Keep Your Relationship Fresh and Passionate

Many believe that-long term relationships eventually become boring. This myth can be hazardous to your relationship because it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. That can lead to a belief that when there are moments of diminished feelings of attraction, desire, or sexual excitement (all of which occur from time to time even in the best relationships) that the flame has gone out and the future is bleak. Possessed by this expectation, it’s not surprising that many couples can begin a downward trajectory that all too often ends in separation or worse.

 

We can’t keep the waves from coming, but we can learn to surf.

 

It is not possible to prevent those moments from occurring. But it is possible to strengthen a relationship in a way that minimizes their impact, and diminishes the frequency not just a little bit, but to a very significant degree. "What’s the catch?” you might ask. There is none, that is, unless you call infusing your life with more fun and pleasure a catch. That’s what it takes to keep your relationship fresh, passionate, and exciting, whether you’re twenty or ninety.

 

Lest you get into the “I’d-love-to-but-there’s not-enough-time” syndrome, let us remind you that it’s never a matter of having enough time; it’s always a matter of how you choose to prioritize your time. Many of us assign a higher priority to activities other than our relationships, not necessarily because we don’t value them, but because we take them for granted. We think, since we’re committed, we don’t need to continue to put forth the time and attention that we did in the early days. It’s a big mistake to take your partnership for granted and assume that it doesn’t require the same kind of care that it once did. It can be a set up for disaster if neglect continues for too long.

 

Beware of slippage.

 

After years of married life, it’s easy to slip into being roommates, business partners, and if they are raising children, co-parents. If the relationship becomes defined by these important roles, the essential component of being lovers can be squeezed out. There are myriad ways to bring more spirit into a relationship. Here are a few ideas to consider.

 

 

  1. Go out on a date. Dates aren’t just for young lovers; they work magic for those of us who have been together for a while because going away from home provides a change of scenery, and enlivens things for both partners.

 

  1. Staying home for a date can be fun too. You can have a romantic dinner by candlelight. Consider making date night a regular feature of your relationship. Dates don’t have to be limited to a few hours together on an occasional evening; they can be an entire day, a weekend, or even longer, depending on the agreement you and your partner make. 

 

  1. Honeymoons (without the kids of course) aren’t just for the newly married. Taking one every year is not too much. I know lots of people who have made a tradition of this practice.

 

  1. Designate “sacred time” to create a tech-free zone that will assure you that there will be NO interruptions.

 

  1. Some delightful ways of spending an evening together don't cost anything. Going into the tub with each other, with candlelight of course, followed by more candlelight in the bedroom is always a sure way to enhance the spirit of romance.

 

  1. Listen to music together, and if you want to really get wild, try dancing. If you’re at home you can take your clothes off. You’ll know for sure that you are not roommates or business partners when you’re dancing in the nude!

 

  1. Massage is another great way to keep romance alive. You don’t need a massage table or fancy scented oils. Cooking oil works fine. And you don't have to be a professionally trained masseuse or masseur to bring a loving touch. 

 

  1. Reading love poems to each other can soothe the soul.  If you enjoy the exotic, consider poetry from Rumi, Hafiz, or Kabir.

 

  1. Last, but not least, let your heart, not your brain, do the talking. Let your words be heart-felt, sincere, and intimate.

 

These emotional interchanges are the main meal. Sex is the desert, and it’s non-fattening. Taking time out of our busy lives to make sure that the intimate aspect of our relationship is thriving can work wonders for the partnership, and our lives as a whole. Trying something new can bring your relationship more thrills and excitement.

 

Reap the benefits

 

We can rest assured that the lovers' aspect of our relationship is thriving when we’re enjoying the art of bringing pleasure and greater well-being to each other. And we receive the added benefit of all those health-enhancing hormones running through our body that promote happiness and delight.

Mmmmmmm good! 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Linda Bloom L.C.S.W. has served as psychotherapist and seminar leader practicing relationship counseling almost forty years. Check out her OMTimes Bio.

If you like what you read, click here to sign up Bloomwork’s monthly inspirational newsletter and  receive our free e-book: Going For the Gold: Tools, practice, and wisdom for creating exemplary relationships.

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Comment by Linda Bloom on March 31, 2018 at 1:43am

Abstract: Many believe that-long term relationships eventually become boring. Possessed by this expectation, it’s not surprising that many couples can begin a downward trajectory that all too often ends in a break-up or staying in an arrangement that does not meet our needs.

After years of married life, it’s easy to slip into being roommates, business partners, and if they are raising children, co-parents. Yet there are myriad ways to bring more spirit into a relationship. Consider these ten ideas.

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