The 5 Most Effective Ways to Listen to Improve your Relationships

The Ancient Art of Listening

The number one complaint that most people hear from so many in their lives is ‘He/she is not listening to me’. The word itself listen comes from the Olde English of hlysnan which means to hear as in to attend to, give attention to. So when we are actually saying someone is free from listening to us, what we really mean is this person is really not hearing me or giving their attention to me. In other words, they are free from being ‘attuned’ to you.

What does it mean to ‘attune’ to someone/something?

In Reiki or other spiritual modalities we speak of receiving an attunement. Yet what does that truly mean, what is an attunement? What is an attuned heart? Attuning someone or something means to bring into harmony, to align to the receptiveness of whatever you are tuning into~ to come into a resonance of being a vibrational match within the frequency of whatever is being attuned to. To listen to, feel as in sensing, to BE One in inner knowing, 'in tune' with the tune of the melody and harmony of the song (vibrational frequency) of whatever that tune is.

To attune is 'a tune'~ a tune or song of the heart, the soul. What is the tune, the vibrational frequency that your heart, your soul is vibrating and resonating at? Thus, when you are attuning to someone, something, a vibration, a frequency, you are tuning into so deeply with whatever that is in your attention (listening) to it that you are then One with it, within it, and are then vibrating that same frequency of it through you as you as the song of your heart and soul.

If for example, you receive the Master Teacher Level of Reiki attunement, your being is then attuned to, or in tuned to and with the vibration of all of the harmonies and melodies of the song playing upon the winds of Source itself in what it is to BE (and do in right action from the BEingness) of the Master Teacher essence in Reiki. If you are attuning within to the heart, you are then attuned to that vibrational frequency of the song of the heart of Source/the Master Artist of All That Is, One with Source allowing that heart and soul consciousness of Love to flow through you as you and receiving and moving your being in that manner.

To attune or thereby to listen requires this then~

Intention + Attention = Attunement (Listening)

Simple in concept, in theory, yet perhaps easier said then done as our biggest challenges to listening often are~

*We usually listen with the intent to respond rather than allowing another to be heard and understood. We are preparing a response in our head or wanting something from someone~ ie having an agenda in our conversations of trying to change how they think or of seeking to get their approval, to get their agreement or wanting something from them or to express our point of view.

*More often than not, we have an e~motional (energy~in~motion) charge or reaction to what is being said~ being triggered, in judgment, in reptilian brain of fight, flight, freeze hijack mode therefore unable to fully hear what is being shared.

*Internet and other distractions in our own thought processes when we are in a conversation we think we are to be doing something else or being somewhere else~ I Am here but not here, just going through the motions therefore free from being fully present.

*Inability to listen to Source in feeling separate from Source and inability to listen within thus unable to listen to another.

With all this occurring within us, is it any wonder we struggle with listening?

The Ancient Art of Listening ~ How to Listen

To go back for a moment to what was shared above about the number one complaint I hear from people I mentor about those they love being free from listening, the question I always in turn enquire with in response is ‘Are you listening?’

Why is this being asked of you? Because for us to be able to be listened to~ to really be heard, understood, attuned to requires us both listening to Source, ourselves and also listening to others first. How can someone truly listen to you, if you are free from listening to your own guidance from Source, from your own being within and equally listening to them?

So how does one actually listen? Believe it or not, the gift of listening or attuning is actually as old as time itself is. We innately know how to attune, to listen, it is simply that our indoctrinational programming from childhood (and perhaps other lives as well) has suppressed it in favour of placing our attentions elsewhere upon distractions that take us away from this ancient art. Therefore, it is about unlearning these habits and re~learning or remembering better said, how we listened in the times of yore.

Thus, how to attune, listen whether that be within listening to Source, within listening to yourself or to/with someone or something can be best practiced within the following~

1. Zero Point Energy~ within Zero Point Energy, we merge into Oneness, and when we are One with someone or something, we then are able to fully listen, attune to such as it IS us. Where there is a zero point energy, to mean, where there is zero distance and zero resistance between you and it, then it is for you and yours.

