Recently I read a well written and provocative blog entitled Five Reasons Why Monogamy is an Absolute Bar to World Peace. It is well stated, well thought out and makes an attempt to bring the integrity of a Course in Miracles into alignment with how one lives in relationship. The extension of how we think into how we manifest is brilliant.
And I don't agree.
I remember the first time I was faced with the argument that there was no historical Jesus. It was Christmas - ironically - and I was watching the Jesus Mysteries documentary on TV. I was angry and shocked. And then I started to read more books about it. I found myself not only open to the idea that there was no historical Jesus, but being inspired, opened, freed and uplifited by the thought. I allowed me a deeper dive into consciousness and connection with the Divine, and I could respect the teachings related to Jesus in a loving way.
So, I have been challenged over the last year by how I feel about monogamy as well. I respect polyamory. I have no ethical dilemma with it, and see it as a way of living in integrity with one's preferences and needs for honesty, freedom and deep connection by working through the issues that arise in multiple relationship circumstances. It just isn't for me. But, neither is traditional marriage. And that is where I find myself in agreement with the ideas in the Five Reasons blog, just not the rationale.
Monogamy is a social construct. It was designed as a social construct to maintain the rights of property and only in the last few centuries have we associated romantic love with marriage. Marriage served as a mechanism for social control, and was based in a value system of patriarchy. The arguments that monogamy reinforces fear of separation, territoriality, a mind set of exclusivity or elitism (married people vs single) are all valid arguments. And if the author had used the phrase "the social construct of monogamy", I would be applauding the blog and reposting it. The same way that it is patriarchy and not MEN that results in violence against women, it is the underlying need for control that is in the rules of monogamy that create separateness, not the choice to be monogamous in relationship.
Monogamy, or the preference to be in a committed intimate relationship with one person, is not necessarily the root of all evil. A person who rejects monogamy can just as easily do it from or live within a fear of separation, territoriality, jealousy, possessiveness, etc. It is not the nature of the relationship that causes it. As always, when we create things and manifest things, it is based on our consciousness level. Thankfully, the universe does not manifest our ego desires or the world would be a brutal and dangerous place. We manifest from the clarity and purity of our consciousness. So, if you are in a consciousness of separateness, which is ultimately what we are here to heal whether it is part of dis-ease, relationship or a block to awakening to higher consciousness, then you will manifest that separateness. It is not the construct or the behaviour of monogamy that creates and manifests in our collective consciousness. It is our blocks to love, our blocks to the divine, the blocks we have to the truth of our unity with all people that creates the falseness that allows us to hurt others.
It is possible to love everyone and everything while also being in a variety of relationships. It is possible as a woman, to love many men and to choose unique relationship dynamics with each of those men. It is possible to have a sexual relationship with only one man and love several others. It is possible to have a sexual relationship with many men and love all of them. In tantra, we accept all that is, including ourselves and our preferences. By rejecting the preference for monogamy, you are in fact still reinforcing separateness, suggesting there is only one right way to love.
I choose monogamy because it is the way in which I experience deep intimacy with another. It keeps the energy focused in a relationship, to an extent. I am highly empathic and sensitive to energy, so when other energies become mixed in to my intimate relationships, it becomes difficult for me, confusing, and the vibration drains me. That doesn't make it wrong - just not my preferred space for fully expressing myself.
And so, to the wonderful author of the blog about monogamy and world peace, I congratulate the consciousness she is trying to reflect in striving for something higher and more pure, more beautiful on this planet. I will join her in the consciousness of love and wholeness. I will create from a place of divine love in all my relationships. And I am going to continue to be monogamous while I do it.