There are times when parents die unexpectedly. There is no time to prepare for their passing. It simply happens. It is immediate, sudden, and leaves in its wake the feeling of shock.
The numbness permeates every aspect of life, affecting relationships, work, and an individuals ability to cope with everyday life. There is no way to bury these feelings deep inside, because they ooze out from under the illusion placed over the emotion.
The days after the sudden death blend into a whirl of colors, sounds, and events. For about a week, everything is moving towards the funeral or wake, cleaning, arranging necessary items, contacting people. It is easy to place feelings aside for this short period of time. . .then what?
By the second or third week, it becomes more real. The issues of wills, money, family all start to challenge the most balanced and healthy person. True feeling start to show, often coming to the surface and used against another person. Unless the feelings are dealt with, the sub-conscious mind brings them out in subtle ways.
It is at this time it becomes important to take care of self. Here are some ways to care for one's self, while going through these times of rapid and sudden change.
1. Remember there are 24 hours in a day, or 1,440 minutes. There is plenty of time to take 30 minutes to just be. That means, take the time to be alone and think, exercise, or take a bath.
2. It's not the best time to start new, large projects. It is important to heal from the emotional stress of the death (s), and re-connect with the self.
3. Wills are about things not people. It is important to remember that it is people who are more important, and everyone is suffering from their individual emotions from the sudden loss.
4. Grief is a process. It can be hard work to resolve the emotions tied in with the death. If there were unresolved issues, it makes the transitions more difficult for the living and/or the spirit of the person who passed. It is good to meditate, and be aware of the under-current of emotions during this time.
5. Writing in a journal is an excellent way of tapping into emotions and thoughts through-out the healing process. It is a safe way to express thoughts, emotions, and feelings both within and felt towards the individual who died.
6. Remember to Breathe. It helps one stay calm, and keep issues in perspective.
7. It is okay to seek a councilor to help with the grief process. They are trained to help people through emotionally difficult times, and often it is nice to speak about emotions with a neutral person.
8. Remember to hold onto the lesson sudden death teaches. It is good to stay connected with life, and share one's self with friends and family. Life is not guaranteed to happen beyond this moment.