Published August 2015 E Edition Relationships page 66
1004 Words/ 58 word Bio
Submitted to Personal Growth/Just Life
by Gia Dalton
Has dating become even more complicated due to texting? Are you feeling discouraged? With a little help, you can bring dating back to a texting world!
Lets start at the beginning. What attracts people to each other? Is it sex appeal? Self confidence? Taste in music? Profession?
As visual creatures chemistry is important. You want that initial spark of interest. Like’s and dislikes at this point, don’t really matter. Its important for you to know what you like. If you compromise personal likes, in an effort to persuade a person to like you, ultimately they will sense it. Someone is going to like you, because you like you. Having self confidence is sexy. Let's say you’re past this part. You’re interested and want to date. How does this happen?
You exchange numbers. It's Wednesday, he/she calls, asks you to dinner on Saturday night at 8:00. You’re excited, and look forward to dressing up. Yes, you need to dress nice, even if it is a date for coffee. Don't meet up straight from the gym, wearing sweats. You want to make a good first impression.
It's Saturday night. Your date arrives on time, and looks great. Excitedly, you rush to the door, open it, smile and the date begins. It could end up being just one date, or perhaps the first of many. But it is a date. Never in your wildest dreams did you desire a "Hey Baby, want to hang out later?" text. “Hang out?” What does that mean? Is this a date? Hang out where?
Society has increasingly become more connected to technology than to people. A new generation has emerged where a text message is often the way people get to know each other. Communicating face to face, is being replaced with texting. It is rapidly redefining relationships, and the way people have them.
While texting is a quick and easy form of communicating, it isn’t very personal. You can’t feel, hear, or touch a text. No one knows if you are nervous when texting. You can’t read, body language, or facial expression. In addition, people aren’t sure what to call what they are doing. Dating has been replaced with "We have been texting” Shouldn’t dating and texting be two separate entities?
Texting has become, an acceptable, but uncomfortable form of "dating”. Adults are feeling like teenagers, anxiously wondering, and waiting for the next text to arrive, checking their cell phone’s constantly.
In reality, most text’s are open ended, with no mention of a actual "date”. There is too much room for interpretation and assumption in a text. If you want an actual date you may have to be bold enough to say ” If you call, and ask me out in the next five minutes I will say yes! " Done ! There is a greater chance of making a “real connection” and perhaps a long lasting relationship on a date, instead of texting for weeks, only to discover there is no chemistry.
Be truthful about what you want. If you aren’t interested in a relationship say so. If you’d like to fall in love, and live happily ever after, put it out there. Words expressed verbally initiate an intimate conversation. Texting can be a lazy attempt to get to know someone, but it's not personal, and often times does not reflect honestly, what you or the other person truly desires.
Dating offers richness in the experience. Whether or not it works out, isn’t the point. It’s about making discoveries, and real connections. Smiling, holding hands, observing how someone moves, walks, talks, interacts with other’s, communicating face to face.
Instead of asking and answering questions, requesting selfies, and sometimes, over stepping boundaries in text messages, go on a date. This will eliminate weeks of “small text”, like "small talk”.
It doesn't have to be a dinner date, it can be lunch, kayaking or a coffee date. But it is a date. It’s planned in advance for a specific day and time, and it is not "hanging out”. Hanging out often implies a more spontaneous interaction, with no set plans. It’s unofficial. While this can be fun later on, lets get you on a few dates’ first.
If you don’t want to get stuck in the “hanging out” category, and you’d like to date the traditional way, you can make a few adjustments to facilitate that.
Perhaps dating is old fashioned, however many people, just like you, would love to date. Here are five tips to help bring back dating to a texting world.
1. Establish texting boundaries. Ask for a call instead of a text. Decide how much texting you are comfortable with, if any at all. Stick to the boundaries you’ve established. Avoid the temptation to text everyday. There is plenty of time to get to know each other on the date.
2. Call or have a face to face conversation about what you want. Share your deal breakers. This will avoid confusion.
3. Take dating seriously. Prepare for it. Know where you are going. Make reservations. Be prompt. Dress nice. Keep it light. Conversation should be easy. Each date is a gradual unfolding. Don’t tell your entire life story on the first date. Avoid talking excessively about previous relationships. Be polite and put your phone away. Your date will appreciate your undivided attention.
4. If you are on the conservative side, it’s best to steer clear of “sexting”. Sexually explicit text messages, can create a false sense of intimacy. In addition your “sexts”, could accidentally be sent to someone else. Remember, 2 am booty calls, “Lets hang out” or “hook up”, are not dates. Be unwilling to compromise, if you are looking for a more traditional date.
5. Believe in yourself. The person you are seeking is also seeking you. Don't get discouraged. Get your game on, or groove back and go for it. Ask for what you want. It’s just a date.The good news is, if you have a great time you can do it again!
Gia Dalton is a Visionary Writer, Author, Speaker, Coach, Teacher, and Intuitive Life Strategist. She is currently writing a book, and operates a private concierge holistic practice.
“My mission is to motivate, empower and inspire the lives of others with integrity, beauty and love.”