What is love? If love is eternal and unconditional then where can you find it? Are you looking in the right place? Humans have searched and yearned for love since the beginning of history, why? It motivates and ignites passion and creativity, yet this can’t be the whole story. There must be more to love, a deep and profound meaning.  Battles have been fought to obtain it and many people have lived and died for the ideals it represents. Is love something you can possess? Do you want to?

When you consider this, first take off the glitter and sparkles that media and marketing has added. That is only superficial wrapping sold to consumers eager for the experience without knowing its substance. Chocolates, flowers and valentines are nice expressions and yet do not necessarily equate to love. What is love? When you delve deep, two varieties emerge: love which is changeable, situational and depends on other people and love which is eternal, ever flowing and unchangeable.

Love with the lower case l usually manifests as a salve, a balm for a wounding. The ache of something missing and feeling of incompleteness. In an effort to stop the pain the searching for an answer begins. Others become a mirror, what is reflected? In another do you see yourself as complete? Is the answer out there in the outside world? The problem with the little love is that it is a projection, an illusion. It may uplift you for a short while yet carries within the possibility of heartache and loneliness, and greater separation from the big love, the true love. Yet you are bombarded with images and media showing you little love. How can you navigate through that, and find the big love?

Un-learning what you have been taught by society is the first step. That takes dedication and practice, not to wander mindlessly down the storybook path, rather take the higher road. The road to the big love the real Love. Now that you have disconnected yourself from the glitter, sparkles and the marketing that society sells, you can connect to the truth. You will need to contemplate and acknowledge the beliefs you have created about love. Do you deserve it? Is it something you have to earn? Will it take a miracle? If it was in front of you today, would you be ready to accept and receive it?

The little love manifests from the belief of lack, you lack and so you search to be filled. When you accept this love into your life unintended consequences happen. Personal boundaries may be ill defined, weak or non-existent. Either you make demands from others or perhaps you become the door mat. When demands are made, it is from a place of deep insecurity and feelings of unworthiness. The insistence that someone change or behave in a certain manner occurs because the need to control exists. Everything is perceived as a direct reflection upon the person who is making the demands. Triggering all their unresolved wounds and issues. This is uncomfortable, painful and will only serve to eventually validate low self-esteem.

Having developed an understanding of what love is from external sources, which is reinforced by media daily, it becomes easy to step into role playing. What role do you identify with? The helpless victim, powerless or dependent on others to provide you with what you lack? Do you submit yourself to another for fixing? Stop a moment and examine the beliefs you hold, the thoughts you think, and the story which you are creating.

Is your purpose in life, helping (fixing) others? While for a short time you may find this satisfying it will not last. Eventually you will feel overwhelmed, burdened and used. You cannot take on the responsibilities for another. It will deplete you and rob others from the experiences they need for personal growth. Self-responsibility is a key ingredient for growth and development. No matter how well intended you are, enabling another to avoid their own inner work is a disservice to you both.

The big love comes from recognizing, that you are already whole. That means the other person is also whole. That epiphany changes the dynamics of personal relationships. You no longer need another person to fill any sense of lack. Role playing isn’t necessary, (this is a leap but please consider …) this also means you do not need to fulfill a purpose or mission. Because you are already whole and perfect, this isn’t necessary to give your life meaning. “Being” is enough. Now that said, if you feel a calling by all means pursue it! Balance in life is achieved when “being” is complimented by conscious doing.

The big love, is recognizing your perfection, your divinity and the knowledge that you are “spirit in a human container”. If you feel lack, or yearn for something that seems missing, consider it as a signal from your higher self-asking you to re connect. Examine your beliefs, thoughts and what you are creating. The universe will support your story, that’s what you attract. Change your mind, do your inner work and you will start another storyline attracting what you really want to experience. Put ego (mind) in its place, don’t accept the little love, embrace big love which is what you are and deserve. 

Lynn Zambrano advises and trains empaths and highly sensitive people all over the world to use their gifts to change their lives and the lives of others. If you have enjoyed this article please visit her blog at LynnZambrano.com

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