When a newborn baby cries, a mother’s knee-jerk reaction to console somehow doesn’t seem fast enough, at least to her. In the instant of hopping out of bed faster than a Twilight vampire, they must suddenly traverse a maze of doll-sized clothes, squeaky toys, pacifiers, diapers, and other baby items that grew out of the floor over night as they were certainly not left there before bed. Not only that, but she suddenly realizes that the floor must be made of melted marshmallows as every step she takes seems to cause all time to slow down, the ticking clock in the distance bears a dreadful cadence which pounds in her head as the wailing infant's cry crescendos to an unbelievable pitch!
Immediate relief is felt when the baby is scooped up and their needs are taken care of proven by how quickly they drift off to sleep. Mom, on the other hand, having just completed the midnight triathlon, will probably remain awake until five minutes before the baby wakes again. This will continue until toddler-hood.
The cries of the new born, eventually give way to the tears and laughter of the toddler who clings to mom’s legs for assistance to walk, for comfort when they are shy, or to hide when they are feeling silly or scared.
As a parent we give our unconditional love and support to our children, trying hard to be with them through all of their milestones as they continue to grow at warped speed. With that first cry, most of us are elated and joyful. After the 500-1000th cry, sometimes that elation fizzles out, refilling our life balloons with uncertainty and sometimes sadness.
As 100% of our attention turns toward the needs of the baby, it’s very easy to lose sight of ones “self”. The “I” and “me” have turned into “her,” “him,” “cry,” “diaper-change.” and “sleep deprivation”. The loss of self-identity is one that many new parents struggle with.
It is emotional in nature, very real, and often times met with a sense of shame and self-loathing. After all, parents are supposed to be made of steel and placed on a golden pedestal filled with baby kisses and happy kicks in the ribs. Or so we are led to believe.
The truth is, it is easy to lose sight of yourself while you are a busy care giver, and after awhile that imbalance can cause you to feel out of sorts, emotionally drained, or mentally and physically exhausted.
It is important to be mindful of your own needs during this most precious and fast moving phase of your life so how can you fit in some “you-time” and embrace your spirituality while twenty-three hours and fifty nine minutes are dedicated to “them time”?
It will take some creative thinking on your part but it can happen and will work to turn that frown upside down and allow yourself to truly and deeply embrace all that has been put before you. Balance has a funny way of making you feel better and affects those around you as they will see the improvement energetically. Don’t forget also that happiness is contagious!
Repeat this manta now and know that it can be a key to success.
“The Bathroom is My Friend”.
I know it sounds funny but as a parent it is a painfully true realization. Since it’s typically the only place in the house when you are “usually” allowed some sort of privacy, go in there, close the door sit down, and take some deep breaths. Tune yourself up with your own deep breathing, meditate, and set positive intentions.
ALLOW YOURSELF a two-minute time out whenever and whereever you can squeak it in. Don’t be ashamed to admit that the bathroom can become your best friend, or your bedroom closet, under the crib, or another small place that the kids won’t be able to find you for a minute. Of course it helps to do this when they are quietly playing or taking naps, otherwise, they may think you are playing hide and seek which isn’t such a bad thing. It could add a little more stress for you, though.
“Allowing” is also another important key word to remember. By simply giving yourself permission to take care of your being for a few minutes already shifts the energy back to your court. Even if you don’t take a time out right away, verbalizing the words “I allow myself some free time for personal endeavors” will change the atmosphere, the energy, and just may make you feel better.
We can learn a lot from our children if we really observe them. You never see a baby just get up and run without having tried to crawl or stand up first. How can you expect to jump into parenthood without taking a deep breath, observing, and balancing all aspects of your life? Just about all of us dive into it with our eyes closed and forget to bring the oxygen tanks!
Sometimes, all is takes is two minutes of time in solitude, to breath, observe ourselves from the inside, and recoup. When you do this, you shift the energy not just to you, but to everyone around you. The circle of energy encompasses the whole of you, not just them, and not just you, your entire family.