It isn’t lost on me that my “freezing” was some particularly good self-protection given a few of the romantic scenarios I’ve chosen. I chose them. They didn’t choose me. What is different now? I understand to my bones that I am responsible for what shows up in my life. It isn’t my fault and I’m the one to do something about it.
One heartbreakingly curious thing I’ve noticed about myself—all that heartache and drama wiped me out so completely I had little time or energy leftover to give to my creative practice. When I show up on the daily to making things, magic happens. I make cool things, opportunities come my way, I meet interesting people, I get out of my own story and start moving through the world in a good way. Why do I fall away from my really good practices when I get overwhelmed and unhappy? Because these practices force me to have all my feelings. And at the time, I wasn’t equipped. I was better at eating ice cream to freeze them out and get numb.
Now, four years later, my creative practice is an essential part of my being human. I make art to have my feelings, to give them a voice, to spill my guts with no restrictions, no censoring, no restraint. I love the moments when time ceases to matter, when I am entirely in my moment and every choice moves fluidly without interrupting myself with over-thinking or self-consciousness. And I can see the difference in the work when I’m moving in flow.
An artist and a teacher, Allyson Seal helps people connect to their intimate voice. You can find out more about her creative practice and her creativity workshops at allysonseal.com.