Before we start I want you to know that this class is experiential and requires practice. This means that you must practice what you are learning for it to work and you must experience your own growth. Actively using this information will give you long lasting improvement as well as a good foundation for further understanding and improvement in all that you do.
Lets take just a minute to sit quietly, breath deeply and bring your attention and awareness into the room so you can focus on what you are about to listen to. Pay attention to your breath...without the breath you would not be here. Allow yourself to just breath for a moment or two.....feel yourself to relax and focus....one last beep inhale and blow it out...now we will begin.
A client told me that she was too sick to go to the MD. I suggested that she review the “self Talk” portion of the program and then perhaps restate her situation to a more positive outcome. She told me that she didn't need to do that, she knew all about Self talk and that I needed to listen better, she was too sick to go to the DR. This lead me to feel the need to amp up this subject with this intensive.
Are you aware that your habitual thoughts create your situations and your personal verbiage, what you say when you talk to yourself, reinforces it? You may feel that you understand the importance of your thoughts and speech, however, if you continue to speak without conscious awareness, you are overwriting your own good intentions with the same old rhetoric; this gets you nowhere. If you continue to insist that you are ill,(or anything else) you will be.
Do you sometimes wonder why the same things keep happening in your life even though you think you have made changes in your thoughts and speech? The reason is that you are at cross purposes with your Self, you aren't in alignment with your innermost thought patterns, most of which you are completely unaware.
People say many things as an automatic response. Things such as , “yes”, “uh hu”, “I hate when___”, “I could just kill __”, “it kills me when”, “like”, “blah blah”, “you know”, “sorry”; get the idea? If you don't have something to say....be quiet and listen. You are surrounded by negativity and its' quaint sayings and most of you pick them up because you hear them all the time. Because of that you aren't thinking about what you are listening to and, you aren't being consciously aware of just what is really going on in your head.
This internal conversation sets limits on you that you are totally unaware of. Saying things such as “I am the type of person who just does not do__” or “I am so bad at remembering__”, “I have always had trouble with” or “I can't ever find__”. Every time these things are said, you reinforce your self imposed limits and the negative behaviors are reinforced. By the same theory, when you begin saying that you “do remember”, “this is easy”, “I always know where”, things will begin to turn around for you. You will be changing your inner dialog, your habitual thoughts and your body's chemistry. These changes are what this intensive class is all about.
SO WHERE DO NEGATIVE THOUGHTSCOME FROM? AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING ABOUT THEM?
A lot of your negative thoughts and statements were learned in your youth. Most of you were raised to judge yourselves and others by the things you can't or shouldn't do. Like judging a fish on how well it can paint a house. Most of your life you have been encouraged to work on your weaknesses rather than play to your strengths. This kind of teaching sets you up to fail. Unfortunately, your failures are remembered and revisited all throughout your life. This is how you fall into calling your self names and holding a grudge with your self because we feel that we aren’t good enough. This starts your very own negative thought process. Now look at some (most) of the so called reality shows that people get so wrapped up in, they promote ugly speech and hurtful actions all the while speaking negativity about each other or themselves for all to hear, process and internalize. These ugly, negative thoughts resonate with your own negative internal thought dialog and squat in your subconscious just waiting for you to call on them later.
Negativity is also in places that you don't expect. You all know the news is loaded with it but there are other “hidden places” that you think are benign so you don't pay attention. Music is one of these. Even though you may not understand the lyrics on a conscious level, you do on a subconscious, subliminal level. These unaware levels cause your biology to release the corresponding chemicals in your body to create stress, anxiety and anger. The rhythms and tone play into this also. Harsh, jarring rhythms will make you angry or anxious. Tones that do not resonate with you will stress you out. The rapid flashing of some of the pictures in videos do the same thing. Commercials are designed with these things in mind in order to get your attention and make you excited about the product.
