Full Moon in Taurus: digging out the muckiest of the muck

The good news and the bad news are exactly the same: if it's happening in your life it's about you. Sorry. I know that is real crap sometimes, but painfully true.
This Full Moon in Taurus (which I am already feeling to the nth) with the Sun in Scorpio conjunct Saturn means nothing but fun there as you sort through buried feelings, emotions, thought forms, patterned behaviors and responses- all rising to the surface of your awareness to sort through and decide which will remain and which will get tossed into oblivion never to sully your tender shores again.

For me it's about communication (South Node in Gemini) and my persistent pattern of trying to express my needs for communication and connection to those who don't want to hear about them, being chastised for having those needs, being told that I am selfish (which I'm sure I am), being told that LOVE will be taken away from me for having needs and expressing them, leaving me feeling wretchedly horrible. I think my needs are rather simple,  which perhaps they are if I am not trying to get those needs met by those who can't or don't want to, or whose buttons get pushed by having needs expressed to them.  Now if that isn't THE dysfunctional pattern from my childhood I don't know what else is. Following me? It's a twisted, maze-like path when you venture down the path of embedded, ingrained pattens. Good luck with yours!

I could do what I usually do and submit to the chastiser, claim my needs as unfillable, and continue to feel horrible about myself for having needs at all, coupled with the audacity to express them, in the perfectly imperfect way that I do.

Ah, but this Full Moon, this one in particular, combined with the deep healing process I am in leading up to my own Saturn return, has me evaluating the situation a little differently. The Sun in Scorpio brings you to the depths of your emotional needs, your deepest fears and insecurities. The Full Moon in Taurus illuminates your core values, showing you what is deeply and viscerally important to you. Combine those two dynamics and you have quite the process.

Though I am brought to wracking sobs, feeling like I was taken to the mat and a large saber run through my heart, I know enough to know that if this is happening in my life it is about me. And because Saturn in Scorpio demands that all buried crap be brought up, scrutinized, and all that is no longer appropriate be discarded, I must look at my own part in all of this and stop the madness as best as I can. And I am doing just that.

Do I stop having needs? Of course not! It's taken me a lifetime to admit to actually having needs. Having needs is normal and human. The adjustment I need to make is to look realistically at how I am asking to have my needs met and from whom. I see that I continue to ask from someone or someones who do not wish to be in that type of relationship with me (The old unavailable Daddy scenario typical of a Capricorn rising like myself). I then can adjust to being in a healthier level of relationship with those persons, if I choose to (which I do), aware of what also works for them AND seek out relationships with those who are willing and able to satisfy my needs (and of course I am talking about needs that realistically can only come from another person- like conversation and emotional connection and caring) - the underlying theme being that I don't have to continue to set myself up for wanting something I cannot have, opening myself up to having what I need in healthier, more appropriate ways.
Sounds good. VERY hard to do. Excrutiatingly hard. Why so hard, so painful? Because these patterns have been ingrained, working for many, many unsatisfactory years. And the more stuck the pattern, the more painful seems to be the release.

Saturn always dishes up your hardest lessons.
But don't shy away from them because once you learn what you need to learn, painful as the realization is bound to be, you get to graduate, to evolve, and to leave that old story behind you once and for all. What a welcome relief THAT will be!

An owl came to me in my garden the other night as I was walking from my car to the

Owl
Pygmy Owl

house. He flew onto a chair just a few feet from me. We made eye contact for about 30 seconds and then, on wings of velvet, he took off in total silence. Because I know what I know when I know it, I sensed that something important would be dying. Such is the nature of Saturn in Scorpio. Letting what needs to die, die, is the challenge and the gift of Scorpio. Out of the ashes of death is born something else anew. From the ashes you will build another day. And so shall I. A better day, a more emotionally healthy day.

Good stones for the Full Moon are Botswana agate to soothe the Scorpio energy and petrified wood to ground the Taurus values (you get to decide what those are).
Add a dose of rose quartz to soften and soothe the heart as you burn the old and call upon the new.

Botswana Agate for Soothing Scorpio intensity

Botswana agate

Petrified WPterified woodood for Taurus grounding

Rose Quartz
Rose Quartz to soothe your heart as changes are upon us

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