Many believe that-long term relationships eventually become boring. This myth can be hazardous to your relationship because it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. That can lead to a belief that when there are moments of diminished feelings of attraction, desire, or sexual excitement (all of which occur from time to time even in the best relationships) that the flame has gone out and the future is bleak. Possessed by this expectation, it’s not surprising that many couples can begin a downward trajectory that all too often ends in separation or worse.
We can’t keep the waves from coming, but we can learn to surf.
It is not possible to prevent those moments from occurring. But it is possible to strengthen a relationship in a way that minimizes their impact, and diminishes the frequency not just a little bit, but to a very significant degree. "What’s the catch?” you might ask. There is none, that is, unless you call infusing your life with more fun and pleasure a catch. That’s what it takes to keep your relationship fresh, passionate, and exciting, whether you’re twenty or ninety.
Lest you get into the “I’d-love-to-but-there’s not-enough-time” syndrome, let us remind you that it’s never a matter of having enough time; it’s always a matter of how you choose to prioritize your time. Many of us assign a higher priority to activities other than our relationships, not necessarily because we don’t value them, but because we take them for granted. We think, since we’re committed, we don’t need to continue to put forth the time and attention that we did in the early days. It’s a big mistake to take your partnership for granted and assume that it doesn’t require the same kind of care that it once did. It can be a set up for disaster if neglect continues for too long.
Beware of slippage.
After years of married life, it’s easy to slip into being roommates, business partners, and if they are raising children, co-parents. If the relationship becomes defined by these important roles, the essential component of being lovers can be squeezed out. There are myriad ways to bring more spirit into a relationship. Here are a few ideas to consider.
These emotional interchanges are the main meal. Sex is the desert, and it’s non-fattening. Taking time out of our busy lives to make sure that the intimate aspect of our relationship is thriving can work wonders for the partnership, and our lives as a whole. Trying something new can bring your relationship more thrills and excitement.
Reap the benefits
We can rest assured that the lovers' aspect of our relationship is thriving when we’re enjoying the art of bringing pleasure and greater well-being to each other. And we receive the added benefit of all those health-enhancing hormones running through our body that promote happiness and delight.
Linda Bloom L.C.S.W. has served as psychotherapist and seminar leader practicing relationship counseling almost forty years. Check out her OMTimes Bio.
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