Getting Off the Relationship Merry-Go-Round

Getting Off the Relationship Merry-Go-Round

What are the relationship themes you’ve had since childhood?  Odds are you aren’t happy with at least one of them. Odds are throughout your life you have received a pattern of treatment that you don’t consciously like. 

Maybe you’re the one the bully always finds and targets. Maybe you’re the one who’s left behind or ignored, or the one who does most of the work while other people get the credit. Maybe you’re the one who takes the fall for other people’s screw-ups. Maybe every guy you date proves to be a philanderer, or a drunk, or irresponsible with money. Maybe every woman you get involved with turns out to be psycho.

When the same type of person shows up in your life again and again again, you can feel like you’re on a merry-go-round, and not a happy and enjoyable one at that. No matter where you go or how many new situations you try, no matter if you change horses or go from a horse to a seat, or even if you try to step off, you always end up back on that merry-go-round, going in circles, stuck with the same kinds of people. Only the names and faces change, and sometimes even those aren’t all that different. 

When you find yourself thinking, “Oh, no, not again!” it’s easy to fixate on the other person, see him or her as the cause of your problem, and, yes, blame that person for what you’re going through. 

Who is, of course, not the source. When the same type of person shows up in your life again and again again, that person is not the cause of Something inside you is.

Do not take this statement as blaming you. Blame has no place in the equation. Instead, recognize that you are carrying energy that attracts and even invites these behaviors into your life. Until you address that energy, the same dramas will keep coming into your life. 

You’re in an energy lock, and getting the pattern out of the way is a foundation step to going on to bigger and better things. The process isn’t quick or simple, but you can work on it and gradually free yourself. 

So what can you do? Therapy is one option, of course. Short of that -- or in addition to that -- spend time with these techniques.

Talk to earlier versions of yourself

Think back to a time in childhood when you experienced the situation that has you locked. See yourself before a defining event and have a conversation with the earlier you (which we’ll call Young You).  You can do this with your eyes shut, or you may prefer to write out questions and see what answers come up. 

Explore why Young You chose the coping mechanisms it did. Focus less  on the negative than on what you want to do about the pattern. Ultimately you want to reassure Young You that s/he is safe now, because you are taking care of him/her. 

Help the earlier versions of yourself retrieve their energy

When you have identified a significant memory, you can also guide Young You through pulling his/her energy out of the drama you experienced then.  Talk to Young You before the defining moment and say what is about to happen and that you are standing by. Revisit the experience, then imagine a horseshoe magnet in front of Young You and pointing at the event. Instruct the magnet to pull your energy out of the situation and return it to Young You. You can also use a magnet to pull your energy out of each person in the situation and return it to Young You, and use magnets to pull other people’s energy out of Young You and return it to them. 

Do this for as many memories as you can recall. You may be astonished by the energy you reclaim. 

Ask: "Show me another way to look at this."

Make the request out loud and let it go. See what insight or new perspective bubbles up in a few hours or over the next couple of days. 

Actively strive to drop the blame towards others

Other people are merely triggers, and you will not break free of your energy lock if you persist in blaming. 

One way to drop blame is by repeating a mantra that may stick in your craw, but say it even if you don't mean it:  "I wish you all the love and happiness I wish for myself."  This statement breaks the cycle of meeting negativity with negativity. 

Another useful step is to ask, for each person you experience as mistreating you, what benefit that person serves for you. Does the treatment or behavior get you off the hook in some way? Allow you to be the nice guy? The victim? The martyr? 

Then ask to be shown what their treatment of you says about you -- and what you allow for yourself. 

The common thread in all of these techniques is reframing your focus to take it off other people and into yourself. That’s the secret to not just getting off the merry-go-round, but shutting it down. 

Kathy Biehl is an astrologer, Tarot master and Best American Psychics member who helps individuals and businesses understand (and laugh about!) themselves, their options and the people in their lives. 

Learn more about her services, and her techniques for energy monitoring and clearing, at 

 © Kathy Biehl 2013. All Rights Reserved

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