Having never considered memories as different colored yarns, I stumbled across a beautiful story called “A Snarl of Yarn” written by Bill Martin in the book, “The Tao of Forgiveness, The Healing Power of Forgiving Others and Yourself”.
When I first saw the title of the book, my thoughts of “oh me, another book about forgiving, what difference will it make from all the others I have read?”
Well, it was a turning point on my path of constant healing.
Before I read this book, My Source was already in the process of presenting an entire different concept than the one of “forgive and forget” I had been fighting within for many years.
Having come thus far with my healing from the pain I had both consciously and unconsciously allowed myself to attach to, I awakened with a new hope, a bigger possibility, a greater concept, and an awareness of forgiveness I had never ever considered or experienced.
The roots of “forgive and forget” died.
As Bill writes in his book, “I was filled with amazing grace”. I “owned” my tapestry.
The story begins with a young boy going for a walk in the woods with his father. As he walks along, he spots beautifully colored pieces of yarn and begins to collect them.
As he pieces them together, they become a huge ball of yarn. Growing older through the stages of his life, he continues to collect these pieces of yarn everywhere he goes. It gets bigger and bigger until it is so heavy, he can no longer carry the weight of this huge ball of yarn.
At a mature stage of his life, he decides to unravel this huge ball of yarn. Taking each piece, he begins to create a tapestry to hang on the wall of his home. Sometimes the pieces would come off easily, other times it was a struggle to be removed.
Each day as he continued to find new pieces of yarn. Rather than create yet another ball of yarn, the pieces would carefully and mindfully be added to the tapestry he was creating.
By the end of his life, he had created a beautiful, very large tapestry that hung on the wall of his home.
At the end of every day, he would relax and enjoy the beauty of his tapestry. It would be the last thing he looked at before falling asleep and the first thing he seen when he awakened in the mornings.
You probably have figured out by now that each piece of yarn is a memory.
We all have memories, each varying inside of every individual. The only difference is what one chooses to do with them. Some of us shove them back into a file of our conditioned mind, trying to forget the happening ever existed.
Others, we freely allow to come and go. What we do not always realize is the ones we file away in the “forgotten” drawer, does not stay there.
We tell ourselves to just push it away, act like this memory never happened, and it will vanish. We hide as a form of protection behind this mask of deceit.
This is exactly what I have spent the majority of my life doing, collecting memories and filing them in the different drawers of my mind.
I did not realize, until much later in life, that the depression, the nightmares, many of my choices, physical ailments, and pretty much my entire life would be affected…and all whose life I touch.
The process of taking my memories, one by one, recognizing them for what they were in reality has taken many years, such as the young boy. This process was as painful as some of the memories were themselves.
What is different now is having the awareness that memories are within us for a reason, because the memory was real. Accepting these painful memories as a fact is the first step on the path of forgiveness.
In the story, as the tapestry grew larger and the boy became a man, in his elder years, I noticed how he would enjoy his tapestry in the evenings and the mornings. This was a profound awareness!
This included them all, no matter what had happened in his life. Each one was a memory he owned and combined, became “his story”.
That is what my memories are, “my story”. There is much truth in the concept of asking 10 different people the same question and you will get 10 different answers.
Well, such is life. We are all unique individuals with our own unique story of our life.
The man’s last thought about his tapestry at the end was, “How beautiful it is”.
I no longer fight my memories, I embrace them. Not with a judgmental, egotistical mind, but with my unconditional heart.
By allowing this to take place, the loving memories I so much cherish have overridden the painful ones.
I allow each one to be added to my tapestry because that is “my reality”.
No tapestry is exactly the same; no life is exactly the same. We may cross people’s paths whose life appears to be parallel to our own, but there is no exact duplicate.
I do not want to die not seeing the beauty of my tapestry. Even the ones that broke my heart are touched by a greater beauty of the ones that continue to grow in my soul.
My greater beauties where the experience of the births of my three children, finding true love later in life, but even more profound is finding that what resides within us is much greater than any happening we will ever experience in this life.
Our minds are so conditioned by our habits; we do not realize all of these memories are meant to guide us on our respective journey.
Without the experience of suffering, pain, heartache, disappointments, and the like, we would not ever know how it would feel to experience happiness, love, compassion, empathy, and their likes.
For everything, there is an opposite. How would you know one without the other?
It is vital to our well being to allow our memories to be what they are because in the present moment, that is all they are, a memory. If this is a tormenting memory, allow this to be, do not fight it as if it never happened.
Choosing to do so will lessen its power over you, your choices, and your life as a whole.
When this occurs, you will make new memories that will be life changing. Even your perspective will change without you mentally choosing to do so.
Most of us do not like to hurt and most of us do not want to hurt others, but it happens and that is a reality of life. The difference is the intention.
I have never intended to hurt anyone on purpose, but it has happened. Emotions were damaged, including my own in the process. Those memories are woven into my tapestry.
My tapestry has taken on a different look these days. In addition, even though my choices are different, feelings of others are still hurt. No matter what we choose to do in life, other lives are affected in one way or the other.
Again, not my intention, but everyone has his or her own tapestry and how they choose to carry or weave it, it is an individual freedom of choice we all possess.
We do not always agree, but we must learn to accept…Acceptance is at the root of healing.
There are no age constraints regarding taking your yarns and creating your tapestry.
The mind can play hurtful tricks on us if we allow it to. When a memory is embraced, one must consider the truth of the memory.
The mind will talk to you about blame and judging. Be kind to yourself and consider that we all have a story of the happenings and experiences of our lives.
If we allow blame and judging to become an obstacle on our healing path, how can we move forward?
Unlock the conditioned mind by opening up the unconditional heart.
Invite stillness into your life.
Listen with an open heart, your heart will never mislead you.
Welcome the awareness of a greater power, a lesser evil, and the ability to embrace every piece of yarn of your tapestry.
Understanding this…becomes a truth.