I understand all to well feeling 'scared' to feel 'alive' in my own body. As I have said it is the last thing an addict wants to do. Its why we use to escape. Especially in the beginnning it can seem unbareable and overwhelming. The emotions are all dammed up wanting to be released and most of them are unpleasant sensations to feel. I remember when I quit using I felt nothing void of life itself. I asked a therapist at the time, "I dont feel anything when will I feel something?" She replied, "you don't have to worry about getting in touch with your feelings they will get in touch with you." Boy was she right!
I am glad you feel comfortable expressing what is 'alive in you' with me and this group. You are wanting a new experience, so congratulate yourself for having this awareness. In CMR when I work with someone who has not been in their body in a while. The process is gentle just bringing awareness to the body; noticing numbness, nauseau, feeling the scared feeling of even going into the body; notcing the 'difficultness.' You do not have to go anywhere if you do want. It is your experience with CMR. Exploring beliefs is always a good way start. You can ask yourself, where yo u learned not to allow your needs to get met? How old were you? What kind of decisions did you make about that? Is it working for you today to hold onto this belief? I know many modalities focus on the breath and this is nice way to bring presence into the body; noticing is your breathing heavy, hard, light, etc... Do you fill your belly with your breath or is short and fast? Learning to be with ourselves is the greatest gift we can give ourselves. Loving what is, allowing our lives to be exactly as they are now knowing you are the same energy as the Vast Intelligence that created is you and nothing needs to be fixed. We do not need fixing we just need to remember who we really are.