Programing other than news carries it's own 'hidden negativity” as well. I had this information sneak up on me a few weeks ago. I don't watch much TV any more but every once in a while there is a movie I want to catch, such was that case on this day. I was working on a blog and had set the TV to the channel the movie was coming on and had muted the show so that I could continue working undisturbed until my self-appointed break; when the movie was to start. As I worked (paying no attention to the TV, I began to feel anxious and angry. Not an angry person at this time in my life I became aware that I was really mad! That made me stop working to asses what was going on. My first thought was that the anger was not mine, but coming from an outside source. I was correct, the TV was playing a news report about the war. I turned it off and quickly the anger went away. I was astounded! I had heard nothing of the report (TV was muted) but the vibrations got through to me on a very subtle level. Lesson learned right? Nope, about two weeks later, same scenario, different station. I again felt the anger building and, remembering what had happened the last time looked up to see what was on the muted TV. It was a prayer/preaching show! See, you never know. Sitcoms that rant and yell give off vibrations that disrupt your fragile psyche. This causes stresses that most of you have become numb to on a conscious level but, your biology reacts to it never the less. Cartoons that portray fighting, harsh voices, lies etc do the same thing to our children; numbing them on the conscious level to what is really going on in the subconscious level. Just the other day my husband was listening to a sitcom in which a woman was telling off a person who richly deserved it. Her words were powerful, positive and uplifting but her tone of voice was so hate-filled that I could not listen to her, I had to leave the room until she was finished. You also get disruptive energies from fields coming off of cell phones, microwaves (not just in the kitchen), power lines (both above and below) , lighting and all types of radio signals that are flying around you all the time.
Negativity and disruptive vibrations don't just come from electronic devices. The place where you work is loaded with them. The people with whom you have to spend a portion of our day can and do affect you whether you are aware of it or not. The anticipation of these encounters can and does have an impact on you, Think about how you feel having to go to work in the morning. Chances are that if you are not happy in your job, you will truly not want to walk in there when it's time; how does your biology feel? Crying children, barking dogs, construction noise, loud anything and, silent anger, resentment, ugly thoughts... all affect you and you are surrounded!
Another huge and unrealized offender is the casual use of the nasty little word, “hate”. The word is bandied about in the best of company, used jokingly and as an unnecessary statement of how much the speaker does not like something. You may think I am being overly picky (I have been told so many times by the unaware) but the truth of the matter is what is actually going on in your biology. Your body is in constant communication with your brain. Your brain is constantly eavesdropping on your body therefore, reactions occur before you are aware of them. Don't believe me? OK, have you ever been startled by something your brain and eyes decided was a bug, spider or the like only to find it was a leaf, sock fuzzy or something completely nonthreatening? That is what I am talking about. Your brain thinks it, your body “hears” it and shoots out chemicals to get you out of danger. Ugly, nasty, mean or hurtful words create the same chemical process to occur in your biology. The “h” word causes chemicals to be released that actually do physical damage to the little things that protect the ends of your chromosomes! Once these protective things are gone, they can NOT be replaced and your chromosomes are open to damage from all sorts of places. If this sounds too clinical, think about it this way; the little protective things are like the plastic ends on a shoe lace. They hold the chromosomes together and keep out stuff that can damage these tender parts of your makeup. With them gone, the ends of your chromosomes fray, like the shoelace, leaving openings for all sorts of damage to happen.
How do you fix all of this? By becoming consciously aware. Aware of what is going on around you and leaving when you need to, change the channel, turn it down, turn it off, ask gently for it to stop and...be conscious of what you are saying and thinking. Change what you can and stop being around the rest. Simple? Yep. Easy? As easy as you believe it/want it to be.
Begin your process by keeping a note book with you at all times so that every time you slip and say something negative,(don't beat yourself up), just write it down. Do this all day long. Then at the end of your day reread what you have written. Now this is the “work” part; pay attention as you read, how does your body really feel as you read the negative words? You may have to dig a bit to find the true feeling because I will guarantee your first response will be “I don't feel anything”. That is because of the fact that you have actually become numb to all or most of it and you will have to pay attention to what your subconscious mind AND you subconscious BODY (you do have one) are really feeling. After you have made this vital connection (it will take a while to reconnect here, it takes practice just like everything else you have learned, unlearned and relearned so give your self some time to get there) rewrite your statement in a positive way.
