Being a psychic medium, my life is a dance between the physical and spiritual plains. When I first started doing this work professionally, I felt like it was a bit clumsy. I felt like Elaine from Seinfeld. I danced freely, but it wasn’t as elegant as I would have liked it to be. In fact, at times, it was comedic. Yet, slowly, it has become a dance that even I find beautiful.
There are very few people who talk about the process of becoming a psychic medium. I liken it to someone who has a natural gift playing baseball. Even a natural gift takes lots of practice to hone those skills. Not every game is going to be perfect. It takes trial and error to read the signs and relay them properly. There is the human factor, after all. And yet, we have to trust the messages and communication implicitly, fully and completely.
It’s mostly all about moving through all the fears that surround this type of work and being willing to heal in the process. As my mentor taught me, one has to remove oneself completely from any attachment to the outcome. To live in freedom is to do the work in spite of the fear, to relay the messages as you receive them, in their fullness. I always begin my work asking for the greatest good for the person I’m reading. But, for deep healing, the skeletons need to be pulled out of the closet. We can’t expect our clients to do this if we are unwilling to do it for ourselves.
In this life, I’ve suffered from severe sexual abuse, spanning from the age of five to my early twenties. My scariest skeleton (the one I was unwilling to see) was one of unforgiveness, particularly toward myself. I thought I’d decided not to be a victim, and yet I merely replaced my abusers with myself. And, I was really good at it. I embodied both the abuser and the abused. It was the thing that kept me from living my life fully, from allowing myself to experience love and happiness and from growing as a person. And, it was the very thing that kept me in my fear, unwilling to trust anyone, even myself. One day, I asked myself a single question: wouldn’t it be nice to look in the mirror and like the person I saw? In that moment, I made a choice. I learned that forgiveness is not about saying that the pain we experienced is alright. Rather, it is about taking those experiences and acknowledging that they happened to us, moving past those experiences and not letting them define us, and being willing of letting go of the pain. It’s also about breaking the bondage our abusers have had over us. Saying, “I forgive you” is so powerful. It breaks the bondage through lifetimes.
And so, I’ve learned to dance with my skeletons instead of hiding them away and being afraid of them. I’ve learned to be me in all of my raw complexity: a psychic medium, lesbian, wife, and mother of two. I’ve learned to live my life and to be present in it. I’ve learned to love even myself. And, most of all, I’ve learned that my work has benefited exponentially from my own healing, which continues with each moment I’m willing to put my fragmented pieces back together.