


The same applies if we want to manifest - money, a project, etc.  Parts of us prevent us from succeeding because of old unresolved issues from this and previous lifetimes, including vows of poverty, vows to remain celibate, and so on.


Every time we have difficulty with someone or our path is an opportunity to look at ourselves and heal old issues, in our personality, our sub-personalities, such as our inner critic or inner child, and at the soul level in the akashic records, which is the history book of our previous lifetimes.


Of course, the issues discussed here also relate to you and your children.  If the issues aren't resolved, they'll play out in your relationship.  In addition, the kids are more likely to act out and under-perform at school or at work when they're young adults.  As a result, many adults and children get labeled and medicated by professionals who don't understand the fact that we're spiritual beings living on Earth School, and are here to learn to resolve old issues we've been carrying this and many other lifetimes. 


If you're interested in learning more about these issues and want to improve your ability to be in a healthy relationship and have more success in life, please check us out.  Please check our web sites for upcoming workshops, or to make an appointment for a soul reading or healing session regarding your relationship or other issues.


For our upcoming workshops, go to   We provide workshops in person as well as online.

Our writing is aimed toward sensitive souls as well as indigos, who are very intelligent, intuitive, sensitive, and strong-minded.  If you wish to learn if you or your loved one are a sensitive soul or indigo, you can choose to fill out the questionnaire at


Jill Miller MA, splitting her time between Indiana and Vancouver, Canada, is a transformative counselor, guide and healer with 18 years experience. She works worldwide with indigos and sensitive souls, helping them find their soul purpose and the divine blueprint for their lives, helping clear what stands in the way of them giving their gifts to the world, and finding their joy in the process. She also has training and experience in guiding rites of passage (Vision Quests) for youth and adults, energy healing, and coaching through life transitions and emotional and spiritual transformations. For more information, go to or email


Rémi Thivierge MSW RSW RMFT is an intuitive transformational healer with

35 years experience in the helping field.  He is the author of “Profound Healing for Indigo Children &Youth…and Other Sensitive Souls” (2012). He specializes in helping people to resolve difficulties at multiple levels that most helpers are unable to assist with, such as past lifetime vows, historical trauma at the DNA level, etc. He also assists people to go to the next level of their spiritual development.   He is the director of Indigo Soul Work Training Program and Phoenix Vision Society, which assists devastated people in the Third World.  He is an accredited therapist and trainer with the American and Canadian Associations for Marriage and Family Therapy. For more info, go to or contact Rémi at in Vancouver, Canada.

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