Emotional Pain can be devastating. Emotional pain often occurs after a tragic incident, a painful break up after a long term relationship, a death or divorce. Emotional pain can be crippling and debilitating. Emotional pain can effect your mood, your performance, your professional life, your relationships, and it can occupy your mind and cause you to lose interest in almost everything except your emotional pain. Emotional pain can also cause you to fall into depression and cause you to consider yourself worthless or useless. It can even make you feel as if you have no reason to live or induce destructive behavior like alcohol or drug abuse, none of which are the proper way to heal or improve your condition. Professional counseling or psychotherapy are popular ways to overcome emotional pain and are usually effective and recommended by most. I believe another way to overcome heartache pain can be enhanced by meditating, connecting to the source, and by making a change to your lifestyle and by shifting your perception.
My heartbreak pain was devastating. I never expected a request for divorce, especially not after successfully navigating the various stages of marriage for twenty years and after raising three children, who reached the ages of 20, 19 and 14 by the time my ex-wife insisted on divorce. What made my pain worse at the time of the request for divorce was the fact, I had lost my sister to breast cancer a several years prior and then my father died and my mother went into extreme Alzheimer’s, disease and passed away a month before my ex-wife requested the divorce. On top of that, my ex-wife and I recently purchased a rare, estate home, a true dream home which had breathtaking views of the rolling, majestic hills of Burger Hill Park in Rhinebeck, New York, our home town. The views from every window were similar to views you would find in Tuscany Italy and I just renovated the entire home to make it spectacular, our dream home. I envisioned continuing raising our family for years to come. I had hoped to spend every Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving and holiday in our new palace and I hoped to enjoy the Olympic Style swimming pool and watch our grandchildren play on the property in the future.
My dream was shattered almost instantly being, I could not convince my ex wife to attend marriage therapy and somehow, out of my generosity, I allowed my ex-wife to remain in the marital house being I volunteered to relocate in an attempt not to displace her. In the end, I somehow lost almost everything I owned being I placed almost all our assets in my ex wife’s name over the years. Therefore, I had to deal with tremendous loss, loss of my immediate family, meaning my sister and parents, loss of my own family, my wife and children in the marital home and loss of my financial assets and peace of mind and financial security. In my mind, I no longer had a sister, mother or father to turn to and I no longer had the beautiful new home I just finished remodeling and I no longer had the family unit of my three children and my wife to come home to. On top of that, my assets were dwindling away. Everything I worked a lifetime to earn, build, create, invest and save was being deteriorated by falling prices, blood in the water and mismanagement being I was no longer in control of the family’s finances, which I had been throughout the marriage. In a way, I felt my life was over and I had nothing to live for any longer. My loss was consuming me and it was the most horrific pain I ever endured. Worse than my sister dying in my arms of cancer, worse than when I lost a million dollars in the stock market in the late 1990’s. Nothing I endured in my life hurt as much as the pain of losing my family unit and the dream I had to enjoy life with our children in our new, once in a lifetime, dream home. What I did first to overcome heartache pain was amazing! Here comes the “HOW TO OVERCOME HEARTACHE PAIN”. Naturally and Holistically advise.
At first, immediately upon agreeing to the separation, I was confused, upset, hurt, and in severe emotional pain and I knew it. The very first week I said to myself, what am I going to do? I have no family to turn to, I have no money, almost everything we own is fully invested or in my ex-wife’s name and I have no where to go or turn to. I thought to myself, my life is over. I retired early and was living on our investments. Therefore, I had no job and little skill in the workforce since technology changed since I sold my company ten years ago and I had no control of the money being it was invested and in my ex-wife’s name. That is when it hit me! That is when I acknowledged I was in deep trouble, and even worse, I acknowledged, I was in severe emotional pain. I realized, I needed to do something profound to improve my situation. I realized quickly that I needed to acknowledge the fact I was in emotional pain and I started thinking on ways to accept it and deal with it.
Almost immediately, I made a conscious decision to change my routine, to change my life and to start making steps to improve my life rather than fall apart. I made a choice to wake up every morning around 6:30 am and I began hiking in nature. I started climbing mountains early in the morning and I walked for hours every day for many months. I began to feel different almost overnight. I was still in emotional pain and I sometimes cried as I walked in the woods. However, the crying changed to prayers. Prayers of gratitude actually. Gratitude for what some may say? Gratitude came to me rather suddenly. I began praying, to the universe. I started saying, thank you universe, thank you God, thank you for the experience of this pain. I started, thanking God-the universe for this pain and I acknowledged the fact, that I need this pain to grow, to become closer to God and the universe. I would actually speak out the words: “thank you God, thank you universe for this pain, I need this pain in order to grow”.
