No one can understand love who has not experienced infatuation.  And no one can understand infatuation, no matter how many times he has experienced it.                  ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook


How do you know if you are only infatuated with someone or if you are truly in love? These feelings can be hard to analyze if you are in the midst of them, but there are some very practical steps you can take so that you don't run away with your self.  Infatuation has a tendency to make you want to do that. You need to be able to tell if it is love or infatuation.


Make a List and Check it Twice. Santa Claus isn't the only one who recommends this tool!  If you can write down your feelings in a list, you can begin to show yourself precisely what they are.  Once you write down the list, set it aside for a time.  When you return, see if you can mark each item as either Love, Infatuation or Lust.  If you have a really good friend whom you trust implicitly, share your list with them and see if they agree.


Check With the Experts. We are so lucky these days with having the internet to do our research.  No more time-consuming trips to the library to use out-of-date information.  Read about love, infatuation and lust on the internet.  See which ones' words your list above most likely fits into. Use lots of different resources:  religious literature, ancient literature, philosophy, psychology, pop culture.  Hit it from as many angles as you can.


Ask Someone You Truly Respect for Their Opinion.  It's very easy to let infatuation make you pigheaded or mulish. Humble yourself and tell your feelings to someone you respect, and then open yourself up wide to listen without judgment. If you can record what he or she says, and then listen to it later on, some of your emotions will have drained away and you will hear the words with more objectivity.


Here is a list of qualities for both Infatuation and Love.  Check off the ones you are feeling in each column.  It can be a keenly insightful way to determine if it's love or infatuation.







Emotional linkage

Dressing Up

Clothes are not important

Closed-mouth about feelings          

Open discussion, arguments

Agreeing with all they say

Disagreements and differences

Cannot say "I love you" deeply          

Can say "I love you" deeply


Refreshed in their presence

Physical approach

Emotional, mental compatibility


No fear



Carried away sense

Strong Feeling of affection/oneness



Infatuation can sometimes lead to real love; most times, it does not.  What I would like for you is to be truly in love in your life and it is my hope this article can help bring that about.


"Infatuation love is equivalent to being head over heels over the person for no apparent reasons. True love is knowing the person inside out and still loving him as much as you do the first time you set eyes on him."  

                                                                                                              ~ Joel Guo

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