I’ve always considered myself a spiritual person. It’s easy to be spiritual and trust in the divine flow of life when life is going well. The true test of your faith and awareness lies in the times of pressure and crisis.
When I met Jay, I felt electricity run through me. I had that knowing that I’ve heard many talk about that he was the one, he was “my person”. To me, Jay is the most incredible man that has walked this earth, he is thoughtful, honourable, always funny, and every day he teaches me what love and being part of a team really is. I love him beyond words.
When Jay told me he had been diagnosed with Leukemia, time stopped for me. Emotions flooded me, I felt grief, fear and anger. So many thoughts all at once. Processing this diagnosis was a journey. It was a journey that led me back to my true self. You see, this human experience we are all in IS heaven’s gate. Earth school is full of divine assignments and some of them are painful. However, it’s this pain that pushes us to have an intention, a life vision, a possibility… it activates our potential.
Here’s how my journey to myself unfolded and what I’ve discovered along the way…
In tough situations we tend to ask disempowering questions? “Why him”? “Why now”? We are in victim consciousness. 12 step groups teach that what we are most addicted to is FEAR. There is a compulsive lure to fear. I witnessed my thoughts and knew that the energy I was projecting would only disconnect me further away from my desired outcome, which was Jay’s health vibrantly restored. With conviction, I illuminated my thoughts. I meditated, I prayed, I asked Source to make me a pure channel for a shift in consciousness. I began asking empowering questions. “Who am I”? “What is my gift to share”?
The only way to overcome circumstances is to go within. Our power is waiting to appear in us. Rise up. I knew it was time that I showed up and allowed myself to be available for a shift. I was open to seeing this experience another way. When we are able to surrender our need to control what is uncontrollable we are able to step into our greatness. Resistance blocks the blessing. What will be will be. I continued asking empowering questions, “what if Source really is on my side”?
Spirit IS unconditional Love. Source has never made a mistake. People and the interactions we share with them are love notes from the Universe because it is who and what we need to experience to bring us into total alignment with our purpose on Earth. We are always on a journey of unfolding into our highest selves. Crisis is a call to evolve.
One of the most important questions I asked was “what qualities within myself need to emerge for me to have peace of mind”? I realised then no matter what the outcome (because that’s out of my control anyways), I knew I wanted to know that I was the most loving version of myself possible. I wanted to support Jay the best I could!
You can not pour from an empty cup. I could not give what I did not have. I knew I must Love myself fully so that I wasn’t pulling on others to love me. I began to fill my mind, body and soul with light daily. I made meditation, yoga, clean eating, creating, and fitness a priority. I committed to spending time every day in connection and reflection. By CHOOSING these practices I was able to expand my awareness. Pain can very easily turn into reactive behaviours with when have limited awareness, I realised the importance of practicing mindfulness and surrendering EVERYTHING to Source. To return to ourselves, we must turn away from fear. Peace is found within this shift. What we don’t surrender, we resist. What we resist, will always persist.
We are vibrational beings. Our energy must be lifted into alignment with what we want not anchored to doubt or fears. Manifesting our desired intentions includes talking more about the possibilities than the problem, putting more energy into healthy visions than fear and full awareness of where you are focusing your energy. Potential is always bigger than the problem. Embrace possibility.
I have changed, I am different than I was before Jay’s diagnosis. I’ve found strength that I had no idea was in me. I don’t know what the future holds. I can be sure that life is always going to present challenges in one form or another because it’s those times that our potential is activated. I’m going to remain open, connected and one with Spirit. I choose to be the channel that Source flows through. I choose to be available for giving, beauty, creating and for Love.