LOVE RELATIONSHIPS- WHAT DO YOU NEED?
BY: NANCY OAKES
Of course I am so thankful for my first love, and my wonderful children that relationship produced. I however, got lost in a world of pregnancies, household chores, and vacuum cleaners as Valentine presents. I felt I was no longer sexy, I had no time for him, and he eventually found someone who gave him time and more. Looking back the signs were all there, I was just blinded by my 24/7 routine of Tide detergent, Mr. Clean, and hundreds of mama come quick (never knowing whether it was a cut finger, or no toilet paper) I did not know when the love train left, for I was at the dentist with a child, or an FFA parade with a show pig. What I needed at the time was a partner, a good administrative assistant, or even a great quarterback, one who promised to respond to our game plan of raising three children. I was expecting ” I’ll get you the ball, and cover you, you run it in. It did not matter if he was in front, our behind me, or running circles around me, just be there somewhere darling. However painful, I learned a few very important love relationship must do’s while wishing my first love on to-love, and happiness.
Life and love is one crazy ride-and it can get out of your control occasionally, like the old country and western song-like moving chairs on a ship that’s going down.
It is really difficult for two people to remain in a loving relationship when the nights of cuddling, making passionate love, holding hands, or just watching a lovely summer night sunset is only a memory.
Your lover, or partner may jump ship if he/she feels they are on one that is sinking…. Life boats are for escape, and rescue, full of people who had to make a decision to save themselves, as they row away from a sinking ship. Sometimes the ship does not sink but turns upside down and floats on, perhaps on to a very distant shore. It could take a little time for you to adjust to your new environment but the water is warm, the sunsets are lovely, and you soon learn to climb the coconut tree for drink, and food. You find that there are other people marooned as well, and soon you’re all sitting around a fire, drinking your coconut juice, and telling personal stories of what your life was like before the ship broke apart. You survived, as they survived, and the thing that feels right is to pray that the other people, that jumped into the lifeboats. have been rescued. For it does seem you are safer than on an ocean of uncharted waters, at least you have coconuts to eat and drink, and your feet are on solid ground. What is important at the moment is you, and the others with you must prepare for another day of climbing coconut trees, or you don’t eat.
What’s life all about anyway? Do you need rescued… or just someone to help you build a warm fire?
Are you one that is living in a chaotic world, trying to make sense of it all? Do you feel like you’re stranded with strangers on a deserted island learning survival techniques, or are you in the lifeboat floating aimlessly hoping for rescue? These are some of the basic classifications of our human experience on this planet. We are human beings, who have an innate sense of need, and belonging. It is what makes us human, and therefore we are not cocker spaniels. Most of us hope to connect with that special someone, who will supply what we need.
Surprise---- What’s in your heart?
Yep that is the first sign of who are you’re calling into your life. Are you looking for your soul mate, your twin flame, a life partner, a weekend fling, or a lover? Are you concerned with physical survival, or economic safety? Are you just tired of eating your coconuts alone? Did your loving dog die, and you need a loyal companion to be waiting on you when you get home after a long day of row, row, row your boat?
People either are or are not capable of supplying what you need. Since you are all you have-it is always about you, and what you need, it is just human nature. The conflict or lack of feeling loved, or appreciated, even being connected emotionally and spiritually effects your personal life, your home life, and your career. It is not even selfish of you to expect your life to be one of happiness and fulfillment. To bring into your reality, getting out of a stressful unproductive relationship is liberating, not just for you-but also liberating for your partner, who could be just as frustrated as you are. They may be working as hard as humanly possible to give you what you need. which is not humanly, or spiritually possible for them to give to you.
Naturally human beings are created with the need to receive love and give love, the best kind of love is unconditional. Humans are capable of this level of love and appreciation.
Best friend love is the one that lasts a lifetime. Why? You can tell your best friend anything, and everything, you’re not judged by your best friend, and they are the person you seek out with awesome good news, or disturbing tragedy. You can be, and have a best friend. Best friends can also be our twin flame (that one that is a special soul connection between two souls, that eternal type of relationship between lovers-not to be confused with soul mate, which is a some one you actually feel whole with… as your life puzzle is now complete because you have found each other-or even life partner who is limited in how much he/she can enrich not only your life but your spirit.) We are generally searching for the right relationship, the one, that rings our bells and causes our heart to race at the very sound of their voice, the one that flips our world upside down, and we are never the same-even if it does not last forever. And what does forever mean, it has no ending, now that is really a hard concept for humans to live by.
So we go on loving people, building and tearing down relationships. Sometimes we meet the one as we stumble on to a deserted island, not knowing how we will survive another day, or as we jump into a lifeboat rowing as fast as we can away from a sinking ship, or we walk into a ice cream soda shop, (for which we have no idea why because we have been dieting for months ) and there stands a stranger, our eyes meet, our heart skips a beat, and we hope beyond hope their single, and available- because all the bells and whistles are going off. You could after all hear just what you need whispered into your ear, darling I only want you to be happy, what can I do to help?
Sink or swim? Ride that broken ship to shore, row that lifeboat on through uncharted waters, it is worth the risk-
Nancy is the CEO of the “Spiritual Life Style Wellness Center.” Nancy is currently involved in the study of psychology, and cultural anthropology. Her first book is available on amazon.com The Return of Sophia, Mother of the Universe. You can contact her at her email address firstname.lastname@example.org aboutme.com www.lovetothelight.weebly.com