“Imagine what a harmonious world it could be if every single person, both young and old shared a little of what he is good at doing.” ~ Quincy Jones
When you share yourself with others, it can be a terrifying task if you are unsure about yourself. As you unfold that surety, though, you learn ways to adjust your words so they fall more gently on the ears of others. Or maybe you don’t, because you rather enjoy their shocked reactions? Either way, to maintain a successful relationship with others is desirable because these relationship will support you as you unfold your way toward perfect understanding across the years of your life.
These tips will support you toward more satisfying relationships:
Acceptance. You are uniquely you, just as they are uniquely them. Accept people as they are and when it comes to change, only change you. It’s futile to try to change others. Only they can accomplish change within themselves.
Choose only positive people. Associate with people who are positive, fun, and forward thinking. Choose those who will support you as you work your way upward. Negative people will only hold you down. If you don’t feel good around them, walk away and go be you.
Be generous when forgiving. People will do and say things that hurt you. Don’t hug these things to your heart forever. Forgive them and move into your own next best experience. Release them, your resentment and hurt. Look for the lessons and then move forward. If you spend time hating them, you won’t have time to love the folks who are there now.
Only hold on to real friends. There are people who aren’t really interested in what is good for you. Let go of that bunch. They didn’t bring much into your life anyway, and they just aren’t worth your time in mourning over their being gone. They came, they left their gift, and they left. Did you learn the lesson from the gift?
Don’t be a harsh judge. One glance at a person doesn’t tell you his full story, so don’t think you know someone after one look. Be tolerant. Listen to his story. Appreciate there may be something you can learn from him. If the relationship doesn’t work after you have looked, ease gently out of it. Trust yourself that you will know when to leave and how to do it gently.
Be loyal to your real friends. There are always friends who are ready to party and be the entertainers in your life. The guy who stays and helps you carry out the empties is a real friend and deserves your loyalty and support. Real friends deserve your support, just as they support you.
Be tolerant, kind and respectful. If you make a decision in your mind that you will treat everyone with tolerance, kindness and respect, you will feel fabulous regardless of how they treat you. Your decision will keep you in harmony, out of judgment, and will be noticed by others. People will want you to be in a relationship with them.
Look for their good, and praise it. It takes discipline and a conscious choice to look for what is good in others, and when you give what you’ve seen a voice, you can easily take yourself out of selfishness into the realm of genuine caring and concern for others. And when you do this for yourself, you can do it more quietly. Who knows? Maybe they’ll pick up on it and start praising you!
Tolerate the uniqueness of your individuality. There just is not one mold we all have to fit into, so learn to appreciate the way you are and approve of it. If you accept you, others can’t poke at you, or, if they do, you’ll just laugh and say “Yes. I’m like that” and smile. We all have idiosyncrasies. So what?
Think about other, not just yourself. Make it a habit to do nice things for others. I love the concept of paying it forward. People in the UK buy “suspended coffees” in advance for the homeless. Who are the folks in your life you’d like to do nice things for?
Maintain communication. Forever friends don’t require daily chats, but a tap on the shoulder occasionally keeps a harmonious relationship intact. If someone matters to you, go out of your way to nurture that friendship. Go visit your cousins when you return to your home town, for example.
Give folks a reason to trust you. Make your word your bond. If you promise to do something, follow through and get it done. Don’t commit to it if you don’t intend to do it. Always be honest. People can handle your “I don’t want to” much better than finding you’re not going to show up when you said you would. Open and honest wins the day.
Listen twice. Speak once. Everybody has their own ideas, just as you have yours. You will serve your harmonious relationships better if you listen to your friends more than you give them advice. Only give advice when they ask you for it. Otherwise, your greatest gift is to listen.
To have a friend, be a friend. You will automatically attract what you are, so if you want a loyal friend, become one. If you want more parties in your life, throw a party. If you want a promotion, do an extraordinary job in the job you’re in.
Now: how can you put them to good use in your life?