Divorce is such a common occurrence in this day and age so cultivating the necessary spiritual tools to cope with divorce is imperative if we want to experience peace in our lives. Even if you personally haven’t been through a divorce chances are you have most likely been affected by someone else’s. If you are a child of divorced parents then you know the lasting emotional effects that it can have on a person especially if the emotions aren’t dealt with in a gentle and compassionate way.
There is so much needless suffering that circulates around this issue and most of it comes from the illusion that things are supposed to be different than they actually are. We grow up in a society that is entrenched with all kinds of ideas and beliefs about marriage. Some ideas come from our religion, some come from our government, but a lot of what we see and hear with regards to marriage comes from our entertainment industry. We see television shows and movies that say things are supposed to be a certain way and so when we set out on our journeys and things don’t measure up to these externally imposed fantasies we feel like failures and it leads to general unhappiness.
If divorce happened in 100% of marriages and we knew that it was a normal occurrence then we would accept it and there would be very little suffering around the issue. If every movie that we viewed from the time we were young featured a married couple who in the end of the film got divorced and lived happily ever after with an even bigger and more blended family then if we were unable to experience that fantasy in real life we would also suffer needlessly.
It’s not the event, situation, or person that causes us suffering. It’s the resistance we have to the event, situation, or person. It’s the notion that things should be different and that they are not working out the way that we believe they should be. Our ideas about what should be and what actually is are always at odds with each other and that resistance or non-acceptance is what causes suffering.
Everyone’s journey is so individualized and full of unique lessons that are tailor made to help that particular soul evolve and transcend. So comparing your life with anyone else’s is not only futile but it can be very destructive. Each lesson in our lives is carefully wrapped up in what at first glance seems to be a frightening problem but after the spirit gets through it, triumphs, and comes out the other side a more loving and compassionate being, they begin to see that the lesson was actually a carefully wrapped gift that changed their life for the better.
Divorce can be resisted and cause great suffering or it can be seen as a gift to crack open the hearts of all that are involved to let more divine light in. It can be scary of course, but wherever there is fear there is something that the soul is trying to tell us and teach us. As soon as you surrender and look directly into your fear, and as soon as you accept it and feel it fully something magical begins to happen. It begins to shrink. It loses its power over you. Its grip on your life begins to loosen and you finally begin to feel free. It is only when you resist your fear, run from it, deny it, and hide from it that it becomes bigger and more obtrusive in your life.
Truth be told these labels; marriage, divorce, separated, engaged, dating, boyfriend, girlfriend, partner, etc…They just keep perpetuating the illusion that we are and can be separated from one another. Divorce can no more separate you from someone than marriage can unite you to someone. Experiments in quantum physics show us that we are all interconnected energetically. We are all one. All of these external man-made structures and labels divide us and cause suffering. If you take away the labels and just see everyone as a being of light or a brother and sister, beyond their temporary form, then suffering begins to diminish. When you begin to see everyone as a part of you then the idea of trying to possess someone seems unappealing but also impossible because how can you possess someone who is a part of you? That would be like putting a string around two of your fingers and rejoicing in their union and then after seeing the string cut off, crying over their separation. Your fingers were no more united with the string around them and they certainly didn’t become any more separate once the string was cut off. They were always connected to the larger whole which is the body. So in reality there was reason to rejoice throughout the entire experience. Your brothers and sisters of spirit are connected and entangled with you forever. You can never lose anyone so having peace in the situation of divorce comes from a mere shift in perception, from illusion to truth, from separation to oneness, and from ego to spirit.
There are many divorced people that go on to live very happy and peaceful lives together. They maintain great friendships and share family responsibilities together. In fact many believe they have even fuller and more peaceful lives because of the growth opportunities their divorce granted them. Remember it’s the internal substance that matters not the external structure that the substance gets housed in. Marriage and divorce are the relationship structures but love is the internal substance. You can choose to make the substance of any structure love and that goes for divorce as well as marriage. The structure is just an illusion created by the ego but the substance, love, is the reality and that comes from spirit.
Just because the structure changes doesn’t mean the substance has to. Sure there will be changes in the relationship but there will be changes in every relationship regardless of labels and structures. Change is constant and inevitable. You can choose to experience love in both marriage and divorce. Forget about the structures and the labels and be open to experience everyone as a divine brother or sister. Let go of the need to have ownership and control and just accept everyone as they are in this present moment.
Once we strip away our ego made labels and judgments what we are left with is the beauty of experiencing one another in the present moment and it is there where our true freedom lies. Not in our memories of the past or our worries about the future. Peace comes from meeting everyone in the present moment just as they are, and looking at them through fresh non-judgmental eyes. Peace comes from letting people be just what they are without having the need to change them or mold them into something else. Peace comes from ceasing to label things as my this and my that and giving up the ego’s need to possess and control.
In the end it doesn’t matter how many labels or names you give people or relationships. No matter what title they get they can never be any more or any less a part of you. We are all infinitely connected and nothing can ever separate us. We are one. We are whole. We are love. So we can always be love no matter what physical structure we find ourselves in. Love is eternal and it doesn’t care if you have a certificate proclaiming its value or not. It is far superior than any of our man-made institutions supporting it. So focus on what’s taking place on the inside of these structures rather than the structures themselves. All structures erode and eventually fade away but the love that was housed inside will always remain, because love is eternal and everlasting. All you need is love.
Rev. Marcy Ellen is the author of The Soul Truth; Reflections for the Waking Soul. She is an energy healer, a spiritual channel, and a radio host with a Master of Divinity Degree from the University of Metaphysical Sciences. www.revmarcyellen.com