You go into the bathroom and he has left the seat up... again, your response might sound a bit like; “Damn it! That slob left the seat up again! I HATE it when he does that I could just kill him!!!” Now. Let's examine this. How does your biology feel right this second? Are you really THAT angry about something this insignificant? No, probably not so what are you REALLY angry about? Something that happened at work, or something left over from when you were small or maybe you ARE that mad about this silly thing...ask yourself, “HOW IMPORTANT WILL THIS BE IN 10 MINS? Answer, it won’t be at all. Now look at the language you have chosen to use. You did choose it no matter how automatic it my seem, it was your choice so, again, how does your biology feel?
How do you rewrite it? You might go with something along the lines of; “Oh my he left the seat up again. I do wish he wouldn't do that. Good news is that I saw it BEFORE I sat down!” this steps it down a bit and takes out the anger, it is not as positive as it will be but it is a step in the right direction. How does your biology feel now? In the beginning I even advocate that you add in a statement of gratitude to help you really truly and deeply change your inner dialog. In this case the gratitude part was the seeing it before you sat down. Next time it happens try saying the more positive statement and examine how your biology reacts to it. Then step it down again by rewriting it this way, “Seat's up, glad I saw it first” How did your biology feel this time? Calmer and unaffected right? That is what you're going for.
Pay attention to your habitual language. Do you say things like “hit me again” when you mean “please serve me some more”? “I am sick and tired of...” when you really mean that you would rather not do whatever it is? “I hate when that happens.” when you mean I would really rather not deal with...”? “I am SO bad with fill in your subject here.” When you really mean that you just don't know, really don't care or to cover up that you can't remember right now? All of these are negative self talk and is self sabotaging on all levels of your being. I challenge you to list some of your less than positive statements now. As you write, notice any feelings you may experience in your biology, this may take some digging and that is OK. Just pause the class and take your time with your list. When you feel that you have finished, go back an rewrite them in positive language. Again, as you write, notice the difference in your feelings. Did you feel them rise to a happier, more positive level? If you aren't sure, try it again. Remember I have told you that all of this takes practice. It is an experiential process; you have to experience your own growth, no one else can do that for you.
EXAMPLES OF THE WRONG THINGS TO SAY AND HOW TO RESTATE THEM.
When you are paid a complement just say “thank you” rather than attempt to redirect it with “oh it was nothing.” or “Gosh I didn't do anything.” When you brush off the kind words, you are telling the Universe that you are so worthless that you will attract that kind of energy and you will attract those who will confirm your low feelings of self privation.
“I hate when that happens!” “I would prefer a different outcome.” (take the 'h' word out of your vocabulary)
“Jerk! (or any other derogatory term) Don't judge at all, say nothing.
“I just can't do that.” You can do what ever you want or chose to do, what you are really saying is that you don't want to do whatever it is nor do you want to try. Rewrite with “I can do that.” and see what marvelous things you accomplish.
“I am horrible with numbers [names etc]” rewrite with “ I am good with Numbers!” I remember names [or anything else] easily.”
“I am just the worst at...” again rewrite with “I am the best at...” You may not believe it right away but as you repeat the positive statement to yourself, you will begin to believe and as you do, you will become.
“I am so sick today, I can't do anything.” If you are really ill, go to bed or the doc. Don't tell everyone about it, you are just reenforcing your situation. If you are just a bit off, rewrite with “I feel good today and feeling better every minute. I can accomplish whatever I choose to accomplish.”
“I don't like this office.” Rewrite with if you MUST say anything about it “I think (find something anything that you like, even a little) is nice.”
“I hate my job.” Seriously, if you feel so strongly about your dislike for your job, why are you still there? Rewrite as “I plan to retire in (put a number of years here) years''
“I wish they would stop picking on me.” Dismiss them , they are unworthy of you, when you stop reacting to them, they won't get their payoff and will leave you alone. Rewrite with “I am detached (indifferent) to their attempts to bother me.”
