Weight gain and loss has always been a challenge for me, especially as I have gotten older. I remember when I used to be able to eat salad at night and lose weight every day. Not anymore. Last year I started to notice my fasting blood sugar was up, I thought it was a fluke. I basically ignored it. 
 
I have had a high emotional/physical stressful life, fear and panic, especially when I was younger. As I have gotten older and learned how to navigate better I don't have the swings that I used to but years and years of stress have taken their toll on me. Disaster work is also a stress on every level. It is all how we process and I was not taught as a child how to deal with any kind of stress very well. I have had to parent myself to learn how to navigate life differently. This has all made a perfect storm for weight and protection.
 
Your family does the best it can with the knowledge and awareness they have at the time. It is up to you to change what is not working for you anymore.
 
At the beginning of the year, I cut out all sugar pretty much. No carbs that were not good carbs and by good I mean only vegetables. Good carbs were making me gain. I tried Paleo, teas, shakes and none of it made a dent and caused me to gain weight. It seemed like everything I ate caused me to gain and now my A1C was 6.0
I tried to exercise and do the body builder diet. 8 months later, I felt better but hadn't lost a freaking pound and it's not like I don't work on myself with emotions, mental and spiritual, I do it every day. It's been very frustrating.
 
I am not a mediator or an avid exerciser. I try to do those things because I know they are really good for me but it is a self effort and a discipline for me. I have to force myself.
 
This a great article about insulin resistance by Dr. Christiane Northrup, who I have read for years. She is a way shower. I appreciate all her work and trials to give women an opportunity to do things differently. These people get ridiculed a lot. When you choose to go and do things against the norm, you get tons of crap. People make fun of you, they think you are crazy, talk about you behind your back and question everything you do. You just have to keep going and she has. I understand and really, really appreciate it. This has been me, my entire life. 

In January I decided to give it another go. I don't want to have diabetes, heart disease, etc. I, honestly, just want to walk out of my body when I am done..lol..I don't want to be sick, ill or have a drama trauma to take me out. While I am here I want to live the best life I can and be the best person I can be. I work my ass off at this. It is not an easy path. Easy paths are much more, well, EASY...that is not who I am.
Now it is March and even if it is coming off really slow. I have lost 14 pounds and reduced my A1C to 5.5. I am really tired of worrying about my weight. I mean seriously, on my tombstone it will say, " She's tried REALLY hard to lose weight her entire life." Enough. IS. Enough.
I will keep doing everything I know how to do, to be the best I can on every level. Ask for help and support. I will love me. Cherish me. Tell myself I am beautiful. Treat my body good. Open my heart. Change my mind and LIVE.
I hope you will do the same....xoxo
Photo of Dr. Northrup from her Facebook page

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