I started talking directly to nature in the parks and as I climbed mountains. I knew through my reading spiritual books all my life that everything is connected. Therefore, I utilized that knowledge and I began thanking every tree, branch, leaf, dirt, rock, bug, and creature for loving me. I started touching trees, leaves, plants and I told them I feel their love and I know they love me because they are all God.
I started realizing, everything is God, I am even God, God is in everything and that is when my heartache began to ease. The pain began to dissipate as I remembered that everything in the universe loves me. Therefore, I do not necessarily need the specific love of my mother, father, sister or ex-wife. I started to understand everything is love and I have it all the time. I started understanding I am God, everyone else is God and that my pain and my experience was merely a part of some experience intended for my growth. All this revelation surrounded in nature.
After spending a few hours each day in nature, I would go to Barnes and Noble and read self-help and spiritual books most of the day. I chose my favorite authors. Dr. Wayne Dyer, Ester Hicks, Dr. John Demartini, Elizabeth Lesser, Byrne. I read Napolian Hill, I read Tapping The Source, a book very similar to The Secret and I read books about the stages of relationships including the stages of divorce. I immersed myself in spiritual teachings of St. Germain and I started reading about the Ascended Masters and how they utilize their inner source and how they use their knowledge to transcend. I read books about metaphysics, quantum leaping, shifting consciousness and books that taught me the necessity of becoming centered, grounded and focused. I read these books after my nature walks. I realize many could say, I was lucky, I did not have to go to work and I had a lot of free time to walk, exercise and read. That may be true. However, not working was also a curse to some degree, being I had nothing else to focus on and nothing to concentrate my full energy on. On top of that, I had no mother or father or sister to talk to any longer. Fortunately, for me, I used my time wisely instead of spiraling downward. Nonetheless, if someone is suffering and in immense heartache pain, and they do not have the ability to spend all day walking in nature or reading self-help books, they can at least, walk one hour a day and they can shut off the electronics and read in the evening. I have not watched television in over two years. I spent my time reading every self-help book I could find and reading changed my life. I self educated myself and I discovered the secrets to finding inner peace and how to perceive events differently. I discovered gratitude and I discovered everything in the universe is connected; we are all energy and that there are so many layers and dimensions to the universe that what we often perceive as a painful event was sent to us in order for us to learn and grow and not for us to cry over the heartache or perceived problem. I discovered how the most brilliant minds in the universe such as the great masters, the saints, Einstein, Thoreau, Tesla, Buddha and so many others, understood the complexities of nature and the universe. Brilliant minds understand the secrets of the universe and I was discovering the secrets of many brilliant minds as I read, read and read.
After I acknowledged my pain and after I started walking in nature and talking to the universe-God, I took it a step further. I began meditating. I had read a couple books on mindfulness meditation. Therefore, I started deep breathing and I began to clear my mind of the chatter while I was in nature and that is when I had a life-changing breakthrough. God spoke to me one day in silence. Before, I began to meditate that day; I spoke to my mother, father, sister and then God. I prayed to all of them and I said to them; “listen mom, dad, Jeanne, God, you all know me, you all know my heart and you all know I was a good husband and father”. I asked; “please help me, please help me survive this divorce”. After I entered the silence and after I stayed in silence a few minutes, God spoke to me and said; “go home, do not worry, I have something coming for you that you cannot fathom”. I ended my meditation for the day and I continued to walk, hike, exercise, read, study and improve my health ever since that day. I also improved my diet and my mindset over the course of the next year or two. I tried to reinvent myself starting from zero and without hardly any money. I did it and I survived it all, mostly because I trusted those words I heard in meditation. I did not know how my life would change for the better. However, I continued to trust that something amazing was going to happen and it eventually did. First, I met an amazing, spiritual woman strictly by chance, while I was passing by a restaurant in Manhattan in the winter of 2013. I was literally, walking by a restaurant that had a gallery show on the walls of the restaurant, I passed the place, but backed up after glancing at the artwork, which caught my attention. I made a split decision to view the art, and after viewing the art, I decided to have lunch at the restaurant. Half an hour later, the restaurant owner informed me, this lady standing next to her was admiring the artwork as well, the moment I looked at this woman, I sensed something special about her and asked for her number. I explained that I normally do not ask woman out on the spot, however, I am single and there is something about you, so if I can have your number, I would like to contact you sometime. The woman gave me her number and we went on our first date a week later and we entered a relationship a couple months later. On the first date, the woman informed me, most men do not understand her, she explained she is reading a book now about St. Germain and the Ascended Masters and I said, stop, you will never believe it, I am reading the same book. I told her, I am reading St. Germain and I explained I understand we hold the powers to transcend. We are living together today, are both in love and feel gratitude for everything we have. Meditation is the key to connecting to the universe-God. When you learn how to meditate, you discover how to tap into the source and enter that state of awareness that is not possible in the typical environment. You need to free your mind of the chatter, the clutter and the usual, conditioned thoughts in your mind. You need to connect to the universe from a blank canvas sort to speak. Reading books on meditation will help guide you how to meditate.