*Listening to Source first

*Then within

*Then to, with, within another

*Then to, with, within all

2. Through Intention + Attention = Attunement (Listening)~ In other words, is your intention to actually listen? Is your intention to pay attention? We write and speak of how we are or are not ‘paying attention’. Well just like paying with currency, which currency is truly the current of energy you are BEing, seeing, and giving ergo why it is called currency, the same can be equally said about what currency are you ‘paying out’ or putting forth within your intention and attention.

Sacred Compassionate Listening and even gentle loving speech is all about being present. How do we come into presence and the present moment? By getting quiet, deeply quiet within. For everything is speaking even when it appears to be silent, it is about listening and attuning to the vibrational frequency of it. Relative to how present you are being will be to the degree you are listening.

3. Focus of the Intention and Attention~ Relative to how relaxed, calm, centred you are in and within your intention and attention, will be relative to how attuned you are to whatever or whomever you are attuning to, listening to. Listening is to be~

PS~ Purposeful, yet Soft

Free from being about a constricted ‘get ‘er done’ or a ‘have to’ anxious focus. It is a purposeful yet soft focus with an ease about it. Free from forcing it just flowing with it. An intense and purposeful, yet relaxed and open focus.

4. Judgment Free~ Listening is to come from a sacred space that is non~judgmental, free from any aversion to what is there. In other words, we are to be able to be in a resonance to where even if someone is appearing to lash out at you, you are able to listen beyond any triggers, judgments, perceptions or apparent behaviours of you or of the other person.

5. Presence~ When we truly listen there is free from being any agenda to try to change or fix or get them to think or feel differently then they do, nor trying to get their approval or agreement as you are just being with what is. Listening with an openness and receptiveness to what is being said that it is real for a person whether you agree or now, whether you feel it is true or not; as it may be free from being necessarily true as in the truth of who they are or the truth of what occurred, yet in this moment it is real and true for them of what they are experiencing. Thus, to truly listen is to be just that, listen~ free from debating, interrupting, arguing, or opposing what is being said nor taking it personally. Just being fully present to what is present, or there in the moment within a welcoming acceptance that it is share, even when you are free from fully agreeing with what is being shared.

When we are able to listen to Source, to ourselves within, and to others deeply as shared above, this then allow them (or us if we are listening within) to empty their heart and therefore to suffer less. Even if what that person says of things that are wrong, full of perceptions, projections, anger and bitterness, the invitation is to simply hear them out and wait for another time to share with them wisdom to assist them and only then give such if they enquire for such or if you ask them if it is alright with them to share something with them that may benefit them. Then and only then, when you are feeling deeply called, compelled to right action (and they are open to receive such) can you then take such right action of sharing. That right action is the action of What Love (Source) would do now, speak now, be now etc.

True listening is where you are saying without any words spoken (or you can even say this to them if they are open to such) of I hear you and I understand what you are sharing with an awareness of engaged interest within what you say here. I be and do so as to me what is being said by you in this moment is the most important thing in the world. I Am fully taking in, drinking in what is being given by you with my undivided (meaning free from fragmented, fully integrated) attention and I hold it within my heart because what you are saying matters to me because you matter and you matter to me’.

This form of listening shared above here, along with being able to truly listen to what is being shared in hearing the message behind the message, of not just hearing the words or reading what is written, but truly understanding where another is coming from, this brings about a sense of intimacy, connection, understanding that can really improve the quality of your relationships.

It is a deep form of appreciation that speaks volumes when you can be in the resonance of~ because I listen to Source and within me deeply, I Am able to be this for and with others. As deep down, all any of us ever really desire is to be loved, held, seen, heard, and known that we matter. May you be this and may your life be blessed infinitely with this gift of ancient listening always, in all ways.

Lady Nenari is the Founder/Director of The DiamondLight Soul Centre and as a Complimentary Wholistic Therapist specialises in OneSoul REALationships Mentoring for individuals and couples, Meditational Hypnotherapy, Sound Healing Therapy, and Akashic Records Soul Mediumship Reading. To book in a one to one session with her or for the courses she teaches, visit her website

Lady Nenari is also featured on OM Times Radio as interviewed on Voice Rising with Kara Johnstad

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