The “G”uilt Spot:
5 Signs That You Are Being Treated Like an Emotional Garbage Disposal
How guilt will impact us has to do with the method through which we acquired it, the circumstances around it and our understanding of both of these.
Part of healthy guilt is the understanding the origin of the emotion when it arrives and that it is different for everyone. Feeling guilt without understanding these tenets is counterproductive. Some argue that guilt is an emotion best felt when an act is performed with malicious intention and that there is a considerable spiritual difference between feeling sorry and feeling guilty. Guilt is a difficult and confusing emotion and in order to utilize its benefits, one must understand not only its function but how to harness it. This is possible through self evaluation and a real understanding of its purpose in our emotional repertoire.
There is a snag in this process, to which most of us can attest having experienced.
The key to the determination of which emotion is appropriate in a given circumstance is a personal and individual assessment and understanding of the situation. One should not feel guilty based on another person’s determination that it should be so. A person will try to make another feel guilty when they do not have the ability to develop personal methods of resolving their emotional turmoil. They pass it onto others to alleviate or minimize their struggles. If they can attribute their current state to something happening “to” them, rather than because of or around them, they alleviate their struggle. They will resort to displacing that emotion onto others. Emotional abusers use guilt as a weapon and people as emotional garbage disposals. When their sink is full, they need to unload some of the debris, so they “flip the switch” on another and wash their hands of the problem for the other to deal with.Finding ourselves in this position is a sure sign to pump the gas and move on.
5 Signs You are being treated as an Emotional Garbage Disposal:
The Quick Turn:
You are having an argument. You made a valid point and you are being heard, or so it seems. All of a sudden the subject changes and you are reminded that 2 years ago you did something hurtful that will never be forgotten.
You are upset because you have put weight on and you reach out to your spouse for support. Instead of reinforcing your attractiveness, they tell you that it is for that reason they no longer want to be intimate and that you should do something about it.
The “You Made Me Do It”:
You turn down an offer for a get together with friends because you have a big business meeting. They invite your sworn enemy in your place and suggest that if you hadn’t bailed on them, it wouldn’t have happened.
The Martyr Move:
You are given a product or a service from someone and are being constantly reminded of how much hardship it caused them. This takes the form of “How can you even have an opinion after all I’ve done for you” of “If I didn’t give you that $100 I could’ve eaten this week.
The Happiness Hound:
You have achieved something. You are happy about something. The other person consistently tells you how happy they are for you while telling you what a terrible time they are having.
These are 5 major examples of the “guilt-disposal” that some people try to make of others on occasion. There are certainly more, but these seem to be the most prevalent I come across in my spiritual work. The common thread in these and many more is the duality in the event. There is an indirect and unconscious quality to these occurrences. These people use our vulnerability to attach the guilt energy to us, to question our own character and remove blame from them should we feel the need to accuse them of something:
Us: “You don’t call me anymore.”
Them: “Well, you are so busy now”.
Us: “You don’t congratulate me when I succeed.”
Them: “Well, I am miserable and you don’t seem to care”.
Us: “Why didn’t you invite me to the party?”
Them: “You never seem like you have a good time.”
See how all of these responses serve to eliminate responsibility? Don’t fall into that trap. We have every right to be successful, happy, chubby, busy and hurt by something someone else said or did without having to retract that feeling and internalize not only the circumstance itself, but the additional guilt the other is trying to push on us.
We need to value ourselves enough to say, “Enough is enough” and move away from people who venture to confuse and minimize our character. We have one life to traverse and being around those who not only don’t help us to remove the stones in the path, but add boulders is counter-productive to our minds, bodies and spirits.
Cori is an MBA, spirtualist, psychic, teacher, writer, lecturer and mystic with 20 years of experience. She can be found at www.csavenelli.com and on Facebook.