The one Thing you Need to Do in order to Create a Healthy Relationship

Have you ever seen Dalí’s painting “Sleep,” which shows a monstrous head hanging on different hooks and flowing freely in the air?


This is what we do when we don’t forgive people; we keep ourselves tied to the ground even though we want to fly high.


This is what happens when we’re filled with hate and anger, or when we’re holding grudges; these feelings tie us to the ground. Research has shown that anger and negative feelings in general can actually kill us. In his book Anger, Dr. Redford Sapolsky from Duke University warns that negative feelings can cause heart problems, along with cholesterol and cardiac pressure.


Do you want to start a healthy relationship? A fulfilled life with your perfect match can’t contain anger, grudges or hatred.


Ella asks, “But Jill, I have these feelings, so I shouldn’t ignore them, right?” Definitely not; I did this for years, and it was extremely painful when I decided to start searching for my true, real self. Even if you try to suppress your feelings, sooner or later you’ll feel them bubbling up.


Ella, we can’t fill a cup that’s already full. We can’t fill it up with miracles unless we throw away all the manure. I’m inviting you to let go of your past, and to let go of anything that’s holding you back, by learning to forgive.


It’s vital to understand that when we forgive someone, it doesn’t necessarily mean we agree with what that person has done.


Also, bear in mind that every person does the best that s/he can based on the relative knowledge, experience, skills, abilities and capabilities that s/he has. The pain a person inflicts on somebody else is a reflection of the pain that s/he felt as a result of somebody else’s actions in the past. Nobody wakes up in the morning thinking, How can I hurt so-and-so today? but their actions have become their norm.

Spiritual leader Marianne Williamson says: “The practice of forgiveness is our most important contribution to the healing of the world.” In other words, sometimes we just need to let things go.


Forgiveness is an intended procedure through which the victim changes his or her feelings and stance towards an unfair incident and the perpetrator of the incident.

The victim abandons his or her negative feelings, one of which is revenge, and develops the ability to wish for something good to happen to the abuser.


What we achieve through learning to forgive is letting go of a binding source of energy that we have with the abuser. Also, we break away from the idea of being the victim, taking back our source of energy and power. What we externalize is what comes back to us. We can’t live a full, whole-hearted life if we hold grudges.


In her book Calling in the One, Katherine Woodward Thomas says: “Ultimately, to forgive someone means to cancel the debt you feel they owe you”.


Forgiveness shows our love and respect for ourselves, and helps us learn one of life’s biggest lessons. How wonderful would it be to let the pain go and allow some small miracles into our lives, ultimately helping our mental and physical health?


By Jill Douka author of #1 awarded bestseller Create Love: 7 Secrets to Manifest Your Perfect Match


 Jill Douka, MBA, PCC, is the highly sought after internationally-renowned speaker, awarded #1 bestselling author of Create Love: 7 Secrets to Manifest Your Perfect Match , awarded mentor by the European Union, and one of the first European speakers at 2 TEDx events in Asia and Europe.

She is Greek and Canadian, and has trained, coached, and mentored thousands of people in Europe, the USA, and Asia. She appears on TV and radio shows internationally. She travels the world with her husband, Nikolas Ouranos founder of Academy of Relationships. 

You may find Jill in social media

For more information, visit:




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