How To Deal With Uncertainty And Insecurity In A Relationship

Introduction: This purpose of this article is to show couples how to deal with uncertainties and insecurities in their romantic relationship.

Methods: This piece considers research studies that talk about how insecurities can trigger problems in an otherwise healthy relationship. Further cited research shows couples how to build trust and the important role that oxytocin plays in increasing trust between partners. Communication, comparisons to past relationships, and changing one's perspective are also touched on in this article.


Relationship uncertainty is an unpleasant feeling to have when trying to pursue something serious with a partner.

If an individual is feeling uncertain or insecure about their partner, it could mean they don't fully trust their spouse. It may also be a sign that they are feeling anxious about where the relationship is going. Or it could mean nothing at all.

Insecurity can spring from past relationships or from seemingly nowhere at all. Even if a person believes they’ve found the person they want to spend the rest of their life with, insecurities can trigger doubt and create problems in a once healthy relationship

Entering a new relationship should be an exciting, happy time in a person's life. But for those who have had bad romantic experiences in the past, starting over can be a stressful experience.

How Uncertainty Ruins Healthy Relationships

When an individual is experiencing uncertainty or insecurity in their relationship it can quickly create disharmony between partners.

To begin with, not knowing where the relationship is going creates a lack of accountability between spouses. Can they trust that their partner is being faithful? If one were to lose their job, could they rely on their spouse to help carry the load?

Without knowing how each partner feels about the other it will be impossible to move forward with a serious relationship.

Having toxic thoughts about oneself and their relationship may also lower self-esteem. One partner may begin to blame themselves for any problems or doubts they’re having regarding their relationship. This can create a downward spiral of depression.

Here are 7 ways to uncertainty and insecurity from ruining a good thing.

  1. Couples Must Communicate

Communication is the key to feeling comfortable in a relationship.

If something from one’s past is bothering them or bringing up old insecurities, this person should speak openly with their spouse about it. They won’t be able to move forward with a healthy, happy partnership unless they share what is truly bothering them.

  1. Talk About Relationship Goals

Partner's who are feeling uncertain about the future of their once healthy relationship should sit down and have an in-depth talk about where things are going. This conversation need not be scary or nerve-wracking.

Couples should ask each other how they feel about the relationship. Do they have long-term goals of marriage or starting a family? How serious are they about being monogamous? Are they comfortable if either person in the relationship is still in communication with a past love? These are important questions to ask.

One can either sit around worrying about the relationship or they can do something about how they're feeling. By talking it out, couples will be able to comfort one another and get a clear understanding of where the relationship is going.

  1. Stop Comparing

The best relationship advice for doing away with insecurity in relationships is to stop comparing.

A comparison is the thief of joy. A jealous or insecure partner can drive themselves crazy thinking about their current partner’s past relationships. Such thoughts can cause stress and anxiety to build and can lower self-esteem.

If one compares their current partner to their ex or compares themselves to their spouse’s last relationship, they'll soon become miserable. Partners should enjoy each other for who they are, not who they wish they would be.

  1. Work on Building Trust

Trust is essential for a healthy relationship. Partners who trust one another experience less stress and anxiety in their lives because they don't have to worry about how they feel for one another.

Couples can work on building trust is by enhancing their physical intimacy. Studies show that oxytocin increases trust between partners. This bonding agent is released during skin to skin contact with a loved one and is highly beneficial for a marriage.

  1. Narrowing Down the Problem

If one spouse is feeling uncertain about their relationship, doubt and fear can make it difficult to ask the important questions that could resolve the issue. In order to build a healthy relationship, partners must each do some personal reflection and find out what is truly bothering them.

Here are just some of the reasons why individuals grow uncertain about their romantic relationships:

  • One partner wants to start a family but isn't sure how serious their significant other is about marriage and settling down
  • Past romantic experiences are triggering a negative outlook on a current relationship
  • One partner does not treat the other well
  • Anxiety blooms when one spouse realized they are not in love with their partner anymore
  • There is no trust in the relationship
  1. Embrace Independence

If some is focusing so intensely on their relationship that they’re making themselves feel insecure or anxious, a shift in focus becomes necessary. The best relationship advice for embracing independence is to maintaining hobbies and friendships away from one’s spouse. Doing so will help foster healthy independence.

When individuals take time to focus on their own hobbies and interests away from their spouse, it transforms them into a more well-rounded person. This independence is an attractive quality that will be good for both their relationship and mental health.

  1. A Change in Attitude

Who doesn't enjoy hearing how special, attractive, and worthy they are? Reassurance is lovely to hear but relying on constant reassurance from a spouse in order to feel comfortable in that relationship can be exhausting for both parties.

Changing one’s attitude can go a long way toward developing a healthy relationship. Whenever When moments of insecurities arise, many find it helpful to make a list of their positive qualities. This paper will serve as a reminder that they are worthy of love and admiration from a partner.

The best relationship advice to avoid uncertainty and insecurity in a relationship is for couples to learn to enjoy each other. They should also strive to keep honest lines of communication open. Doing so will keep both partners on the same page about the relationship.


This article seeks to answer the question: how can one take control of insecurities that can ruin a relationship and resume a happy, healthy partnership with their spouse?

Author bio: Sylvia Smith is a relationship expert with years of experience in training and helping couples. She has helped countless individuals and organizations around the world, offering effective and efficient solutions for healthy and successful relationships. Her mission is to provide inspiration, support and empowerment to everyone on their journey to a great marriage.

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Comment by Omtimes Media on January 8, 2019 at 3:18pm

Hi Sylvia, this will be published in March B edition, but in the future keep in mind that Omtimes is not a link farm for your website, all the links have been removed.  This is not  Seo paradise for giving links to other places, except for your personal website. Consider this to be your first and only warning.

Comment by Leigh Burton on September 7, 2018 at 7:36am

Hi Sylvia.  We work months in advance.  I will see if I can find out for you.

Comment by Syliva Smith on September 6, 2018 at 1:45am

@Leigh Burton hope you're doing well!

Just wanted to followup when the article would get published on your magazine.

Comment by Leigh Burton on August 29, 2018 at 5:44am

Hey there you.  FANTASTIC!  Thank you.  I will take care of sending it to the chief editor today.  If you want to add a link to your website or social media please do so as soon as you can.

Have a perfect day!

Comment by Syliva Smith on August 29, 2018 at 4:57am

@Leigh Burton I have edited the article as per your suggestion.

Please review and let me know if you need any further changes.


Sylvia Smith

Comment by Leigh Burton on August 22, 2018 at 7:10am

Good morning.  Thank you.  I do love what you are proposing.  There is still a lot of "you", "your" etc, which is second person.  Let me know if you want some help, I am happy to set a time to chat with you about it. :)

Comment by Syliva Smith on August 22, 2018 at 2:33am

@Leigh Burton hope you're doing well.

Did you manage some time to review the edited version yet?

Looking forward to your feedback on my post :)


Sylvia Smith

Comment by Syliva Smith on August 10, 2018 at 2:27am


Comment by Leigh Burton on August 9, 2018 at 7:54am

Fantastic write!  Here is some advice to consider for having your work published in the magazine.  

1.  Write in the third person.

2. Start your piece with an abstract and word count

3. Add a bio at the end, about 60 words with a link to your website.

I look forward to reading more from you :)

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