On the path to overcoming emotional pain, it is important to understand all facets of your health, from your mental health, to your physical health. Emotional pain is similar to physical pain in that it hurts just as much. By improving your nutrition, you also aid your mental state of mind in the same way good nutrition aids physical injury. Therefore, the more you do to improve your diet from that of unhealthy food intake to that of rich, unprocessed, whole foods, the better nutrition your body will receive and the better your brain will function. What you eat affects your mood and your health. Many health professionals advocate a healthy diet is one of the most important elements for treating depression. In short, if your body is not getting proper nutrients, it is most likely; your brain is not receiving those nutrients it needs to function optimally. Switch to whole, unprocessed foods, as soon as possible. Whole foods such as fruits, vegetables, whole grains and nuts included with lean meats and low fat dairy products are more likely to stabilize your mood than eating processed foods which offer minimal or little nutrients and which are mostly full of sugar or corn syrup. Food with added sugar is most likely to make your blood sugar rise and fall during the day, leading to mood swings. Getting enough vitamins and minerals is equally important for maintaining optimum health and warding off depression. Research has found omega-3 fatty acids, foliate, and vitamin B12 may help depression and a deficiency of these nutrients may be a risk factor for depression. Supplementing your diet with the Omega-3 fatty acids found in salmon, albacore tuna, lake trout and mackerel is helpful to maintaining good nutrition and eating a balanced diet. Soybeans, tofu, orange juice, green vegetables, and various beans also offer Omega-3 fatty acids. Vitamin B12 is found mostly in animal products such as meat, fish and eggs.
Do not forget the antioxidants. Beta-carotene and vitamins C and E combat free radicals. Free radicals are produced in our body as a normal function. However, free radicals contribute to dysfunction and aging. Therefore, it is important to combat free radicals by eating foods rich in antioxidants as part of a healthy diet. Foods which combat free radicals are: apricots, broccoli, cantaloupe, carrots, collards, peaches, pumpkin, spinach, sweet potato which provide beta-carotene. Blueberries, broccoli, grapefruit, kiwi, oranges, peppers, potatoes, strawberries, tomato provide vitamin C. Nuts, seeds, wheat germ and vegetable oil provide vitamin E. Eating foods in these groups will provide the body with necessary antioxidants and increase vitamin and nutrient intake. You may not be aware. However, mostly all of the processed foods we eat on a daily basis, the “fast foods” consist of hardly any nutrients and deplete our energy. Most processed foods and most fast foods that you eat out are laden with chemicals? Chemicals have a negative impact on brain function. Your body would benefit immensely if your cells were receiving essential nutrients and vitamins to fuel it properly and you now know this effects you emotionally as well as physically. This is why improving your diet is an important step to overcoming heartache. I’m not a dietician or nutritionist. Please consult with your doctor or dietician before making any significant changes to your diet, and any diet must be balanced. On a final note about nutrition, try to view your body not only as your personal temple, try viewing your body as a foundation to a house and in this case, your body is the foundation and your brain and it’s functions are the house which require a strong foundation to support it.
Joseph V Cassarino is Founder of www.OvercomeHeartachePain.com a website aimed at helping individuals overcome heartache, heartbreak and divorce pain. Joseph is a published author, speaker and coach, offering private coaching sessions outdoors and surrounded in nature along the Hudson River in beautiful, Rhinebeck, N.Y.
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