A lesson in Gratitude and Humility
The secrets of the universe were dumped into my lap in an instant, or so I believed, yet I was wrong. For only partially was I aware of what I was given at that moment and allowed myself to be stuck there in rigidity for some time before being urged forward to discover my error.
Disoriented, I dwelled there for a while trying to make sense of it all, and there were those who came to validate pieces…but never the whole lot of it all. They didn’t ‘get it’, but I did, or so I believed…I was wrong. The error was simple, yet difficult to comprehend; while I latched on eagerly to those who understood the pieces of part of the whole I received, I also alienated the lessons of those who showed me to varying degrees where my understanding fell short of that which I spoke.
Instead, my clever ego voice decided that because I had already been so grounded and ‘gotten it’ from the aspects of what I like to call my ‘past lives within this life’ it must be time to just let it all go and travel off into the ethers and allow myself be guided from there.. Well – that was all fine and dandy for a bit, until I became the receiver of even more knowledge than I was able to process and integrate; knowledge that left me facing even more of my own darkness that I was not yet prepared to handle and yet, because I was unwittingly allowing my ego to lead the way, determined must be OK.
What happened from here was truly an amazing gift that held a miraculous healing…in TIME…but for a period, left me in a physically tormented state of disillusionment and despair the likes of which I had not yet been exposed to. Not only was I facing some of the most deep-seated guilt and punishment issues on a pain body and emotional level, I was doing so from a place where I ‘thought’ I had already addressed these issues – and so I somehow felt ‘wronged.’ This brought about a fresh layer of work ‘entitlement and ingratitude’ issues that would have been harsh enough on its own, let alone in tandem with the tail end of the other lot of stuff that was leaving me frail, worn and feeling generally dejected.
How I managed to get through each day of this is a source of amazement to me and a gift in and of itself; that my family bore witness to and supported me through it despite how fearful it must have made them is an even greater miracle. And yet working through those subtle (and sometimes not-so-subtle) levels of pain I knew on a soul level that even though I felt as though I was abandoned, cast off by God, The Guides, and all those who ‘knew what I knew,’ it would not last forever. (Thank goodness I wasn’t wrong about that!)
And now as I am able to see how the pendulum has swung it is with deep appreciation for this lesson that I can face each day and say to myself “I know quite a bit…and yet, I know nothing.” There is a renewed appreciation for being a silent observer – for real, and not on the level my ego led me to believe I was being successful at. I am content to allow my path to unfold before me on a timeline that is not dictated by me, for while I always knew on the ego level that patience was important, now I can truly FEEL how important it really is – another gift!
It is with much gratitude and humility that I share this lesson with my fellow Brothers and Sisters before heading off for relaxing afternoon GROUNDING meditation to prepare me for the balance of my day as an earthly servant.