It is common to hear people complain about being lonely around holidays during the year when expectations are running high. This is especially prevalent if someone has lost a loved one or broken up with a spouse or friend, or if the family is not together.
Loneliness kills many people in this world. People are finding less and less time for themselves and for others due to their chaotic lifestyles! Let us understand that loneliness and aloneness are not the same. You are lonely when you are cut off from others and you therefore think in your mind that you are lonely. Aloneness is when you are alone, but not lonely, for that is the best quality time to have with yourself.
When we believe that we are lonely we usually rush to deal with this unpleasant feeling with something outside of ourselves. It might be drinking alcohol, overeating, or going to see a therapist or friend to talk. Loneliness is a self-imposed negative emotion which, when you are caught in its rut, only breaks down all of the good things that come your way!! The mind is the core of everything in this world. Your wine or extra food are just acting as painkillers; they are temporary, providing a mere patch. It does no good other than to help you forget about your pain for a while, while the root of the pain only goes deeper.
Why do we suffer from this disease of loneliness? Why is it so painful? A lot depends on the childhood grooming in one's life. Most of us are small kids in our heart, looking for attention, appreciation, a pat, or love, and all our emotions are but the offshoots of this deep inner search!!
We need to realize that our “child” has grown up, and this growth demands we set our consciousness on something higher and more sublime. As we do this, our thoughts change, and with that, our emotions become more firmly grounded in self-appreciation and higher self-esteem, being born of true SELF LOVE.
Don’t forget that our lives are far more sublime than a need for constant attention and validation from others. Friendship and love evolve from SELF LOVE, for all love has its roots in the being within.
We all love to be loved, and that is most human and natural for all of us. But the catch is, dependence on anything does not yield positive results all the time. Dependence is rooted in unpredictability. If you have invested too much of your emotions in the one who gives you love, then that person seems to hold the key to your happiness. This could be painful at times. But if you really want to be loved, don’t forget that you need to love yourself first; self love is the positive energy that attracts good companionships from the outside world, not the other way around!
Loneliness is one thing, but aloneness is something that has helped many people to realize the deeper truths of their inner reality.
Every spiritual tradition in the world prepares your mind to be free of any kind of dependence. Though nothing in the universe is independent, here, independence is to realize INTERDEPENDENCE in the core experience. Like any other practice, a seeker needs to learn how to live life without the support of another’s attention and appreciation. Ego will always demand it, for it survives on control and attention, pushing you into clinging and grasping. As you learn to absorb the celestial sound of silence in meditation or prayer, you gain the ability to be independent of the need for another’s attention or control. Now you are on your own. The key to life’s delight is in your hands. You can be alone, but no longer lonely and depressed needing a drink or a therapist!
This is the gift of Meditation, which is the medication for the soul without the need for any pills. Time and breaths are very precious. Don’t give yourself to others’ attention all the time. Remember, the attention from others can be withdrawn at any moment. Give attention to your inner treasure of the blissful Presence in the present moment. You will blossom into a holistic being, vibrating with a living message for the whole of mankind!!
Very simply, YOU ARE NEVER, EVER ALONE. You can be lonely, but you cannot ever be alone. Can you exist without the Atman, your Soul or Life Principle? Can you move your body without the vital life energy? Meditate upon this fact that it is the Life Principle, the Atman within, which animates your body and mind. So, you are ever in the company of this Life Force within. Atman is inseparable from God, thus you can never ever be alone in this world. Your loneliness is the illusion of your mind that does not recognize the reality of God's existence in your heart. Every cell of your body vibrates His music of Love and Joy. Be with Him or Her and you are free from self-conceived notions of unhappiness and loneliness.
Resolve in 2014 you are going to turn around. Let this year be a year of firm resolution and positive conviction. Ride on this positive affirmation of the Truth of Life: Self-Love is sustaining Love. Trust that once you can stand before the mirror and spend fifteen minutes affirming all the good things you have in life, assuring yourself that you have all the good qualities needed to attract the best in your life in every facet, all will be well. Your rephrased thoughts and beliefs can completely change your life forever. And YOU ALONE can do it for yourself, with Self-Love, and you will never be lonely again.
Shuddhaanandaa Brahmachari (Kolkata, India), is an international motivational speaker, author, social advocate and peace maker. Founder of Stress Management Academy, his Simple Art of Managing Stress and Course in Mindfulness are known worldwide, inspiring corporate leadership, students and all seekers of peace and happiness to be the leaders of tomorrow.
Author of the internationally acclaimed Making Your Mind Your Best Friend,
Shuddhaanandaa was the recipient of the Man of Peace Award from the World Organisation for Peace in Mexico, 2012. He is recognized as a visionary social advocate for his development of groundbreaking programs that serve thousands of poverty-stricken individuals in slums of Calcutta, India and remote villages of West Bengal. He founded Lokenath Divine Life Mission in 1985.
Please read his new book Cleaning the Mirror of Mind, available on Kindle.