Is Lower Ego Flexibility Damaging Your Relationships?

Is Lower Ego Flexibility Damaging Your Relationships?

Lower ego flexibility within one’s ego energy often has a destructive impact upon relationships—particularly closer ones involving family members such as spouses, partners and children. These are the people who live 24/7 with them and get no break from them. A person with lower ego flexibility thinks in a rigid, inflexible manner. They believe they “own” the truth and often perceive their task as getting others to know their truth and live by it. They show disrespect for the different thinking of others—publicly and privately—while often equating difference with deficiency. This disrespect often creates distance in relationships in which people feel unable to speak their mind around this person. Unless they want to engage in conflict which is often destructive rather than constructive as the lower ego flexibility person doesn’t believe they have anything to learn from others. Particularly, if they are of a different race, gender, religious affiliation, ethnicity, sexual orientation, or age-group. The only way to be “close” to the lower ego flexibility person is to think like them which is the making of a phony, disingenuous relationship. The following excerpt from The Two Voices Within: Balancing the Energies of Ego and Spirit to Enhance Your Life presents the messages ego is telling the lower ego flexibility person, keeping them stuck in this energy. Messages they are listening to quite well but don’t realize it.

Ego’ Voice

You must believe absolutely in what you believe, think what you need to think, and know the truth for yourself and everyone. Your thinking is beyond questioning; you need never reflect upon it or seek the opinions of others. Your ideas, knowledge, attitudes, and interpretations are much closer to the truth. Neither you nor anyone else can question them. To question your thoughts would endanger you and threaten your survival. They are your foundation, and you stand firmly upon them. You are lost without them and would be unknown to yourself. You must reside in the safety of your thoughts, as they define you and everything. They are your guide as to how best to know, live, and survive in the world. You feel safest when others are also living according to your thoughts. You must find others who already live in this world—your world—and convert others who do not.

When necessary, you must help others to know the truth. You must always question their thinking and beliefs. They are the ones toiling in darkness, and you must help them to see the light. This light, your light, helps in resolving any and all earthly matters. You know best, and others must come to know what you know. Your light shines brightest, and you feel safest when others are coming to know your light. This affirms the truth upon which you stand. You must also view your conviction as a reflection of the truth upon which you stand. Your conviction validates your truth for yourself and others. Those with less conviction are weaker and are only standing upon belief.
You must listen weakly to others and to be suspicious of their thoughts. New, different, or unfamiliar thoughts are likely to weaken you, so you must keep them at a distance. You are safest when thinking within the realm of what you know or want to know. You must also help others to think like you in their thoughts, words, and deeds. A world in which others are united with you is a safer world for you to live in. You are protected within this unity.

You must not listen to those who are closest to you, even if their intentions are good. They may lead you astray and cause you to lose yourself. You must ask them to find themselves within your thoughts, as they reflect truth. This is how you best show them love, and you feel closest to them and safest in their company offering them this guidance. You must also ask them not to change after adopting your thoughts, as that would violate the relationship, which can only survive in commonality, agreement, and unity.
You can love yourself most when embracing your thoughts and less when embracing those others. The superiority of your thoughts leads you to think well of yourself. The weakness and inferiority of the thoughts of others causes you to think less of them and to hate them if need be. You must love yourself more and others less, as this will ensure your daily safety and survival. Others can join you if they are willing to embrace your thoughts. You can love them as yourself, as they pose no danger to you.

If the content from this excerpt resonates for you or someone you know, you may want to read further in The Two Voices Within (Chapter 3) to see if you/they are living any of the roles we discuss linked to lower ego flexibility energy (Authoritarian, Racist, Religious Extremist, Love Elitist, Sexist, Ethnocentrist, Political Extremist, or Paranoid Person). It is when living these roles some or most of the time that we are damaging relationships with others and ourselves. Complementary material for those who would like to heal and bring your lower ego flexibility into balance can be found in Ego Therapy: A Method for Healing Your Whole Self (Chapters 7 and 13) and EgoSpiritualism: Awakening to Your Human and Divine Self (Chapter 7).


Lower Ego Flexibility people need to think for others, believing they “own” the truth, while living roles such as Authoritarian, Racist, Sexist, and Religious Extremist. This has a destructive impact upon relationships—particularly those with family members—who often feel unrecognized and disrespected by this person. Relationships often become distant with an absence of healthy communication, compassion, compromise and creativity from which to grow.

Dr. Nickolas Martin is a licensed psychologist who has worked in clinical, university, public school and private practice settings as a therapist, diagnostician, educator and consultant for 35 years. He authored Ego Therapy: A Method for Healing Your Whole Self and co-authored with Rev. Linda M. Martin, EgoSpiritualism: Awakening to Your Human and Divine Self and The Two Voices Within: Balancing the Energies of Ego and Spirit to Enhance Your Life.

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