The Emotional Vampire Survival Guide: Emotional Freedom in Action

To be emotionally free you can’t remain naïve about relationships. Some people are positive and mood elevating. Others can suck optimism and serenity right out of you. Vampires do more than drain your physical energy. The super-malignant ones can make you believe you’re an unworthy, unlovable wretch who doesn’t deserve better. The subtler species inflict damage by making smaller digs which can make you feel bad about yourself—for instance, “Dear, I see you’ve put on a few pounds” or “You’re overly sensitive!” Suddenly they’ve thrown you emotionally off-center you by prodding areas of shaky self-worth. To protect your sensitivity, it’s important to name and combat these vampires. The concept struck such a collective chord in my book Positive Energy that in Emotional Freedom I illustrate how it applies to protecting your emotions and not absorbing other people’s negativity. In the book I discuss these vampires to watch for and ways to deal with them.

SIGNS THAT YOU’VE ENCOUNTERD AN EMOTIONAL VAMPIRE
(from “Emotional Freedom” by Judith Orloff MD)

• Your eyelids are heavy—you’re ready for a nap
• Your mood takes a nosedive
• You want to binge on carbs or comfort foods
• You feel anxious, depressed, or negative
• You feel put down, sniped at, or slimed

TYPES OF EMOTIONAL VAMPIRES

Vampire #1: The Narcissist
Their motto is “Me first.” Everything is all about them. They have a grandiose sense of self-importance and entitlement, hog attention, and crave admiration. They’re dangerous because they lack empathy and have a limited capacity for unconditional love. If you don’t do things their way, they become punishing, withholding, or cold.

How to Protect Your Emotions: Keep your expectations realistic. These are emotionally limited people. Try not to fall in love with one or expect them to be selfless or love without strings attached. Never make your self-worth dependent on them or confide your deepest feelings to someone who won’t cherish them. To successfully communicate, the hard truth is that you must show how something will be to their benefit. Though it’s better not to have to contend with this tedious ego stroking, if the relationship is unavoidable use the above strategies to achieved desired results.

Vampire #2: The Victim
These vampires grate on you with their “poor-me’ attitude and are allergic to taking responsibility for their actions. The world is always against them, the reason for their unhappiness. When you offer a solution to their problems they always say, “Yes, but.” You might end up screening your calls or purposely avoid them. As a friend, you may want to help but their tales of woe overwhelm you.

How to Protect Your Emotions: Set kind but firm limits. Listen briefly and tell a friend or relative, “I love you but I can only listen for a few minutes unless you want to discuss solutions. Then I’d be thrilled to brainstorm with you.” With a coworker, listen briefly, sympathize by saying, “I’ll keep good thought for things to work out. Then say, I hope you understand, but I’m on deadline and must go back to work. Then use “this isn’t a good time” body language such as crossing your arms and breaking eye contact to help set these healthy limits.

Vampire #3: The Controller
These people obsessively try to control you and dictate what you’re supposed to be and feel. They have an opinion about everything. They’ll control you by invalidating your emotions if they don’t fit into their rulebook. They often start sentences with “You know what you need?” and then proceed to tell you. You end up feeling dominated, demeaned, or put down.

How to Protect Your Emotions: The secret to success is never try and control a controller. Be healthily assertive, but don’t tell them what to do. You can say, “I value your advice but really need to work through this myself.” Be confident but don’t play the victim or sweat the small stuff. Focus on high priority issues rather than on putting the cap on the toothpaste.

Vampire #4: The Splitter or Borderline Personality
Splitters see things as either good or bad and have love/hate relationships. One minute they idealize you, the next you’re the enemy if you upset them. They have a sixth sense for knowing how to pit people against each another and will retaliate if they feel you have wronged them. They are people who are fundamentally damaged—inwardly they feel as if they don’t exist and become alive when they get angry. They’ll keep you on an emotional rollercoaster and you may walk on eggshells to avoid their anger.

How to Protect Your Emotions: Stay calm. Don’t react when your buttons get pushed. Splitters feed off of anger. They respond best to structure and limit setting. If one goes into a rage, tell the person, “I’m leaving until you get calmer. Then we can talk.” Refuse to take sides when he or she tries to turn you against someone else. With family members, it’s best to show a united front and not let a splitter’s venomous opinions poison your relationships.

Adapted from Dr. Judith Orloff’s new book “Emotional Freedom: Liberate Yourself From Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life” (Harmony Books, 2009)

Views: 54

Comment

You need to be a member of OMTimes Writer's Community to add comments!

Join OMTimes Writer's Community

Comment by Myles Guster on October 4, 2009 at 5:38am
Judith,

Thanks for sharing. My business partner and I have finally been able to severe a relationship with a third partner whom you could switch for definition #1. The relationship began with compassion toward him on our part. Yet, ended in a most unpleasant manner. Only one other time, have I witnessed such vulgar behaviour in one individual toward another. I'm something of a flower-child and perhaps a bit "Pollyanna" at times yet I know it is important to be watchful for these types of personalities. Thanks for reminding me.
Blessings,
Myles

OM Times Magazine is a Holistic Green eZine with a Spiritual Self-growth Perspective for the Conscious Community.

Members


Articles

Painting in the Rain

Posted by Steven George on July 1, 2020 at 9:50am 0 Comments

The Ego and the Soul

Posted by Judi Lynch on June 30, 2020 at 4:07pm 0 Comments

The Big Challenge

Posted by Linda Bloom on June 30, 2020 at 3:00pm 1 Comment

Forum

June 2020 Community Newsletter

Started by Omtimes Media. Last reply by Crystal Presence Jun 24. 3 Replies

January 2020 Newsletter and Roadmap

Started by Omtimes Media. Last reply by Anu Dayal-Gulati May 14. 7 Replies

Credibility and Reputation

Join our group of authors on Goodreads: http://ow.ly/tUyAM


Google+
Alterative Medicine Blogs - BlogCatalog Blog Directory
Blogarama - Spirituality Blogs
Follow me on Blogarama

Help Support Us In Our Work and Keep OM-Times Magazine Free For All!!!




Where to find us

Google+

Contextual Links

Free Web Directory - Add Your Link

The Little Web Directory
web-ref.org

mondotimes

Find Local News Worldwide

mediaowners

Who Owns The American Media

Follow Me on Pinterest
Merchant Processing Service
web directories
Submit Your Site To The Web's Top 50 Search Engines for Free!
PullDirectory.com - Add free links and articles.

Ciford Web Directory

alarmg4s
SubmissionMonster.com

© 2020   Created by Omtimes Media.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service

Omtimes writer's community