Many, if not most of us, are spending our lives seeking that sense of self-worth we are promised when we finally become “good enough” in whatever way we see "good enough." This is because from infancy we’ve been taught that there is actually a "good enough." There is some place, some psychic place, some happy place, some invisible but certain place out there somewhere in the future where we will finally feel that sense of worthiness that generates self-confidence and self-esteem. And we will know that we have arrived because we will know that we are good enough to have that self-confidence and self-esteem.
Until then, however, we are stuck with this sense that no matter how hard we try we just can’t ever quite reach “good enough.” It remains out there somewhere. So we bargain. IF I can just earn X amount of money, THEN I will finally be good enough. IF I can just have that relationship, THEN I will finally be good enough. IF I can get that perfect job, with the perfect mission, THEN I will finally be good enough. IF I can just find my purpose in life, THEN I will do it and will finally be good enough. We strive and wait and wait and strive, but no matter what we do, no matter how much money we earn, no matter if the Universe drops millions into our laps, we still have this nagging sense that we are just not quite good enough.
Often this is accompanied by a feeling that we should not have what others lack. Why do I deserve this house, this car, this relationship, this money when there are so many people on earth who do not have any of those things? That feeling, that question makes us feel all the more unworthy, for to believe we actually deserve those things, is to be arrogant, right?
But all of this, ALL of this is based in the mythology that there is some kind of worthiness that we must earn. And all of that is based in the paradigm of duality. Duality says that we are separate from each other and from the divine, and that separation is a result of our basically evil natures. That mythology has spread so far and so wide and is grounded so deep in our archetypal memories that we just seem to know it is true—even though it is completely false.
The truth is that there is no such separation. We are One with each other and One with the divine. We just don’t know it. And because we don’t know it, we act in ways that match what we believe to be true—in the belief that we have basically evil natures. Then we begin to measure our worth based on our behaviors. But this myth is disproven by the simple fact that no matter how many good deeds we do, no matter how many sacrifices we make, no matter what we do we still feel that we must continue to chase that elusive sense of self-worth.
But we are automatically worthy, simply based in the fact that we exist. We are worthy because we were made worthy. We do not have anything to prove. The gifts that are given to us in life were given because we were meant to have those things. The losses that we experience don’t happen because we deserved them to happen. They happen because losses are a part of the experience of duality, which we are all experiencing as a part of the earth experience. But as we come to know that we are One with the divine, and One with each other and all of nature, we no longer live into the duality experience. Rather we begin to see with the true vision of Oneness. At that point we no longer ask if we are worthy. We no longer seek after that elusive sense of self-worth, we just live in the gratitude that comes with knowing that all that we have is a gift from the divine.
Andrea Mathews is the author of four books, the latest of which is “Letting Go of Good: Dispel the Myth of Goodness to Find Your Genuine Self.” She is the host of the very popular Authentic Living Show and a therapist with over 30 years’ experience.