Abstract......Forgiveness is a word packed with many things. But what is the science, thought process behind forgiving? Forgiveness is making a conscious decision to accept what happened as it happened, rather than the could haves and should haves. We step into our present moment, rather than anchoring it in all those yesterdays. Forgiveness is the cornerstone of all relationships in our lives. Our failure to understand others perceptions can further anger, animosity and further the emotional disconnection. But as we choose to forgive, these gaps are bridged and the walls once built, crumble to the ashes. And from there rises the world of new possibilities.
Harboring the toxic emotions inside our body could be damaging our health and also ruin our lives. So, we need to focus to discharge them promptly. The sins that are committed against us exert the hardest blow, but also the sinful reactions that have happened to us—seem to build up toxins inside. Unresolved anger turns to depression, bitterness and hatred, all of which constantly churn inside, as we house those negative feelings inside. We find healing through the process of forgiveness—in receiving and extending forgiveness. So, sins do not ruin our lives.
As we refuse to forgive others, it holds others in a debt they owe us.
Forgiving may feel like an act of surrender but in reality, forgiving is act that requires tremendous strength. Fear of losing any chances of having a healthier relationship—Many of us have very high expectations when it comes to friends and family. Their character flaws and foolish mistake devastate us. But in such cases, we need to forgive them for who they are with acceptance they probably may never change. And we may never have a healthier relationship with them. We need to acknowledge and accept that while forgiving them whole -heartedly. Additionally, there comes the fear of losing supremacy—Holding an offense against another person places us in a picture of “good” or ”bad” and a winning in such a placement becomes an important battle to us. We like to win with an attitude of pride. The other things which stand in the way of forgiveness are misconceptions—Forgiving is never condoning the behavior—The act of forgiving does not compromise our own moral standard by excusing the offense, as the consequences of their offenses are in the hands of God, not in ours. Forgiving is not forgetting either—the raw emotions fade away with time, but the memory stays with us. Forgiveness does not mean restoring trust in the offender. Because, trust is something that is earned. And we give it to those who are worthy of it. Forgiveness does not mean we are willing to reconcile. And in situations, when the offender is unwilling, unchanging and unrepentant—in that case reconciliation may not be a wise choice but even then, forgiveness needs to be extended, so we can have an emotional well-being. Forgiveness is not doing a favor—it is extended whether the offender is repentant or not, whether he/she is asking for it or not. Forgiving is never an easy thing to do—When a one- time transgression is difficult enough to be forgiven, in that case, repeated transgressions make it an impossibility, as the wrong-doing becomes ongoing. In that case, we need to develop an “attitude” of forgiveness. That should not be confused with an “act” of forgiveness. An attitude and not an act—needs to be the way out in that case. In case, we fail to develop that attitude, we can seek the divine for his light that can strengthen us in the dire circumstances. Forgiveness does not mean we excuse the offender or minimize their sins any way. Rather it means, that we cancel their debt they so rightfully owe us. Many people struggle and become stuck, as they deserve an apology or a fair justice or some restitution for the offenses done towards them, and it feels so unfair. So, some find it hard to cancel the debt. Yet forgiveness releases the unreleased burden and brings in a breath of fresh air. But forgiveness is not reconciliation. A reconciliation and restoration can come in a relationship, only when there is forgiveness from the victim’s side and repentance from the sinner’s side. But sometimes we never get to see the slightest repentance in the wrong-doer. In that case, reconciliation does not happen even though the sinner might be forgiven so as to release the hurtful emotions .
Forgiveness unlocks the freedom. We finally feel free from the anger that was built inside. And that is a great miracle of power. As we forgive the sinner to the point it actually cleanses us of any resentment and bitterness, and we pray for them. As unforgiving people are emotionally sick people. Their anger, the bitterness becomes a disease of the spirit. And if it continues that way, then the unforgiving people will eventually experience physical illness as well. A wave of anger causes great surges of adrenaline and so secretes the chemicals that powerfully attack the body. The in-built stress that we carry around when we hold back from giving or receiving stress affects the body and mind. Rage and depression then turn to become obsessive behaviors and addiction. Unless we show willingness to forgive, we cannot rid ourselves of the gripping emotional pain.
Forgiveness is ultimately for our betterment. Holding on to them led to our impairment. And the sooner we realize that, the faster are we restored to our emotional health and peace. What matters ultimately is how gracefully we let go of what gripped us in pain and agony and how well we lived from the center of our beings in alignment with our spirit. Such a restoration brings us back to the point where we left. We left the center of balance inside, and we eventually come back through the process of forgiving. We become aware of the thousand wonders of life again, and that by itself, is a wonderment.
Author....Jayita Bhattacharjee....born in Calcutta, India and later on education from University of Houston in Economics, she had chosen her career as a trustee and teacher. Her Indian residence is in the vicinity of the famous Belurmath. Currently, she is settled in Tampa, Florida.
Her books " The Ecstatic Dance of Soul",
" Sacred Sanctuary", " Dewdrops of Compassion" "Light of Consciousness" are among the many that she has authored.