Painful Signs That Show You Have Completely Lost Yourself in A Relationship

Falling in love is one of the best feelings in this world. You know the thrill of getting to know someone new, holding hands, doing little things together, spending time together and every other thing that new couples do together. But where do you draw the line between doing things a normal couple does and completely losing yourself in a relationship? There are a lot of telltale signs that you are completely losing it. However, it is usually hard to accept that you have lost yourself unless someone else who knows you well points it out. However, by this time it will be hard to believe it yourself. Check out these signs to see whether or not you have lost yourself completely in your relationship.

1. You don’t have goals or passions anymore.

 At the beginning of the relationship, you had your own career goals, or life passions, probably some routine yoga practice. There were some things you wanted to accomplish in life but ever since you got into that relationship, you no longer have them anymore. The only thing you aim at doing when you wake up is to make plans that simply involve him/her. All your life dreams have taken a backseat to sacrifice yourself for the dreams of your partner.

2. You no longer speak up about what you want or desire.

 As compared to before, you are no longer vocal about your wants and desires. You simply keep quiet and don’t even argue when things are not done, how you would like them done in order to keep your relationship going. This is not healthy and will only serve to increase your resentment towards your partner.

3. You use “WE” more often than you use “ME”?

If you do, then this is a clear red flag that something is wrong. Do you make plans with other people only to cancel them last minute that “we” have something to do? Do you justify your actions and decisions by this term? This shows that you have lost your sense of individuality in the relationship and cannot feel complete without thinking your partner. Once in a while, it’s good if you think of yourself as a team like when going out for a double date, but it is good to think of yourself every so often.

4. Has your life become a repetitive chore that you go through without any passion?

Do you wake up and look forward to nothing throughout the day, then probably you have lost yourself in the relationship.

5. You feel empty and look for anything to fill the hollowness.

Because you are not happy and have probably lost the meaning of happiness, you engage in activities to help you feel the void. Some behaviors may be unhealthy like eating junk food, drinking alcohol or abusing drugs, binge-watching; just anything to give you temporary happiness to make you feel loved. Others may be healthy, for example engaging in physical activities like hiking, sports, or reading a few inspiring travel blogs.

6. When you moved in with your partner, did you throw away your stuff or you moved in with your stuff?

 I believe you always buy something based on what attracted you to it. It may be the color, texture or uniqueness, but it represents a part of your personality. When you move in with your partner without your belongings, it shows that you have lost a part of your personality and individuality. If you are willing to sacrifice your individuality that easily then it shows you are easily going to lose yourself in the said relationship.

7. When you see to everyone’s needs before yours.

This is another red flag. You wake up in the morning, do house chores, run errands for your partner and simply busy yourself throughout the day. At the end of the day, you are too tired and worse of all, you have not had any quality time to be alone or do stuff you used to enjoy. With time, you will start feeling used and start resenting your partner. It is also a clear sign that you value other people more than yourself.

8. You don’t know what’s good for your life anymore.

 Before you start knowing your partner, you want to be an independent woman, you know how and when to pursue your dreams. It’s like having a strategy for your life. But the moment you get into that relationship, you start doubting all the plans you had. You start questioning yourself and your partner if that’s the right plan for you, then this is a clear indicator that you have lost yourself in the relationship.

9. You are living a life full of fear.

When your partner leaves the house you keep on thinking what if something bad happens to him? What if you can’t survive without them? What would you do without him? Caring is okay, but being paranoid is a worrisome point that you do not have a healthy relationship as this shows that you totally depend on your partner.

10. You feel hopeless and want out of the relationship.

If you feel hopeless and every time you feel like quitting the relationship, then probably your relationship is not healthy and you need to wake up and get out of the relationship as soon as you can. Losing yourself is not healthy. You better pack your bags and leave before it’s too late. 

About the Author: Carolyn Williams is a passionate blogger and content writer at She mostly writes about blogging, self-growth, and writing.

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Comment by Kathy Custren on August 30, 2016 at 10:12pm

Hi, Carolyn - I appreciate a number of points in your article; however, there are some inconsistencies in your use of 'partner' (which could be any sexual orientation or gender) and certain times in #9 where you specify 'him'. If you wouldn't mind adjusting for it to read 'him or her' readers may approach it with greater understanding. Please message me when the change is made so I may review once more ~ Blessings! 

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