Seven Deadly Habits of Self-Destruction and How to Overcome Them

“No one can do unto you that which you do unto yourself”

(Bulgarian proverb)

We often look for external factors and people that can hurdle us on the path to achieving our ambitions. It is quite rare however that we seriously take into consideration the enemies within. Our behavioural patterns, personal traits and characteristics can be the real stumbling blocks on the path to progress and development. Looking in the mirror is hard, but even harder is sabotaging our  heart’s desires, aspirations and goals. 


Being easy-going does not mean not navigating the direction which our life takes. Passive submission to circumstance does not equate going with the flow; it reflects a lack of self-belief and confidence in our worth and abilities. Accepting situations blindly without reflecting and questing turns us into slaves to external conditions and to other people’s plans and ambitions.  Even more harmful is inertia’s nature of opposing new developments. Resisting change is like trying to stop the earth from spinning. It is unnatural, destructive and ultimately impossible.  Avoiding reality will not prevent events from happening; neither will avoiding problems make them disappear. Subsequently, in order to give your life’s aspirations a chance get up and move to the driver’s seat. 

We can wear or keep on our person a carnelian to give us courage and help us overcome passiveness and difficulties in life. 


Trying to get by in life by invoking people’s pity and making others feel sorry for us so we can get what we want from them is one of the most self-harming traits of an individual. Not thinking we are worth love and respect but people’s pity implies insecurity, dishonesty, manipulative nature and complete lack of belief that we are able to stand on our own two feet. This traps us in a vicious circle where we are unable to learn and improve. 


Besides invoking pity for ourselves, treating others on the basis of feeling sorry for them and pitying them for their circumstances is also harming both to us and that person. We are demeaning this person’s capability to deal with a particular situation and to overall do better in life.  Such behaviour encourages people to continue with their self-pitying behaviour. Moreover, relationships based on the basis of pity eventually lead to resentment due to their unequal and dishonest nature. 

A simple mantra to heal relationships with and to establish true and honest frameworks of interaction, is saying “I love you, name of the person”. By addressing the person by their name at the end, we are directing the vibrations of the words towards them.


A state of despair often leads to rash, reckless or extreme behaviour, which is never beneficial to the pursuit of our goals and personal growth. Acting out in such cases makes us forget our worth, self-respect and standards in life. When desperation becomes the path, self-deprecation becomes the norm. We often hear the common excuse,“desperate times, call for desperate measures”, without looking at the origin and meaning behind the saying, which emerged from trying out new medication for serious illness. It was meant for situation of life and death rather than blind pursuit of whims and desires. The end does no justify the means and reckless behaviour always brings destructive outcomes. Besides, we often misjudge the merits of a situation until we look back; hence, acting desperately can often prevent us from losing what was wrong for us and gaining what is right. We have all experience unpleasant moments but when we look back we think it is the best thing that ever happened to us. Hence, no need for desperate action, keep your self-respect and do not do things to regret later. 

To find inner strength and courage and during times of transition use few drops of borage oil or just fresh leaves in a salad. 


It is often best to leave judgement to the divine, to karma, to providence or any other power beyond and above. If someone has wronged us we cannot turn back and change the past and no amount of doing wrong to this person will replace what has already passed. Once a situation has hurt us, the best thing to do is to move on with our lives to more productive and positive initiatives. Spending time and energy in planning and executing a revenge furthers the wrong that has been done to us. It means we continue to be under its influence and to grant it power over us and out life. You do not have to forget, remember what the situation taught you, but forgone for your own benefit, so your heart  and happiness are not tainted by negative emotions and people. 

Breath in pink light through the nose into the heart chakra keeping in mind the person who has wronged us, bring their image to the heart centre, surround them with the pink light and then  take three short exhales through the mouth turning the head to the left. The technique is repeated three times to release us from negative associations with the person.


In George Bernard Shaw’s view “the biggest failure of communication is the illusion it has taken place”.  Shallow superficial conversations and small talk have become the norm instead of a clear straight-forward discussion on the matter at hand. Sharing one’s honest opinion and position on a topic seems almost inapt, which has led to endless convoluted political situations and misunderstandings between people.  

Communication is one of out most important tools in every aspect of life. To utilise it best we need to speak slowly, clearly and mean what we say. We often listen to respond rather than to understand when we should be attentive listeners and speak our truth with love. 

Wear blue colour clothes, jewellery or scarf to open up your throat chakra so you can speak with ease from the heart. 


According to Himalayan Master Yogiraj Siddhanath, the disease of the modern person is “Analysis Paralysis” . We tend to dissect, overanalyse and look for hidden meanings in everything in life. Always trying to read between the lines we often miss the point. Perplexed by all our tricky minds have given birth to, we often get paralysed in inaction scared to make a stand and take a director. Keep it simple, keep it straight and make sure you do not make assumptions or try and create issues where there are none. People’s thought processes are not all the same so we cannot just guess what is in the other person’s mind. It is safer to ask. 

Meditation and prana yam are the best techniques to steady our thoughts, and to move away from the thinking to the intuitive mind.


Self-reflection, constructive criticism and learning from our mistakes are helpful in the pursuit of out character building and in preventing us from repeating harmful patterns in the future. Feeling bad for having done something wrong shows sensitivity.  Guilt on the other hand is a poisonous disease. It can often be even worse than the action we feel guilty about. It can drive us to extremes, defensive behaviours and often a determination to prove innocence and transfer blame rather than accept facts and move on with life. Everyone who makes decisions and takes responsibilities in life makes mistakes, from the simplest and most trivial to major messes. It is through these experiences that we learn lessons and grow as individuals and that we acquire knowledge to help us further along the path. It is said that people would learn a lot more from their mistakes if they did not spend all their energy in trying to pretend they did not happen. If we have done something wrong, the best we can do is learn the lesson from it, so we do not repeat it, and then move on. 

We can use a neckless (mala, rosary), bracelet, ring or crystal made of sphatik, which brings love and compassion to the mind and heart, thus, waning guilt away.  

All of the above traits have an underlying characteristic of insecurity. If we continue to look for approval from outside and have a disbelief in our own worth and abilities, we will never be content. No fruit we reap will be sweet enough if we did not put effort in it. We will never even cross the road if we fear the future because we cannot control it. Our childhood experiences, environment, finances, social circle, family, friends, work colleagues and the government are all factors that have shaped us but which do not need to determine our future. If we are to have a fulfilling life  we need to take charge, be brave and have faith.

Formerly in international diplomacy, Snezhina works as an executive search consultant in the City of London. She teaches regular workshops on Babaji's Kriya Yoga and Siddhanath Surya Yoga. To deepen her work with people Snezhina reads and teaches esoteric numerology and spiritual tarot. She is a freelance writer publishing poetry and articles on spiritual and political topics. Snezhina loves dancing Salsa and Flamenco.


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