“When I retire I won't have to work.” At first this may seem a positive statement but, Rewrite with “Retirement is my opportunity to (fill in the blank) see how your biology feels now?
Notice the lack of words such as; “try”, “when”, “if”, “want”, “will”. These words are open ended an wishy-washy. They do not specify your focused, conscious, aware intent. You need to be as focused as you can be for your subconscious to make the changes you want it to make.
Some other words or statements that can trip you up;
“What if” This is phrase just wastes your energy with no good outcome. What is, is, 'what if' just creates energy that you don't want so why say it?
Calling your self names; IE; “well you did it again you dummy, you are so stupid!” I think you can see what you are doing here, you are reinforcing negative garbage that is the exact thing you are learning to get rid of. Pay close attention to how your biology feels after this remark. Your rewrite here can be to forgive yourself for your action, slow down and repeat it correctly. Admit that it is alright to make mistakes and love your self. Apologize to you if you can and start over with kind words. Notice how your biology feels after the “better” statement.
Blaming others; Again this is wasted energy. You are responsible for your thoughts, words and actions so blaming someone else is an attempt to make you look as though you are in the right (or better, or bigger, or more ) by making someone else look as though they are in the wrong (or worse, or smaller, or less) In the long run this demeans you, both to yourself and the Universe.
Bargaining with others and God; this too is another attempt to not take responsibility for something. It is also a show of your lack of faith in the powers that be. Things happen sometimes with out an obvious reason but bargaining (especially with God) puts pressure you that don't need, don't deserve and more than likely can't handle. Be responsible only when you are, in fact responsible, and let the Universe handle the rest.
Judgmental statements; again a waste of your energy and makes you less. You also limit your thinking to the judgments you are making. This limitation stops your growth so again; it hurts you, not the person you are judging.
Limiting with labels such as; “this is hard” And so it will be. Because your subconscious listens all the time, statements like this one tell your subconscious to make the task as hard as it can, you get nowhere and get to play victim...is that what you were going for? When you limit your own growth with decisions like this one you will be frustrated, angry and stuck.
“I am worried about...” Worry about anything slows or stops growth in that area and is wasted energy. It also tells the Universe to give you more of what you are worried about. The quote I like to us on this topis says that “worry is like a rocking chair, they both give you something to do but nether one of them get you anywhere.” Once you have set something in motion, let go of it and don't continue to grind on it.
“It is all my fault.” If it really is, OK, own it, apologist, fix it (if you can without hurting anyone) and let it go. Beating yourself up about it is negative self talk to the max. We are people dolls, wind us up and we make mistakes, that is how we learn. DO the best with what you have at the time and move on, that is how we grow.
“Hopefully things will get better.” This is another very negative statement mascaraing as a positive one. Hoping for something will not get it for you. “will” is vague and open so that it is always out of reach. The next step may sound something like, “Hopefully things are getting better.” Again you have the used the qualifier “hopefully” and it still won’t get you what you want. The positive statement is “Things are getting better.” Do you see how it works and how you trick yourself into thinking you are on the right track when you could, with a little thought and tweaking make your thoughts and your speech much more positive?
With a bit of conscious aware work on your thoughts, speech and habits, you will go a long way toward making your energetic and physical surroundings a pleasant, happy and healthy place to be and your life will become something wonderful and joyous.
This ends the Self Talk intensive, Thank you for joining us; (sound chime)
Best wishes and Bright Blessings to you on your goal to wholeness.
© 2014 Chessie Roberts, all rights reserved
Chessie Roberts is a Minister, Singer/song Writer, Spiritual Teacher, Mind-set Mentor, Meditation Coach, Author, Radio Host, Lecturer and the Founder/Creator of Evolution of Self: Journey into Body, Mind, Spirit Balance. Her experience with severe,crippling arthritis was her catalyst to share her healing, experiential, self improvement program with those who wish to rediscover their balance of Body, Mind, Spirit. You can find Chessie's programs and products at www.ChessieRoberts.com, her Radio Program at www.IntentionRadio.com/thegrid her music at www.ArchersMeadow.com and her latest book at http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00FX9XGY0